I searched the room for another partner, but everyone on the main floor seemed taken, so I sauntered back up the long winding staircase, naked this time. My earlier insecurities about my rather simple lingerie had melted away and I was back in my element. Carefree and numb I took the stairs briskly.
Upstairs I passed Luc gazing down on the crowd. I felt like he was watching me but he wouldn’t turn his head to acknowledge me. I was unsettled by the fact that I found his lack of acknowledgement irritating. I could tell I affected him somehow. I entered one of the bedrooms. A sexy blond man was watching a threesome on the bed. He was sitting on a long chair with his legs spread out in front of him fully erect. His dark brown eyes were swallowed by the darkness in the room. He noticed my entrance and sat upright.
“Would you like to ride me?” he asked as if he asked if I’d like a drink of water. This was what I liked about parties, the openness; the take what you want attitude, the lack of judgment.
“Why, yes, I would like nothing more,” I replied sarcastically, swaying my hip and moving in closer to him. He was not fazed by my attitude, and I was pleased to finally have a prospect, a way to make me feel something. Luc was clearly not capable of giving me what I needed. I lifted my right leg and stepped over his thighs, getting ready to seat myself, when he held my waist preventing my descent. Of course! A condom how could I forget? I inwardly chuckled. It’s fucked up but dying of a sexually transmitted disease was probably not the best way to go. As that thought passed through my mind, I recognized how messed up I really was. It didn’t matter; there was no one to care about me anyway.
The blond man reached over to a side table where a large bowl of condoms were provided. He took a condom and slid it over his long hard girth. He wasn’t whom I wanted in that moment, but there was something about Luc that was too intense anyway. Luc was making my body feel things that I knew it shouldn’t. Another reason these parties were good for me, it was about play and fulfilling needs, not about feelings. Luc may not know this, but he was wearing his feelings on his bare arms and I couldn’t deal with that. He’d clearly been through something harsh, but it wasn’t for me to find out. Not then and not ever.
As the blond guy pushed his dick into my folds, a cold slither made its way up my body and stopped at my heart. Maybe my heart had turned cold. Maybe I was no longer capable of love. I closed my eyes and gave in to the moment. The stranger grabbed my waist and helped me push into him harder, the friction building. Another female in the room was having the world’s longest orgasm and her sexy moans spurred me on, wanting what she was experiencing.
Suddenly the door swung open, the sound caused my eyes to jerk open. Luc was standing in the entrance, his chest moving rapidly, his jaw taut and his eyes lacking emotion. I paused for a moment feeling exposed. Although I didn’t understand why I would feel this way. I continued to thrust onto the hot blond in front of me. My eyes locked onto Luc but he didn’t flinch, his erection stood visibly flushed through his boxer shorts.
Something about him turned me on more. The look of lust in his eyes, he wanted me but it was something deeper…I moaned, rocking my hips faster. The man took his thumb and circled my clit, causing me to cry out even more as Luc clenched his fists at the side of his body. As I came down from my high, Luc walked away looking visibly irate. My body was limp as I lay beside the man, trying to catch my breath.
Chapter 4
Luc
I watched as she left the penthouse. Her green eyes searched the place before she disappeared through the front door. A part of me hoped she was searching for me, that she felt the same connection that I did speaking with her. When she looked into my eyes with her vibrant emerald ones, it was almost as if I felt at home, such an odd thing to happen by just looking at a person. It actually scared the shit out of me. I didn’t host the party to find a soul mate; I hosted the party to fill my empty home with people, to feel lust, not love. I guess Vicky was right to laugh about me being a monk. It’s been two years since I got into this lifestyle. I kept to my oath of no women, drugs, or alcohol. I always enjoyed sex and considered myself good at it.
A lot of women were attracted to me, and I continuously turned them down, even the ones that offered sex with no strings attached. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t handle the contact. I’ve caused too much damage and the chambers inside me that hold my demons need the restraint, I cannot engage in ecstasy, I cannot fulfill my own need. I’m scared of what feeling does to me, I’m scared of love breaking me or the person I’m with. I’m scared of my family finding out again if I do find love. All these factors reinforced my need to be alone, my need to hold myself together and not fall apart.
Despite my internal arguments, I watched as she threw on a black coat and disappeared through the doorway. The rhythm of my heart quickened, as I feared never seeing her again. The thought sickened me. I wanted to see her. I wanted to know her. Dr. Davies said I should look for a relationship. I knew that finding a girl at a sex party was an odd place to look for a relationship. The mere word relationship sent me into a panic, but I was overcome with need to know this woman more. My desire for her drove me, but it was more than that. The sense of longing crept up my chest, and the way she made me feel when she looked into my eyes. I wanted to go after her… you fool, I said to myself. Leave her alone, she’s but a girl, but I couldn’t help myself. My heart and mind were divided. My heart pushed me into my bedroom to get dressed quickly and run after her. I threw on a blue sweater and jeans and ran toward the door. I worried that she was new to this city and alone. I knew what it was like to be alone in a big city.
On the way out I grabbed my leather jacket and went down the elevator, hoping I didn’t miss her. I hoped. I hadn’t hoped for so long, the emotion almost seemed foreign. What did this girl do to me? By the time I reached the elevator and it descended to the main floor, she was gone, but adrenaline kept my blood pumping hard and my need to find her even stronger.
I ran out the main doors into the cool night air, turning my head left and then right. There she was walking down the street. I let out a long breath. Is she crazy? I thought to myself. It was a good neighborhood, but it was still New York City. She shouldn’t be walking down the street dressed the way she was at this time of night.
“Hey, Vicky!” I called out, accidentally startling her. She flinched and turned her head. Her green eyes narrowed and when recognition crossed her face her shoulders sagged. I walked to her, two steps at a time, closing the space between us.
“Hi,” she replied cautiously, probably unsure why I followed her outside.
“You shouldn’t be walking down the streets alone at this time of night, it’s dangerous and your dress is well, uh, uh.” I was at a loss of words, this didn’t happen often, this girl was undoing me and my need to protect her became instinctual. “I have a bike I can give you a ride,” I offered, exhaling the words briskly.
“You drive a bike?” she asked with a surprised tone. Her quirky smile warmed my heart. This was bad.