“I have other cars, but yeah, it’s my preferable mode of transportation,” I explained.
“No, I uh… didn’t mean anything by it… you just don’t seem like that type, I come from a small town and a lot of people have bikes, I just….” she trailed off not finishing her sentence.
“Can I give you a ride home? I’m really not comfortable with you walking on the street alone.” I smirked feeling nervous. Shit! What was wrong with me? I don’t get nervous around women.
“I was going to take the bus, I’m just not sure which one it is yet,” she replied quietly, she wasn’t looking into my eyes and I wanted her to. The strong willed woman that was bustling with self-esteem at the party was no longer present. This girl was soft, shy, pure. She was like a wild card, I didn’t know what to expect.
“Please, you would really make me feel better if I gave you a ride, at least I would know that you are safe,” I tried hard to convince her and even pouted a bit in the process. She really had me for a loop. I was out of my comfort zone. I didn’t offer women rides on the back of my bike; that would involve contact. The contact would make me panic, and I would be the weak person that my father always told me that I was. Mmm, but the thought of her sitting on the back of my bike with her arms wrapped tight around me caused naughty thoughts to erupt in my head. Get a grip, Luc, you just want to protect her. I realized in that moment that I was a stranger to her, that I may be scaring her too.
“Okay,” she shrugged her shoulders with her arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She was shivering and I wanted to take care of her. Warm her up.
“Sorry, I see that you’re cold, it’s pretty windy on the bike, I hope you’ll be okay. Here, take my jacket,” I said, taking off my leather jacket and passing it to her with a lopsided grin that made her smile. Shit, my chest was melting from her smile.
“Uh, thanks.” She took the jacket hesitantly and put it on. It looked massive on her small frame.
“Follow me, I keep the bike on ground level,” I said, gesturing for her to follow me back to my building.
I pulled the bike out of a niche at the side of the building. I paid a large sum of rent to be allowed to park it there since the place was truly meant for storage. Vicky climbed onto the back of my bike and I revved it up. My chest felt warm as I readied to drive.
“You’ll need to hold on and please wear this helmet,” I said, turning and passing her the only helmet I had. I wasn’t used to having a passenger.
“Ah, sure, right,” she stuttered, placing the helmet on her head. Then she wrapped her arms around my waist, holding on tight. This felt too good. I liked her on the back of my bike. I tried to control my wandering thoughts because there were a number of places I would have liked to have her. It had been more than two and a half years since I had engaged in sex, having her in close proximity was undoing me, but not because I was hungry for sex. I could have had sex at all the parties I had attended over the years. Many women had offered themselves and it did nothing to me, it was something about her that was driving me wild.
“So what are you doing in town?” I asked, turning around before I started the bike.
“It’s complicated,” she responded, looking tired.
“Yeah, life is complicated.” I wondered what made her so sad. A face like hers should be smiling all the time.
“Where are you headed?” I asked, realizing I didn’t know which direction to drive.
“Queens, Motel Lafayette,” she said quietly.
“Okay, I haven’t heard of it. I will put it into my phone,” I said, typing in the address. I was familiar enough with New York to know it looked like a bad area.
I began to drive, it was a cool night and the air was colder with the bike speeding down the road. Although I had to admit that I was a lot more cautious with her on the back of my bike. I was being extra careful, and remembering Dr. Davies' story about the man that was afraid of heights and how cautious he was with his family on the bridge. It made me think that Dr. Davies may be right that I was not dangerous. Maybe.
She placed her head against my back to block her body from the wind. I reveled in her touch. Her small body pressed up in to me, turning me on.
After driving half an hour we were at our destination. A part of me wanted to ask her out for coffee and get to know her. Another part of me warned that she was too good for me, and if she knew the truth about who I was she would go running.
The entrance to her motel looked appalling, grungy, and decrepit. There were a lot of sketchy looking people roaming the streets. It was not safe and the thought of her going up to her room alone made me cringe.
“This is where you’re staying?” I asked surprised.
She climbed off my bike, and took off my helmet, passing it back to me, then my jacket. Then she placed her hands on her hips. “Yeah, you got a problem with it?” she asked, oozing attitude.
Shit, I offended her, I didn’t mean to.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way, it looks dangerous here, it’s not a place for a girl like you,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.
“Really? What kind of girl do you think I am, Luc?” she persisted with her hands still hanging on to her tiny waist.
“A girl from a nice family,” I responded.
Her jaw became tight and her eyes went wide and watery. Shit, talking about putting my foot in my mouth.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, please just let me walk you inside, the place looks dangerous,” I said, stepping off my bike and parking it on the side of the road. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was stolen by the time I got back.
“Okay,” she agreed and turned to walk inside. I followed her into the lobby or at least a small room with a front desk. The place was old, dusty, and smelled like dirty socks.
I followed her past a narrow hallway with a staircase, the place looked grungier the deeper we got. I followed her up the stairs. I didn’t like her staying here, it was awful and she was too perfect. We reached a door and she fiddled in her purse for her keys. When she retrieved a key, she turned it in the rusty knob, and the key jammed. Every bone in my body wanted to ask her out, I had to see her again. I didn’t want this to end now, but how would I ask her out? Dr. Davies told me I should date, the fact that I was thinking of Dr. Davies in this very moment was crazy enough. The old me would have never thought twice about this. I was overwhelmed by the need to keep her safe, even if it meant from me.
She turned her head to face me, my palms were sweaty, this was it…. “Why are you in New York, Luc?” she asked with sad eyes, throwing me completely off. I thought she was going to say good-bye and thanks for the ride, but it was open game.
“I wanted to start a new life and I ended up in this city, it’s complicated like you said, but it’s been home for two years.” My lip tugged up at the corner. I was not sure if my answer even made sense.
“I guess life is just complicated, no one promises you as a kid that life will be free sailing, it is what it is,” she answered sadly. My heart twisted. This girl was in a lot of pain. I knew what it was like. I had been there. I was still struggling.
My thumb brushed the side of her cheek gently, I wanted to console her; I was more than surprised that I touched her without overthinking it in my head a hundred times. She reveled in my touch and rubbed her cheek against my hand. Her soft skin sent awareness to every part of my body. Every part of me that had been put to sleep for the past two years was slowly coming to life. I took a big gulp of air. Her green eyes bored into mine and I could see that she wanted me to kiss her perfect red lips. I wanted to claim every part of her, but I maintained the control that I’d worked so hard to build. I didn’t give in. It wouldn’t be honest of me to do that. I was a man that learned from his mistakes.