“It’s okay, I don’t mean to come off too strong. Look, I’m clearly attracted to you. I wasn’t lying the other night when I said I don’t have sex. I really don’t. The reason I am in New York is that my father is a mob boss…” I paused gauging her reaction. She burst into a fit of laughter.
“That’s a good one, I haven’t heard that one before.”
“I’m serious,” I replied solemnly. Her demeanor changed and her eyes went round and soft.
“My father groomed me to take over the family business but I wanted out. My family disowned me and I came to New York to start a new life. So there you have it. Now, how about you come clean and tell me the real reason you look so lonely all the time.” I know I may have pushed her a little too hard and her responses had been anything but predictable, but I needed to know.
“Wow, your family is mafia, eh?” she nodded her head in disbelief, but she didn’t answer my question.
“Yeah.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “They are trouble, its another reason I don’t get involved in relationships, love is weakness,” I replied.
“Yes, love is weakness,” she repeated, throwing me off.
“Tell me more,” I urged her to speak.
“What do you want to know, Luc? My mama died of cancer two years ago and my father became an alcoholic. My brother took off to who knows where, and oh yeah, the week I found out my mother was dying, I also found my boyfriend of four years fucking another girl. The reason I look lonely is because I am.” Initially her words came out bitter and harsh, but by the time she told me about the boyfriend, her tone had lost its bite. I felt guilty that I urged her to divulge because it was clearly painful for her. We clearly shared the feeling of being deceived by a loved one. Despite all the lies I told my ex-wife, she was also less than honest when she didn’t reveal the reason she didn’t do relationships. It was because she gave her heart to a boy when she was only a girl. Betrayal stings, that’s for sure.
“I’m sorry, I should have never forced you to admit that.”
“Why? You were right, I was lying and it wasn’t fair. You have been open and honest with me since the moment we met.”
“I’ve learned that secrets can be dangerous, but I am a dangerous man too, Vicky. I need you to know that. It’s the reason I was being honest with you.”
“Is that what you tell all your dates?” she chuckled with disbelief as she shook her head. I was surprised she was still seated at this table with me. She was a smart woman I could tell.
“No, you are actually the first. I’m not going to lie, I feel something for you and it is scaring the shit out of me right now. The reason I am being honest with you is so we can have lunch and then you can be on your way. I need to scare you off, I am a monster, trust me.”
“Holy shit, what does that mean? You said the same thing last night. You are clearly not a monster if you left your family and started a legitimate life. The pieces don’t fall into place, Luc. What aren’t you telling me?” she asked throwing me off again. I knew this girl was sharp but not this sharp.
I was speechless. The waitress came by with our food and we ate silently for the rest of the meal. When we were done, she looked at me for a few moments but didn’t speak. The air around us remained tense and uncomfortable to say the least.
“You don’t need to worry, Luc, like I said I’m not looking for a relationship at all. I don’t want love. Anyways, even if I did, your story about your family doesn’t scare me,” she looked directly at me challenging me.
“Why doesn’t it scare you? It should,” I paused assessing her. This girl was a walking contradiction. She came across strong but her insides were broken. Her eyes were soft but her body language was sure and confident. “Do you have a death wish or something?” I asked, tilting my head, assessing her. I asked her that question in the car and some weird emotion came across her face, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. This girl was a mystery to me. The minute I asked the question again, my memory of the way she fought off her attacker flood my mind. She was more than confident. She came to a sex party in a new city on her own. She was going to take a bus in the middle of the night dressed like a prostitute. She isn’t scared when I tell her I am a monster or that my family is mafia. The revelation hits me and I blink, my stomach falling out from under me. This girl doesn’t want to live. I’m saddened because there is something so perfect and pure about the broken mess that is Vicky Molino.
My chest constricted but I wasn’t nervous. It’s almost as if my heart had come alive again. I realized that I want to understand her pain. The revelation hit me hard. This contradiction of a woman sitting across from me was making me want, making me hope.
“Hey, what’s up with the staring? You’re freaking me out.” She leaned forward across the table and waved her hand in my face, pulling me out of my daze. I blinked again.
“Are you going to answer my question?” I asked her with a hint of challenge in my tone.
She was quiet for a moment and wrapped her arms around her waist, leaning back on her chair. She wasn’t shying away from the question though she gave me attitude. Like how dare I ask such a question?
“Is that what you are used to, Luc? You tell girls that you are all badass and they go running?” she snapped back. I inwardly chuckled not wanting to offend her, but honestly her feistiness was too cute.
“Not exactly, Vicky. Back home the girls knew who I was. They knew my family was dangerous but very wealthy. Those types of girls used to hang around me and not run because they were the type only interested in money, and trust me when I say, I had a very large following. The thing is, Vicky, my gut tells me that you aren’t some slut trying to score herself a rich guy to take care of her…” I continued. Her lips turned down. Did I hit a soft spot? Maybe. “I think you’re smart, educated, and can take care of yourself, which leaves me wondering why you are putting up this tough facade of 'I don’t give a shit and nothing scares me.'”
I end my assessment and she picked up her purse from the floor and began to get up from her seat. Shit! What’s wrong with me? Yes, I was trying to scare her away, but I invited her to lunch and I was being an asshole. “Vicky, I’m so sorry.” I stood up from my chair and placed my hand softly on her arm. “Please sit down, have a latte. I really am sorry I don’t know why I am coming off so strong. As you can see, I didn’t lie the other night when I said I hadn’t been with a woman in two years. I clearly need to brush up on my manners. You are my lunch guest and I treated you badly. Let me make it up to you. Stay…no more questions,” I said exhaling. My earlier need to protect myself from falling for this girl made me behave badly. I wanted to show her that I’m not that guy, I’m not an asshole.
She looked unsure of whether to stay and as she stared into my eyes. I gave her my best puppy dog eyes. Damn, I was practically begging. Her defensive demeanor lightened and I’m relieved when she takes her seat again. The waitress came by and I ordered two lattes.
“Why, Luc?” she asked with a pained expression throwing me off.
“Why what?” I ask, confused.
“Why haven’t you slept with a woman in two years?” she asks. I guess I set myself up for this.
“Honestly, Vicky, and I don’t know why I am being so open with you. Let me get this out that I have never been this open with a woman before, but I will consider it part of my personal growth…” I mumbled. Clearly my psycho analyzing babble bored her. Only when I look up to her eyes, she was watching me intently. “I’m boring you?”
“No.” She shook her head… “Go on.”
“Have you ever met a person and just by looking in their eyes you feel like you can almost see through them or that they can see through you?” I asked, inwardly cringing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. What happened to the badass mobster that took what he wanted and didn’t ask questions, didn’t consider the consequences?