“Luc, we aren’t doing this, I’m sorry…can’t we drink our lattes and discuss the weather?” She grinned looking uncomfortable. “It doesn’t matter what it is you are feeling when you look at me or I look at you,” she drawled.
“You feel something when you look at me?” I ask surprised.
She flinched. “That’s not what I meant. This is just lunch. We are two adults trying to make light conversation unsuccessfully, but we are still trying. I don’t do relationships. You are right. I was in university, I was working on my electrical engineering degree, but I never finished it. I like to be independent and I definitely don’t need some rich guy to take care of me. Besides, there are no happily ever afters…” she paused to take a small sip of her latte. Huh! This must be the damage her boyfriend caused.
My eyes are glued to this wonder before me. I don’t know what it is. I’m the epitome of evil. I’ve done bad things that I feel remorse over, but my remorse doesn’t change anything. I live my life haunted by a dark past. Vicky was just a girl. She must be at least seven or eight years younger than me. She looks like she’s barely had a chance to live, let alone mess up. Whatever happened to her must have been bad but she is good. I am not and I needed to remember that.
“I’m sorry to hear such a young person as yourself having such a grim outlook on life,” I smiled sadly. She gave me a small smile laced with guilt. I wondered what the guilt was about? Then I inwardly kick myself because I needed to stop wondering about her.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. Bryce’s name lit up the screen. “Hello.” Bryce is usually quick and to the point. I don’t do too much talking. He’d asked me to set up an internship for the girl that was in his office this morning. Little did he know that the girl was sitting across from me at lunch. Many students have applied for an internship at Tyson Global but very few get in. How is it that this fake magazine reporter has got herself inside Tyson so quickly? I was groomed to look at all aspects of a situation and be suspicious all the time. Suddenly, I was suspicious of Vicky Molino and her intentions. Yes, she was strikingly beautiful and perfect, but after defecting from the family business I’ve had to look over my shoulder every step of the way. As Vicky looked out the restaurant window watching people walk by, I closed my conversation with Bryce. He said he would be calling her tomorrow with his proposal.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“That was Bryce. He just informed me that he wants to offer you an internship.” I tilt my head assessing her. I didn’t understand why Bryce would do that.
“Oh,” her head flinched back. She seemed just as shocked as I was.
“Why does Bryce want to do that?” I asked, suspicion in my tone. I know it was an invasive question but I couldn’t help it. It’s something that had been ingrained in me.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged with nonchalance. I didn’t buy it but I figured I had pressed her enough so I let it be.
“I enjoyed lunch but I have to get back to the office,” I said, looking at the time on my phone. I would have loved to spend more time with her, but I had an important project to attend to.
“Yeah, of course,” she said placing her latte back on the saucer.
“Where are you headed? I can ask my driver to take you, once he drops me off. I’m sorry but I do have to get back to work.”
“No worries, I’m fine. I will find my way,” she waved me off.
“Vicky, please let Jean, my driver, take you where you need to go,” I insisted.
“Sure, I guess back to the motel. I wouldn’t mind changing into something more comfortable before venturing around the streets of New York.”
“You’re still at that motel?” I snapped with disgust in my tone. Shit! I offended her again. “I’m sorry it’s just…”
She cut me off. “Don’t apologize I know it’s gross and decrepit. Trust me, I am not used to staying in places like that, but I have a budget here in New York,” she explained looking a little ashamed.
“You don’t need to explain yourself, I’m just worried about you staying in such a place,” I said as I got up from my chair. She stood as well and we both headed to the restaurant exit. I placed my hand on the small of her back guiding her out. Touching her felt natural and I wanted more of her. I haven’t wanted more since I was back in Canada. As I thought of Canada I was reminded why I don’t sleep with women and I removed my hand from her back. She almost looked as disappointed as me by the loss of touch. Oh, Vicky, even if I wanted something with you, I would end up disappointing you and hurting you. My haunted revelations taunted me over and over again as we made our way to the car.
The drive back to Tyson was once again quiet as she sat on the far end of the seat looking out the window. What a messed up date. First I tried to get in her head and came off too strong. The next minute I was envisioning shoving my tongue in her mouth and licking her creamy white neck and now things were just awkward. The SUV stopped in front of Tyson.
“Stay safe, Vicky. Jean will take you where you need to go,” I smiled sadly.
“Sure, thanks for the shoes,” she said lifting one leg in the air showing me her fuck me shoes and her sexy muscular leg. “And for lunch,” she smiled lightly.
“Anytime,” I muttered. “Bye, Vicky.”
“Bye, Luc,” she replied.
Something about our goodbye seemed so final. Probably because we never made plans to meet again. I guess that’s how it is with people like us; people who shy away from commitments and ever afters. There are lots of goodbyes.
Chapter 7
Past
Two and a half years ago
Vicky
Three years, three years I’ve spent at Lakehead University working my ass off to get into a respectable engineering program for graduate school. Three years of friendships, good memories, building a future. One minute for it all to get washed away. One single visit home, and my life got pulled out from under my feet. I’m glad the Dean agreed to give me a deferral this year, but who knows if I’ll come back. Who knows what life will be like after. I can’t allow my mind to think that way, I can’t picture an after. Picturing an after burns a hole through my heart. She’s still here and I feel lost already.
***
“We've been roommates for three years, Vicky, you can't just leave without telling me what's wrong,” Riley begged as tears ran down her cheeks. I didn't mean to leave her hanging like this; we were so close. We'd been roomies for three years. She was more like the sister I wished for as a little girl than a friend. I was frantically walking back and forth in the dorm room, throwing all my belongings in my open suitcases on the bed. I didn’t know where to begin, there were so many things. My insides were turning and I could barely see straight.
“Vicky,” Riley hollered, placing her hands on both of my arms, trying to gauge what I was feeling. She looked deep into my eyes, thinking she’s psychic or something and I almost wanted to laugh. Almost.
“Ry,” I inhaled a sharp breath, as much as I wanted to tell her what was wrong and why I had to leave, I couldn't will the words out of my mouth. If I said the words my reality would become real and I was drowning. I wanted to break down and cry on Riley's shoulder, but my stubborn ass will to hold on prevented me from breaking. My stubborn ass will would get me through this. I took a big gulp and sucked down the pain threatening to burn right through me.
“Please, Ry, I appreciate that you care, but I can't talk, I need my space on this one,” I pled as I frantically tried to pack all my things. This didn’t even feel real. I was frustrated and lost. I couldn’t even think straight let alone pack myself, and my damn hands wouldn’t stop shaking.