No.
God. No.
Why would he do that?
“Why would he do that?” I breathed.
“He is a man,” Valentine answered gently, studied my face that I could actually feel was pale and then she continued. “Therefore, my goddess of love, your husband has been very busy. Your parents of this world have known of all of this since your return to them after the time you spent in the country. The three of them have known you are bound to this world everlasting and Princess Sjofn would never return. But it is only your husband, and one of his men who procured the placebo for you, that knows he has schemed behind your back to get you with child.”
I couldn’t believe this.
This was unbelievable.
Why would Frey do this? Any of it.
Why?
Memories clashed in my head. Atticus seeming so despondent when I couldn’t hit the target I knew now was not because he was disappointed in his Sjofn but because he was mourning the loss of his daughter. Both his and Aurora’s easy acceptance of me, acceptance they had no choice but to have for their Frey, their Drakkar had commanded the elves. All of them, including Frey’s quick and unreserved happiness I was pregnant without me having to say a word about remaining in this world, switching places with Sjofn and providing an heir to the throne.
God, I was so stupid, so blind, so involved in falling in love I didn’t even notice, didn’t think, didn’t piece it together – but this was because they all knew I was never leaving way before I did and way before I even knew I wanted to.
I felt my jaw clench and a red film descended over my eyes.
“That said…” Valentine’s voice came to me but I had stopped hearing her, nothing was penetrating the injured, infuriated fog filling my head.
I slowly stood and turned to round the bed.
“Seoafin,” she called but I ignored her and moved, my gait slow, my head feeling fuzzy, my eyes still seeing red.
“Seoafin,” I heard again and then I heard an angry mew from Penelope which could only mean that Valentine had stood but I kept going, my pace quickening. “Seoafin, my goddess of love, I’m not quite –”
But she didn’t finish because I was running to the door, out the door, down the hall, down the stairs, down the next flight, out the door and into the snow.
And as I blindly ran, I ran right into Ruben who caught me in his arms.
“Finnie, what are you doing outside without a cloak?” he asked and my head shot back, my gaze locked with his and his head jerked at what he saw.
“Where’s Frey?” I demanded to know.
“Finnie –” Ruben started, his eyes turning guarded as they took in my face, his hands coming to my upper arms, fingers curling around carefully.
“Ben, where… is… Frey?” I ended my question on a shriek and Ruben’s head jerked again as his fingers tightened.
Then he said gently, “Go inside, my princess, I’ll get him.”
“Fuck that,” I snapped, yanking free of his hold and ignoring his wince at my words. “Tell me where he is.”
“Fin –” he started, something caught his attention, he looked beyond me, his big body went tight and his eyes narrowed.
“Ben!” I yelled and his eyes snapped back to me. “Where the fuck is Frey?”
“Right here, wee one, what on earth is amiss?” I heard Frey ask and the minute I heard his voice, I turned on him.
Then I took him in as he moved toward me, his boots crunching in the snow and my heart squeezed, hard and tight, staying frozen like it was never going to pump again.
My beautiful husband. My sweet and gentle Frey. The man I loved. The man whose child I was carrying. The man who had lied to me and irrevocably changed the course of my life… twice… without bothering to discuss it with me.
“Frey, there’s a wo –” Ruben started to say in a low tone but I cut him off.
“You unbelievable asshole!” I shrieked, Frey’s brows shot together over narrowed eyes as he stopped walking about four feet from me and his body went still.
“Finnie, what –?” he started.
“Fuck you!” I spat, leaning forward to do it. “Fuck you, Frey! I cannot fucking believe you!”
“Frey –” Ruben said quietly, Frey’s eyes unlocked with mine, he looked around me, he focused on something in the distance, I saw his face go hard but I ignored all of this and kept at it.
“You told the elves to bind me to this world,” I accused hotly and his eyes shot back to my face. “You did it a long time ago. You did it without asking me. You did it before you even knew you liked me much less loved me. And you did it so you wouldn’t have to be bound to Sjofn for the rest of your days. You did it for completely selfish reasons. You did it without once thinking of me. You did it only thinking of you.” I watched as he flinched, I knew that proved Valentine’s words true and my heart started pumping so fast, in an instant my blood felt like it was going to boil through my skin and it pushed me to keep right on going. “Who could do that and how?” I shouted. “How?” I screamed. “How could you do that?” I shrieked, arms straight down at my sides, hands in fists, torso leaning toward him.
“Finnie, love, let’s go inside,” he said gently, moving to me, hand coming toward me but I took two quick steps back and lifted my hand, palm out to him and he stopped but only at my next words.
“Don’t you dare touch me, Frey, don’t you fucking touch me because that was just the worst of it but not all of it. I know… I fucking know you switched my powders without talking to me about that either.”
I heard Ruben pull in a breath but it was Frey’s face that had my attention because it changed, his eyes flashed and his voice got low when he ordered, “Finnie, we’re going inside.”
“Fuck that and fuck you!” I leaned forward to screech. “Who does that? Who does any of this shit?” I yelled, throwing my hands out. “It’s my body, Frey! I get to decide or at the very least we talk about when we create a baby but oh no…” I drew this out sarcastically, shaking my head and taking another step back. “Not The Drakkar. Not The Frey. My life isn’t mine. My body isn’t mine. Both are clearly yours to do with whatever you wish without once consulting me.”
“Wife,” Frey cut in, “you’re distressed and there’s a woman I do not know standing behind you. Let us go inside and –”
“Unh-unh,” I shook my head. “No way. No fucking, fucking way. I’m not going anywhere with you. The only thing I know, because Valentine told me, is that wherever I go has to be here!” I shouted, pointing to the ground realizing belatedly we had an audience of all my girls (save, probably, Jocelyn though I was in no state to check) and a number of Frey’s men but I didn’t care.
Not even a little bit.
And that was why I kept yelling. “I had friends back home, Frey, people I love. And I’ll never see them again not even to say good-bye. I didn’t have family but I had a family of friends and without thinking of me once you swept them all away. You swept my whole world away. How could you do that? How could my sweet, generous husband do that to me?” I ended on a screech, Frey’s face shifted to concern at my rising hysteria, he took two swift steps to me but I scuttled quickly away, hand back up, palm out, rounding Ruben and retreating while still speaking. “Don’t come near me.” I shook my head. “Don’t you dare come near me.” This I whispered as the despair began to overwhelm me. “You’ve… you… I can’t believe I’m not safe with you. I can’t believe I can’t trust you and I can’t believe I now know I never fucking could.”
Frey’s body turned with mine and he followed me as I backed through the snow. “My love –” he started but I shook my head hard.
“I’m not that,” I told him, tears making my voice hoarse as they shone in my eyes. “I’m not that to you. I’m not your love and I never have been. You don’t treat someone you love like this. You don’t. Not ever. Not ever.”