“You shouldn’t, damn it. Didn’t you hear what I said? When the important moment comes, I could make the wrong choice. I could put myself first.”
Both his parents had a lot to answer for in her mind, but Josie wasn’t buying any of Daniel’s fears. “I’m betting you won’t.” She didn’t say wouldn’t as if there was a possibility the occasion would not arise because she knew the time would come.
And either he was going to rip her heart out by its moorings and walk away, or overcome his fears to make a future with her. With this new insight, she believed that given enough time together, he’d do the latter. It would just take time for him to realize that fact.
In the meantime she wasn’t going to dwell on her own unhappy truth: that in order to have a future with Daniel, she had to give up her dreams of leaving the soldiering life behind. She never had to be a mercenary again, but if she wanted to be with him, she would have to move back to the mountain and spend her time surrounded by soldiers in training.
Any children they had would be raised the way she’d been raised, maybe not as stringently, but soldiering would be the life they knew. They would be misfits in a world that had an uneasy alliance with its military. Perhaps she would have to give up her dream of being a mother at all.
She understood Daniel’s mother’s frustrations. She’d fought against her son being limited by his surroundings and paid a huge price for refusing to back down. According to Josie’s dad’s diaries, the only thing her father and mother had fought about was his need to raise her with the ability to protect herself from any foe.
“What happened to your dad?”
“He went to prison for manslaughter. I was a witness for the prosecution. I wanted a murder charge.” She could feel Daniel’s pain reaching out to wrap itself around her and squeeze at her sore heart.
“They didn’t take his pattern of abuse into consideration?” she asked.
“It was unsubstantiated. I’d been gone too long for my testimony in that regard to be taken into consideration, but there was no doubt that he was responsible for her death.”
“But you weren’t.”
“We all have regrets to live with. I can’t dismiss mine.”
“Fine.” She grabbed his shirt in both of her fists, needing him to hear what she was saying. “Regret not being able to help your mother, but don’t blame yourself for her choices or your father’s. They were both adults. She could have walked out any time, and you would have taken care of her. She didn’t, and she paid a price for staying with a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t control his temper. None of that was your fault.”
“Maybe he didn’t know how,” he said, ignoring her exonerating words. “It took me a long time to learn to control mine, and that was with a really good teacher.”
“Does he get in a lot of fights in prison?”
“I don’t know. I don’t keep in touch.”
She understood it, but wondered if that choice had taken another toll on Daniel. “Have you ever considered going to see him?”
“No.”
“Has he ever tried to contact you?”
“No.”
She couldn’t tell if that bothered him or not. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have one parent responsible for the death of the other. Love and family loyalty got irretrievably twisted and distorted in that scenario.
“Why did you tell me all this?”
“I hurt you.”
“When you told me that I didn’t count for anything but sex?”
His eyes flared, and his jaw locked, but she didn’t give him a chance to say anything.
“Yes, you did hurt me. Are you trying to tell me that maybe I mean something to you and that despite your belief you aren’t capable of watching over me and being trusted with my safety, you’re doing it anyway because you care too much to turn away from me?”
She wasn’t making guesses about anything with him anymore. She wanted his feelings spelled out. If he said no, it would hurt, but at least she wouldn’t be deluding herself.
His hands locked on to her waist, and his body vibrated with tension. “I don’t want you hurt.”
She just looked at him, willing him to answer her question.
Something seemed to snap inside of him, and he gritted out, “Yes, damn it, yes. Are you satisfied?”
She reached up on tiptoes and pressed her lips oh so softly to his. “Thank you, Daniel. That means so much to me.”
His arms locked around her, and the kiss they shared was both passionate and full of commitment. It was a confirmation of their value to each other, of feelings that went beyond sexual gratification, of a connection that reached into the spiritual. If only he would let himself see it.
“Uh, should we come back later?”
The sound of Hotwire’s voice broke through the intimacy of the kiss, and Josie reluctantly allowed Daniel to pull away.
He turned with one arm still locked around her, effectively turning her, too. “If I say yes, will you go away?”
“Actually, I was going to suggest we all go away.”
“What do you mean?” Claire asked, standing on the other side of Hotwire.
He smiled at her and then at Josie and Daniel. “Josie’s a fantastic cook, no doubt about it, but maybe if we leave, go get some dinner, the straggler reporters will take off, too.”
She liked Daniel’s idea better, that everyone else leave and she and Daniel get some time alone, but didn’t think they’d get away with it. “What if someone tries to break in again?”
“Already taken care of.” Hotwire held up an independent motion detector device. “If it detects motion, it releases an odorless sleeping agent while alerting the remote unit of the compromised perimeter.”
“That could be dangerous around pets.” Claire was looking at the small device in Hotwire’s hand with distinct wariness.
“You and Josie don’t have any pets.”
“True, but how sensitive is it? I mean, if I stay in my room, will it go off? What if I have to go to the bathroom?”
Hotwire looked bemused, and it was such an interesting, not to mention uncommon, expression on his face that Josie had to stifle a laugh.
“We’re not going to have the units armed when you’re home, Claire,” he said.
“Oh.” She didn’t look appreciably relieved. “Okay.” She turned to leave the room.
“Where are you going?” Hotwire’s Georgian charm was obvious by its absence, but he didn’t sound angry, just confused.
Claire looked back over her shoulder, her eyes saying she couldn’t quite figure out why he was asking that. “To get a snack and then I’m going to study. Did you need something?”
“You’re going to dinner with us.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Why do you think you aren’t going?”
“I wasn’t invited, and even if I had been, I’ve got studying to do.”
“Your studying can wait until you’ve eaten. You admitted in the car you’d had nothing since your almost nonexistent breakfast this morning.”
Hotwire had quizzed Claire on what she’d eaten that day?
“Don’t worry about me. I’m used to skipping a meal or two when I need to.”
“Your brain can’t function at optimum potential when you don’t feed your body the fuel it needs.”
Claire was still looking as though she didn’t understand why Hotwire was asking her about something that had nothing to do with him. Josie was almost as bemused as Claire. Hotwire was all southern charm with women. Only he always kept a certain distance, but he was ignoring his self-imposed boundaries with Claire. From the look on Claire’s face, he was ignoring hers, too.
“If you stay, the reporters will think there’s still a chance of getting something worth printing and stick around,” Daniel said.