But this was different. He couldn’t take the risk of putting Tapestry in danger. Even if he managed to keep from hurting her, it was almost certain that if he had an episode, he’d damage the ship. And that was the same thing, in the end.
“Do it, Tapestry,” he said. “I’m so sorry. I let everyone down. I let you down.”
Malcolm closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and accepted his fate.
CHAPTER 24
Malcolm waited. His thoughts were suspended, not racing or reflecting on the events of his life, but empty, and almost meditative. He waited for his own death in full acceptance of it.
Minutes went by, long enough to pull him from his hollow reverie and make him realize that something was wrong. He heard an airlock door sliding, and realized with surprise that it was the inner door, the one behind him, leading back to the ship.
“Tapestry…” Malcolm slowly shook his head.
She can’t keep me alive. That’s not an option here.
Malcolm watched as she floated back toward him. He could tell that she’d been crying heavily, but it looked different than it would have back on Earth, tears floating free of her eyes and getting into her hair and on her forehead instead of leaving neat, downward trails.
She put her arms around him and let out a silent sob, her body shaking with it despite herself. Malcolm only hugged her back when he stopped to consider how cruel it would be for him not to.
“No…” he whispered. “Tapestry, I don’t want to hurt you. You know what you have to do.”
He felt her fingernails dig into his back slightly.
“You don’t want to hurt me?” she asked. She pulled and stared at him, anger clear in her eyes. “But you’d force me to make this decision? You idiot!”
Malcolm bowed his head. What other options did they have? He wasn’t himself anymore. He was a monster, and all it would take was his first lapse of control to jeopardize them both. Having him onboard the ship now was like sheltering a ticking time bomb.
“You would have done it back on Earth, if I’d turned,” said Malcolm. “Wouldn’t you have?”
He asked the question before giving it any really thought, and immediately wished that he hadn’t. He saw Tapestry’s thoughts going back to when Second Wind had turned into a demon and showed up at her house. He’d never gotten a chance to ask her for the full story of what had happened before he’d shown up.
“I… can’t lose you,” whispered Tapestry. “Not again.”
Her eyes met his, and Malcolm didn’t see any of the disgust and horror from before left in them. Instead, there was recognition, as though her mind was closing the gap between Malcolm the champion and whatever he was now. Seeing her working so hard to accept him healed a part of him he hadn’t realized was damaged.
“Tapestry…” He smiled at her, and suddenly felt his own overwhelming urge to cry.
Keep it together, Malcolm. Focus on the situation.
“We have to come up with a plan, then,” he continued. “This is… such a huge risk you’re taking. We have to come up with a way to ensure that at the very least, I’m not a danger to you.”
“Your focus activity,” said Tapestry. “The rock and roll music you love so much. I’ll see if ground control can email some of it to us.”
Malcolm smiled at her choice of words, but also at how committed she was to seeing her decision through. She was still Tapestry, and even if she was about to do something risky, she had too much wisdom to not approach it from the best angle.
“Lock me in one of the storage rooms,” said Malcolm. “Those doors are also airtight. That way, if something happens…”
If I have an episode…
“No,” said Tapestry. “I don’t think that will be necessary.”
“Tapestry…”
“I’m in charge, Malcolm,” she said, sharply. “That’s the first thing we need to be totally clear on. You’ve forfeited any claim of authority you might have had on the ship when…” She trailed off, unsure of her words. “When the accident happened. I have a clear head and will be the one calling the shots from here forward.”
Malcolm couldn’t help but smile.
“Well, you certainly haven’t gotten any less bossy,” he said.
A small smiled crept onto Tapestry’s lips, though Malcolm could tell she was trying to suppress it. She was still floating close to him, and hesitantly, she extended a hand toward his face.
“Was it… painful?” she asked.
Malcolm shrugged.
“I don’t know,” he said. “When I got hit, I lost consciousness. I woke up in the middle of space, not knowing where the ship was, with no communications. And apparently, I’d already turned.”
Tapestry winced in sympathy.
“And your powers…?”
Malcolm smiled.
“They’re back,” he said. “And stronger than ever.”
A sudden urge called out to him. He wanted to show her, or rather, he wanted to show off. He had more power at the tips of his fingers than he’d ever imagined possible. How amazing would it be to give Tapestry a demonstration, to show her that they weren’t powerless against their enemies anymore?
He forced it down, seeing it for what it was. But it took willpower to keep contained, and Malcolm felt a dark suspicion that it would be impossible to keep under control forever.
“Are there any other changes I should know about?” asked Tapestry.
“Such as…?”
Malcolm saw her blush slightly, but couldn’t guess at what the cause of it was. She didn’t elaborate further on her question.
“Well, I guess we should continue on, then,” she said. “With the mission. I think it’s better if I deal with ground control alone now, just so we don’t have to do too much explaining.”
“There’s a good chance they’ve already seen me over one of the camera feeds,” said Malcolm.
Tapestry shook her head.
“Only the one in the cockpit is a constant feed back to Earth,” she said. “I asked about that.”
“Well… alright,” said Malcolm. “I agree. I’ll stay in the background and let you be the brave captain of the ship.”
Tapestry gave him a look of feigned frustration, but the smile behind it was real.
“Malcolm…” she said. She looked as though she had something else to add, but stopped herself.
“This is weird for me, too,” said Malcolm. “But I promise you, Tapestry. I’m going to keep myself in line. Even if it kills me.”
CHAPTER 25
The next few hours passed by in a surreal blur. Malcolm found himself avoiding Tapestry, his own worries about what might happen outweighing his feelings for her.
He spent several minutes in the ship’s cramped bathroom, floating in front of a mirror and barely recognizing the face staring back at him. He still looked like himself when it came to the basic features, but at a glance, all Malcolm saw was monster. It wasn’t until he looked for the details, the lines of his chin and cheekbones, that he saw himself.
He was a little surprised that he didn’t look like Second Wind had as a monster. His copy’s skin had gone pale white, while Malcolm was now more of a faint blue. If not for the bumps along his skull, he might have been able to pass for normal under the right lighting conditions.
True to Tapestry’s word, she had the ground control team send up a playlist of Malcolm’s favorite 90s rock songs. Hearing Blink-182 and Nirvana playing through the ship’s speakers only made the entire situation seem even stranger. He kept expecting himself to wake up at any second.
It’s not a dream, though. I know it isn’t.
“There’s food out here, if you aren’t too scared to be in the same room as me,” called Tapestry.