Richard flinched. He hated it when she had him fetch the Agiel; touching it hurt. Fearing the result of hesitation more, he gritted his teeth and snatched it up, holding it in the open palms of his hands. The pain of it vibrated in his elbows and shoulders. He could hardly wait for her to take it. She had propped up the pillows against the headboard and was sitting up a little, watching him. He let out a deep breath when she picked it out of his hand.
"Mistress Denna, why doesn't it hurt you to touch it?"
"It does, same as you. It hurts me to touch it because it is the one used to train me."
His eyes opened wide. "You mean, the whole time you hold it, it hurts you? The whole time you are training me?"
She nodded, rolling it in her fingers, looking away from his eyes for a second. She gave him a little frown and smile. "There is rarely a time I am without pain, of one kind or another. That is one reason the training of a Mord-Sith takes years-to learn to handle the pain. I guess it's also why only women are Mord-Sith; men are too weak. The chain around my wrist allows me to let it hang; it doesn't hurt when it hangs by the chain. But while I use it on someone, it causes constant pain."
"I never knew." Richard's insides knotted in anguish. "I'm sorry, Mistress Denna. I'm sorry it hurts you, that you must suffer to teach me."
"Pain can bring pleasure all its own, my love. That's one of the things I'm teaching you. And it's time for another lesson." Her eyes glided up and down him. "Enough talk."
Richard recognized the look in her eyes, the quickening of her breathing. "But, Mistress Denna, you've just bathed, and I'm all sweaty."
A small smile came to one side of her mouth. "I like your sweat."
With her eyes locked on his, she put the Agiel between her teeth.
–+-
The days passed with a numbing sameness. Richard didn't mind the devotions, because he wasn't being trained, hurt. But he hated saying the words, and had to concentrate on Denna's braid the whole of the time he chanted. Chanting the same thing, hour after hour, on his knees with his head against the floor tiles, was hardly less onerous than the training. Richard found himself waking at night, or in the morning, chanting the words. Master Rahl guide us. Master Rahl teach us. Master Rahl protect us. In your light we thrive. In your mercy we are sheltered. In your wisdom we are humbled. We live only to serve. Our lives are yours.
Denna didn't wear the red anymore; instead, she wore white leather. She told him it was a gesture that said he was broken, had been taken for a mate, and that to show her power over him she chose not to make him bleed. Constance didn't like it. It didn't make much difference to Richard; the Agiel felt the same whether it drew blood or not. Constance was with Denna about half the time, occasionally going off to train a new pet. Constance became more and more insistent about being left alone with Richard, but Denna wouldn't permit it. Constance threw her all into his training. The more Richard saw of her, the more terrified he became of her. Denna smiled at him whenever she told Constance to take over.
One day, after the afternoon devotion, when Constance had gone off to train someone else, Denna took him back to the little room adjacent to her quarters for his afternoon training. She hoisted him up by the rope until he was. hardly able to touch the floor.
"Mistress Denna, with your permission, would you allow Mistress Constance to do all my training from now on?" His question had an effect he hadn't expected. It enraged her. She stared at him, her face turning a deep red; then she started hitting him with the Agiel, driving it into him, screaming at him, telling him how worthless he was, how insignificant, how she was sick of his talking. Denna was strong, and she beat him with the Agiel as hard as she could. It went on and on.
Richard couldn't remember her being so angry, so severe, so cruel. Soon he couldn't remember anything, even where he was. He convulsed in pain. He couldn't say anything or beg her to stop, or even breathe most of the time. She never slowed or let up. She just seemed to get angrier as she hurt him. He saw blood on the floor, a lot of blood. It splattered all over her white leather. Her chest heaved with her effort, her rage. Her braid came loose.
Denna grabbed his hair and yanked his head back. She gave him no warning. She drove the Agiel in his ear harder than she ever had. She did it again and again. Time distorted into eternity. He no longer knew who he was, or what was happening. He no longer tried to beg, to cry, to hold on.
She stopped, standing next to him, panting in ire. "I'm going to dinner." He felt the agony of the magic come on in him. He gasped, his eyes going wide. "While I'm gone, and I'm going to take my time, I've leaving the pain of the magic on you. You will not be able to pass out, or to stop it. If you let the anger get away from you, it will make the pain worse. And it will get away from you. I promise."
She went to the wall and hoisted the rope up until his feet were off the floor. Richard cried out. His arms felt as if they would be torn out.
"Enjoy yourself." She turned on her heels and left.
Richard balanced on the edge of sanity and madness, the suffering twisting in him, making him unable to control the anger, as she had promised. The flames of his hurt consumed him. It was somehow worse that she wasn't there. He had never felt so alone, so helpless, and the pain wouldn't even let him cry; he could only gasp in agony.
He had no idea how long he was left alone. He was aware only of suddenly dropping to the floor, then Denna's boots to either side of his head as she stood over him. She turned off the pain of the magic, but his arms were still clamped helplessly behind his back, and the burning inferno of pain in his shoulders didn't extinguish. He cried against the blood on the floor as she stood over him.
"I told you before," she hissed through gritted teeth, "you are my mate for life." He could hear her heavy breathing, the rage in her. "Before I begin doing worse to you, and you are no longer able to speak, I want you to tell me why you asked to have-Constance train you instead of me."
He coughed up blood, trying to speak.
"That is not the way you talk to me! On your knees! Now!"
He tried to get to his knees, but with his arms behind his back, he was unable to. Denna took a fistful of his hair and pulled him up. Dizzy, he fell against her, his face against the wet blood on her belly. His blood.
She pushed him away from her with the tip of the Agiel against his forehead. That brought his eyes open. He looked up at her, to answer.
Denna backhanded him across the-mouth. "Look at the ground when you speak to me! No one gave you permission to look at me!" Richard looked down at her boots. "You're running out of time! Answer the question!"
Richard coughed up more blood; it ran down his chin, and he had to struggle to keep from vomiting. "Because, Mistress Denna," he said hoarsely, "I know it hurts you to hold the Agiel. I know it hurts you to train me. I wanted Mistress Constance to do it, to spare you the pain. I don't want you to hurt. I know what it feels like to hurt; you have taught me. You have already been hurt enough; I don't want you to hurt any more. I would rather have Mistress Constance punish me than have you be in pain."
He strove to balance himself on his knees. There was a long silence. Richard stared at her boots, and coughed a little, struggling to breathe with the pain in his shoulders. The silence seemed as if it would never end. He didn't know what she was going to do to him next.
"I don't understand you, Richard Cypher," she said softly, at last, the anger gone from her voice. "The spirits take me, I don't understand you." She walked behind him, unhooked the device that held his arms, and walked out of the room without another word. He couldn't straighten out his arms properly, and fell on his face. He didn't try to get up, he only cried against the bloody floor.