She drew her knee up his leg until it wouldn't go any father. Little sounds escaped with some of her breaths. His chest heaved against her hand. As he lay under her, she thought he had never seemed so big to her before.
"I want you," she panted in a breathless whisper.
Her head lowered. Her lips brushed against his.
A look of pain seemed to cross his eyes. "Only if you first tell me what you are."
The words cut through her, bringing her eyes open wide. Her head moved back a little. But she was touching him; he could not stop her, she thought. she didn't want him to stop her. She barely had a grasp on the power as it was, and it was slipping from her hold. She could feel it. She brought her lips back to his, another small sound escaping with her breath.
The hand on her back moved up under her shirt, took a fistful of her hair, gently pulling her head away.
"Kahlan, I mean it. Only if you tell me first."
Reason flooded back into her mind, washing coldly through her, drowning her passion. She had never cared for anyone like this. How could she touch him with her power? How could she do this to him? She pushed back. What was she doing? What was she thinking?
She sat back on her heels, taking her hand from his chest, putting it over her mouth. The world crashed in around her. How could she tell him'? He would hate her; she would lose him. Her head spun sickeningly.
Richard sat up, put his hand gently on her shoulder. "Kahlan," he said softly, drawing her panicked eyes to his, "you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Only if you want to do this."
Her eyebrows wrinkled together as she tried to keep from crying. "Please." She could hardly get the words out. "Just hold me?"
He drew her tenderly to him, held her head to his shoulder. Pain, pain of who she was, reached its icy fingers back into her. His other arm wrapped protectively around her, holding her tight against him as he rocked her.
"That's what friends are for," he whispered in her ear.
She was too drained even to cry.
"I promise, Richard, I will tell you. But not tonight? Tonight, just hold me. Please?"
He slowly lay back down, embracing her tightly against him with his strong arms as she bit one of her knuckles and clutched him with her other hand.
"When you want to. Not before," he promised.
The horror of what she was wrapped her in its cold embrace, too. She shook with the chill of it. Her eyes refused to close for a long time, until at last she went to sleep, her last thoughts of him
CHAPTER 28
TRY ONCE MORE, " THE Bird Man said. "And stop thinking of the bird you want"-he tapped Richard's head with his knuckles — "from here. " He jabbed a finger in Richard's abdomen. "Think of it here!"
Richard nodded at Kahlan's translation and put the whistle to his lips. His cheeks puffed out as he blew. As usual, there was no sound. The Bird Man, Richard, and Kahlan looked around the flat country. The hunters who had escorted them out onto the plain, their heads swiveling nervously, leaned against spears planted point up in the grassy ground.
Seemingly from nowhere, starlings, sparrows, and small field birds, thousands of them, descended, diving and swooping, on the small company. The. hunters ducked, laughing, as they had all day, The air was filled with small birds flying wildly about in a frenzy. The sky was black with them. The hunters fell to the ground, covering their heads, laughing hysterically. Richard rolled his eyes. Kahlan turned her face from him as she laughed. The Bird Man frantically put his own whistle to his lips and blew over and over again, his silver hair flying, trying desperately to send the birds back. At last they heeded his calls and vanished once more. Quiet returned to the grassland except, of course, for the hunters, who still rolled on the ground in laughter.
The Bird Man took a deep breath and put his hands on his hips. "I give up. We have been trying all day, and it is the same now as when we started. Richard With The Temper," he announced. "You are the worst bird caller I have ever seen. A child could learn it in three tries, but there is not enough breath in you for the rest of your life to learn. It is hopeless. The only thing your whistle says is, `Came, there is food here. »
"But I was thinking `hawk, I really was. Every kind of bird you named, I thought it hard as I could, honest."
When Kahlan translated, the hunters laughed all the more. Richard scowled over at them, but they kept laughing. The Bird Man folded his arms with a sigh.
"It is no use. The day ends, the gathering will be soon. " He put his arm around the shoulders of a frustrated Seeker. "Keep the gift of the whistle anyway. Though it will never aid you, let it serve as a reminder that while you may be better at some things than most people, in this, even a child is better than you.»
The hunters roared. Richard sighed and gave the Bird Man a nod. Everyone collected their things and headed back to the village.
Richard leaned toward her. "I was trying my best. Really. I don't understand it."
She grinned, taking his hand in hers. "I am sure you were."
Though the light was fading, the cloudy day had been the brightest in longer than she could remember, and it had helped to lift her spirits. Mostly, though, what helped her was the way Richard had treated her. He had let her have time to recover from last night without asking her anything. He had just held her, let her be.
Even though nothing more had happened, she felt closer to him than she ever had, but at the same time, she knew that was not a good thing. It only deepened her dilemma. She had almost made a very big mistake last night. The biggest mistake of her life. She was relieved that he had pulled her back from the brink. At the same time, part of her wished he hadn't.
When she woke this morning, she didn't know how he. would feel about her, if he would be hurt, angry, or hate her. Even though she lay bare-chested against him all night, she turned her back to him in embarrassment while she buttoned her shirt. As her fingers slipped the buttons back in place, she told him that no one had ever had a friend as patient as the one she had. She said she only hoped that someday she could prove to be as good a friend as he was.
"You already have. You have placed your trust, your life, in my hands. You have pledged your life in defense of me. What more proof could I have?"
She turned, and resisting mightily the urge to kiss him, thanked him for putting up with her.
"I will have to admit, though," he said, smiling, "that I will never look at an apple in quite the same way."
That made her laugh, partly in embarrassment, and they both laughed together a long time. Somehow, it made her feel better, and took away what could have been a thorn.
Suddenly Richard stopped in his tracks. She stopped, too, as the others walked on.
"Richard, what is it?"
"The sun." He looked pale. "For a moment, a shaft of sunlight was on my face."
She turned to the west. "All I see are clouds."
"1t was there, a small opening, but I don't see it either, now."
"Do you think it means something?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. But it's the first time I've seen even the slightest break in the clouds since Zedd put them there. Maybe it's nothing."
They started walking again, the eerie sounds of the boldas carrying to them across the windswept, flat grasslands. By the time they reached the village, it was dark. The banquet was still going on, as it had all last night, as it would tonight, until the gathering was over. Everyone was still going strong, except the children; many of whom walked around in a sleepy stupor or slept contentedly in corners here and there.