She must have made a small sound not in keeping with their lovemaking because Tad pulled back. He dropped his forehead to her shoulder and took a few deep breaths. He shifted to pull away, but she caught at his shoulders, wrapping a leg around him to freeze him in position.
“I wasn’t telling you to stop. You’re the best lover I’ve ever—”
“Let’s not talk about other people loving you,” Tad gritted through his teeth. He rolled to the side, keeping their legs in contact. “For some reason the thought makes me want to shoot someone.”
Missy stared at him. Was it possible? She knew what she felt. The emotional desire to be with him was even stronger than the physical compulsion. And the physical was off the charts. She cupped his face in her hands and reached out with her Omega sense into his mind, into the emotions and needs hidden away. Images flashed—naked bodies twined together, children playing in a field, two hands clasped that were wrinkled with time—Missy gasped.
She’d been wrong all along. She’d assumed her desire for him was a false reading when really she should have known.
He was her mate. Her real, honest-to-goodness, forever-and-always mate.
“Oh, Tad.” This was more overwhelming than she’d ever imagined it could be. With his taste rioting through her body and the images from his mind encouraging her, it was all she could do to stop from stripping off their clothes and jumping his bones.
Not that it was a bad idea.
She trembled in his arms and Tad came close to losing control. He looked into her eyes, checking to see if she was afraid. Fuck. He must have done something, moved too fast, not shown how much she meant to him. Pain, deep and sharp, thrust into him and he sucked in a breath.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Tad tried to untangle their limbs, he tried, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. Leaving the heat of her touch would wrench his heart from his body.
“Nothing’s wrong, everything’s right.” She cupped his face in her hands again, the softness of her touch washing over him with equal parts of desire and peace. There was something so right about Missy, so far beyond mere sex that his mind grew foggy and it was hard to concentrate on her words. “Can you feel it? This isn’t just FirstMate, it’s more. You and I, we’re mates.”
Tad froze. It wasn’t possible. She’d had a mate, yet for some reason she was getting the message they belonged together forever. Oh bloody hell, it was the frickin’ werewolf hormones again. Somehow she was getting a false positive.
How could this happen? How could it happen without them having sex? She was going to think she was in love with him for the rest of her life and it would just be pheromones controlling her. He couldn’t do that, couldn’t treat someone he cared about in such a cold, heartless manner, especially Missy. Tad summoned strength he didn’t know he had from within and dragged himself away.
They both cried with low moans as he stumbled across the room to put distance between them. The physical pain that shot through his body was unexpected and nearly drove him to his knees. His eyes blurred for a moment and the room spun as he grew light-headed.
“I’m so sorry, I really am.” He would do anything to stop from hurting her. His limbs shook as he leaned on the doorframe. His body was on fire, even more than when he was touching her.
She was pale, confusion written all over her face, and he ached for her. The situation was beyond her control and entirely his fault. “I thought, I mean…” She hesitated before closing her tear-filled eyes and starting to shake. “Don’t you want me?”
A sound of agony ripped from his throat at the thought of denying his need for her. Bloody werewolf genes had messed up his life and now Missy’s. All he wanted was to hold her and make it all better, but it wasn’t possible. Everything he’d been told over the years meant she had to be mistaken and unless he stopped now she would suffer forever. He softened his voice and let his caring come through as he spoke. “Hell, it’s not you, it’s me. Don’t you see? I’m not triggered. We can’t be mates, it’s the pheromones blinding you. You just think I’m your mate. Oh, sweetheart, I wish it was true.” He wished it with everything he had.
“It is!” Missy cried. She was on her knees now, her sweater askew, hair tousled everywhere.
He’d never seen anything as beautiful. It was sheer torture to drop his gaze from her, his heart pounding fast, his ears ringing as blood roared through his head. He forced down his lust to try and reason with her. “I can’t be. You have a mate.” It never happened twice. A once-in-a-lifetime event and when they died, a piece of you died.
“I had a husband, Tad. Not a mate. We were married but it was a political thing forced upon me.” She rose and reached for him.
Tad held out a hand to stop her, his mind spinning. She’d never had a mate. She’d said they were mates. Could she be right? He sniffed hard. The only aroma that reached him was the faint scent of wood smoke. His sinus passages were plugged, his forehead felt hot. His body ached.
Did he want her? Hell yeah, but there didn’t seem to be the irresistible connection that he’d been warned occurred when true mates met. He wanted to bury himself in her and protect her, but he’d felt that way since they were kids back in high school. The connection, the pull, he felt equally strongly with his human side. How could this possibly be a true mating if he wasn’t sure? The trickle of doubt that remained tied his hands.
Tied his heart.
Then for one evil, wicked moment Tad was tempted to continue. To take her and make love to her so she’d be trapped forever. He loved her, damn it. She would love him. Did it matter that it would just be chemicals on her side? His human morals fought a battle of epic proportions against the desires of the wolf raging through him. The lust, the need to be triggered.
A cooling breeze flowed around him and in that brief second his heart broke. He’d nearly done the one thing he’d sworn he’d never do, take advantage of someone he cared about.
He couldn’t. She had to be set free. All his dreams fell to the ground and shattered. The need that had risen in his body overflowed to his mind and drawing back from her was the hardest thing he’d ever done. The room blurred again. It was impossible to think straight.
“If you were never mated that means there’s no chance we could ever safely share FirstMate. I can’t do that to you. I can’t risk making you suffer thinking you’re in love with me for the rest of your life.” His tongue tripped over the words, awkward, painful. He wanted her but he wanted the best for her more.
“But, Tad—”
“Missy, hush.” Tad dropped his voice, calmed his pounding heart. He had to explain he wasn’t rejecting her but saving her from a grave mistake. “Falling in love with someone for real and thinking you’re in love because your damn werewolf hormones are controlling you aren’t the same thing. Somewhere out there you have a real mate with whom you’ll connect intimately. If I take advantage of you, I’d be destroying the future you could have. The absolute joy. The complete belonging. I care too much for you to let you give up on all that. We have to stop, now.” Tad snatched up his coat and shoved his feet into his boots haphazardly, the room spinning as he moved. “Keep the fire going. I’ll be back later. Don’t leave the cabin. I’m going to try the radio again.”
“Tad, don’t leave me, I ache… It hurts. Don’t leave—”
He closed the door on the sound of her quivering voice and dropped his shoulder back to seal it shut. Sharp knives cut through his limbs, his throat was raw and his heart was a block of ice within his chest. He stumbled down the stairs and back toward the plane. There had to be a way to get out of here soon.
Before he died from the pain of a broken heart.