“Don’t. I know you’re scared, but don’t deliberately try to turn this into a fight to avoid talking to me. I’ve given you time and space. I just want what’s best for you and I don’t give a shit if you ever change into a wolf.”
He spun her around and clasped her chin, his dark eyes searching hers intently. “I refuse to stand by and let you face tomorrow unprepared. If I’m right, there will be dozens of wolves surrounding you. I won’t allow you to walk into that kind of a situation without me trying to take away a little of your fears. You’ve asked me to wait before joining with you and even though it’s been hell, I’ve waited. But don’t ask me to not be your mate, not protect you when I can. Because I won’t do it. My wolf won’t let me and neither will my human morals.”
She stared at him, her limbs trembling as she realized for the first time she was with someone stronger than her who she could really trust. The ache in her soul urged her on.
“You won’t tell Missy?”
He jerked back in surprise. “Doesn’t she know?”
She shook her head. “She knows parts, but…” Shame covered her. Her own sister had suffered because of Maggie’s weakness.
He spread out the blanket he’d brought, sat and pulled her into his lap. Resting her head against his chest, not looking into his eyes, made it easier to speak. She thought for a moment, then simply told her story.
“I don’t know why we moved away from Whitehorse. Mom and Dad died before I got a real answer out of them, but Missy and I always suspected it had something to do with our new Alpha in Whistler. He found out something he held over Dad’s head to make him move. Once we were in the pack at Whistler, there was no escape for any of us.”
She swallowed hard. “The summer I was seventeen, Missy turned twenty-one. Our Alpha wanted her to marry his brother. He was trying to gain control of her Omega skills, but we didn’t know it at the time. Missy only knew Jeff wasn’t her mate and she refused. So they…” She shivered and burrowed deeper into his arms as if his presence could protect her from the memories.
“They came after you?”
She nodded. “I ran. I hid as a human and when they found me, I shifted and ran again. There were six or seven of them and every time I shifted there was someone in that form to torment me. They hit me.” Her voice broke. “They hurt me.”
His body tightened under her, indignation and anger pouring off him and forming a protective wall around them. Nothing could touch her right now. He stroked her hair silently for a moment, his heart pounding under her ear.
“Did they rape you?” He spoke softly, gently.
“I don’t know!” She squirmed her way back to stare at him. “It sounds so stupid, but I really don’t remember. I can feel them grabbing me—my human body—and throwing me on the floor. I shifted, and then there were wolves on top of me, trying to mount me. I shifted back and they tore my skin.” She lifted her blouse and twisted to show him the scars along her lower back and her hips. “I shifted so many times in a short period of time I passed out, exhausted from the effort. The next thing I remember is being at home in bed, and Missy telling me she was engaged to Jeff. Dad had made promises to the Alpha and she was furious. I never said a word, but I know it was my fault she ended up in that marriage. Dad sold her off to save me.”
She thought she’d already wept all the tears possible over this. Thought the well had run dry and she had nothing left but a cold stone for a heart. But in Erik’s arms, his scent surrounding her, she found sorrows she’d never realized she still clung to. Great racking sobs shook her until she was gasping for air.
Erik rocked her, cradled her, his presence embracing her even closer than his arms. He poured love over her, acceptance. His anger simmering underneath didn’t frighten her. It reassured her she would never, ever have to face a situation like that again.
When she could speak there was a quiver in her voice. “I left right afterward and never went back. I worked summers and attended UBC and I never shifted into a wolf. Missy and I kept in touch via email and phone, especially after Mom and Dad died in a car accident, but I refused to physically go back to Whistler. Every now and then I’d see pack members hanging around outside my classes, like they were keeping track of me.” She shuddered. “Once, they tried to get into the apartment I shared with Pam, but I told her they were cousins I didn’t want to see, and somehow she got rid of them.”
“I knew I liked her for a reason.”
She snorted, and wiped at her teary eyes. “Yeah, well, she thinks you’re a little freaky. You know, she’s about the best friend I’ve ever had. Brave and loyal, and fearless and fun, all at the same time. So often I wanted to tell her about being a wolf but I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk her leaving me.”
Erik handed her a hanky and she wiped her face clean. She settled back into his arms, his comfort healing her pain. They sat together for a long time, Erik rubbing her back and whispering foreign phrases to her. She had no idea what he was saying, but the words soothed her, eased the ragged edges around her heart.
“I can see why being around wolves frightens you. Not only was your Alpha a rotten bastard, the whole pack was diseased.”
Maggie ran a hand up his forearm to caress his biceps. Touching him made her feel so much better. “I’m surprised you’re not offering to go rip out their throats.”
“Oh, I’m thinking about it. But your brother-in-law, Tad, already killed the Alpha who instigated the whole thing. What I plan in retaliation for the others’ sins you don’t have to know about.”
She sat up quickly. “You’re not going after them.”
“They hurt you, you’re my mate. There will be an accounting.”
“I didn’t tell you this so you’d go off half-cocked killing people.”
Erik raised a brow. “Killing them. Okay, I had other things in mind, but now you mention it—”
“Stop it. It happened a long time ago. It’s been seven years.”
“Yet you’re still hurting. Sounds like I have cause to give them pain.”
She opened her mouth to speak and then froze. Oh damn it. Damn, damn, damn.
He was right.
Maggie scrambled out of his lap and stared down at his dark eyes in horror. A light bulb went on in her head and she could clearly see herself in the room again, the wolves still attacking her. It was like she’d locked the door and never let them go.
She paced toward the nearby trees, grappling with the revelation. She’d suffered years of mental pain and confusion. Loneliness like only a pack animal separated from family could experience. Even the physical weakness caused by locking her wolf away—none of it had been necessary.
She turned to face him. Her gentle giant, staring back with love in his eyes, concern and anger warring in his heart. He’d seen clearly so many times in the past days exactly what she needed. Was it the mate connection that made him able to cut down the walls and help her break free?
Suddenly she knew part of what she needed.
Him.
Two steps forward returned her to where he sat. “This isn’t about them, it’s me.” He moved to speak and she held up her hand. “No, wait and listen. It’s true, I’m still in pain. I deliberately didn’t see any wolves for years. I didn’t visit with my sister in person, and I haven’t been able to shift to my wolf in forever. They stole a part of me away and I let them. Ah shit, I let them.”
“Maggie…no, don’t blame yourself. They were the ones who were wrong. You did nothing to deserve this.”
She shook her head. “Don’t you see? That’s what I’m saying, I felt like I did deserve it. It was my fault Missy was trapped, so I let my wolf become trapped as well in punishment. Oh hell, I’ve been so stupid.”
Erik closed his eyes and she felt the rush of his power flow over her. She gasped at the depth of it, the richness of the sensation soaking into her very pores. When he opened his eyes he held out his hand and she grabbed it like a lifeline. “Maggie, I don’t know what to say. My brilliant plan to show you my wolf and try to ease your fears seems trite and childish as a solution.