‘Maybe.’
‘You maybe lock the door?’
‘Maybe you want to be caught in the act. If you’re committing a criminal act.’
‘Would anyone want that?’
‘To be caught in the act? Oh yes.’ Liza leaned across the counter and put her chin in her hands. ‘I got into the habit of stealing small change from my father’s wallet. I felt so ashamed I started stealing larger and larger amounts so that he’d notice.’
‘And did he?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe he punished me by pretending he hadn’t found out. Let my own conscience torment me.’
‘Did that work?’
‘Apparently. I stopped doing it.’
Bob cleared his throat and nodded slowly. ‘It’s grounds for hope to know that at least we are potentially capable of stopping. Can you get me a whisky?’
‘No.’
‘No?’
‘No, you can have more coffee. What is it you’re hoping to stop doing?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Come on, Bob. Like you said, this is part of my job.’
‘What is?’
‘Listening. Pretending to understand. What is it you’re hoping you can stop doing?’
Bob smiled and looked down into his coffee. Drew a breath. ‘Alice. I give her hell. The divorce papers, the division of property, this new guy of hers — all of it. Even though I know it hurts me most, that my self-contempt just grows and grows when I make myself a worse man than I already am. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m doing is asking for pity. It’s as though I want her to see that the man I once was is going to pieces in front of her eyes. I’m a prick, and my own conscience torments me over it, but I just can’t seem to stop it the way you did. Just the opposite, in fact — I’ve turned into a fucking stalker.’
‘Have you asked yourself why you’re stalking her?’
‘Actually I don’t think it’s her I’m stalking, it’s more the places where I was once happy. Where I lived with her and Frankie. Where I picked her up from work. I’m stalking the memories. You know, like those people who have their pets stuffed, to recreate something that’s gone from their lives.’
‘Do people stuff their pet animals?’
‘Oh yes. Even a killer like Tomás Gomez wants his cat back. Incredible, isn’t it?’
Liza dealt with two customers who had come in and ordered beers.
Bob watched her. The friendly, professional manner; the quick, assured movements. An efficiency he was sure made her feel good, the pleasure of doing a job well. The pleasure. I’m stalking memories. Suddenly it lit up for him, as clear as the answer on the Radica 20Q display.
‘Where are you going?’ asked Liza.
Bob was on his feet and buttoning his coat. ‘I think I know how I can find him.’
33
Porn, October 2016
I had my face turned to the sky and my eyes closed against the bright morning sun. It was still warm, but at sunrise there had been a thin layer of ice on the puddles. I inhaled the air, felt my lungs expand, felt that my body was ready. Felt the slight pressure of the hypodermic with its long point in my breast pocket. I opened my eyes again.
US Bank Stadium.
It looked like a ship. No, a submarine. Or a black iceberg. I was standing on Medtronic Plaza, beside the big Viking ship, and looking up at the black zinc facade. Behind it 60,000 seats waited to be filled. The stadium had a glass roof which kept the NFL fans from freezing. There had been mixed reactions to it, both while they were building it and afterward, once it had opened in the summer. Some hated it and said they should never have pulled down the old Metrodome stadium, but it was always like that with places people had good memories of. I had slept well in the woods that night, with my memories. I needed it, needed it to keep me steady.
I saw the WCCO-TV and the KSTP buses, the cables being unfurled and getting ready for live coverage of Mayor Patterson’s opening of the NRA convention tomorrow. I had made a circuit of the stadium and the security looked unimpeachable. It was impossible to get into the stadium without proper accreditation, and there were security cameras above every entrance. Especially here in Medtronic Plaza, which was where most of the audience would be queuing the following day.
I closed my eyes again.
Saw the mayor standing there, all eyes on him, all cameras focused on him. The way his facial expression kind of freezes when he gets hit. The chaos. The anarchy. Running footsteps. Sirens. That whole apparatus we trust in, that we believe can protect us, and save us, and the lives of those we love, is set in motion. But mixed in with the certainty that no matter what any of us do now, it’s already too late. My despair had finally become theirs too.
Kay Myers sat in Walker’s office looking at the superintendent’s back as he stood in front of the blind.
‘How d’you like this city?’ he asked.
Kay thought about it. It hadn’t seemed all that different from the place she’d come from. Pretty similar climate, the lakes, same mix of people, same flat landscape. It had taken her a while to notice all the small differences in the social codes, like Minnesota nice, a friendly, polite surface obscuring a conflict-averse and passive-aggressive undercurrent. But even though they were a little more closed and a little less direct than where she came from, the people she met were, in general, decent and righteous people. Of course, that didn’t include those she encountered in most of the murder cases that came her way — but then she suspected that was true of any city.
‘Basically I like it just fine,’ she said.
‘Good,’ said Walker without turning round. ‘It may not be as attractive as Chicago, but I see this city as being oriented toward the future. It’s a city where people are willing to think new thoughts. A city where someone like you can enjoy a good life and a rewarding career.’
Kay moved uncomfortably in her chair. It wasn’t that she had expected the turn the meeting appeared to be taking, but at the same time it wasn’t completely unexpected. She’d picked up on the signals, as people say.
‘I’ve learned that I’m being considered for the post of leader of the Investigative Division,’ said Walker. He parted two strips of the blind with his fingers. ‘That means that someone will have to take over this office. The post will be advertised, and others will have the responsibility of deciding who gets the job. But if I offer an internal recommendation then that will obviously count for something. Count for quite a lot, I guess we could say.’
Seeing no reason to respond Kay remained silent.
‘Now of course there’s a certain risk attached when a departing head offers a recommendation,’ said Walker. ‘If in due course it turns out that there’s something shall we say untoward about the person recommended, then obviously that will reflect badly on the one who offered the recommendation. Right now, for example, I’ve got the chief of police on my neck following these problems with Detective Oz. What I need to know, Myers, is that you won’t be giving us any surprises.’
‘I understand,’ said Kay.
Walker turned to her. ‘You understand?’
‘Yes.’
Walker smiled broadly. ‘You’ve come far, Myers. Not bad for a girl from Englewood. But you’re not finished yet. You can be an example for other girls from places like Englewood. The way ahead lies open for you. The only thing that can get in the way is if you mess up and fall.’
Kay nodded.
‘I won’t keep you any longer, Myers. You look like someone who wants to get back out there on the job.’