She shivered involuntarily. He leaned forward as if he planned to come and join her, and she held up a hand. “Don’t. Just…don’t push it too fast, okay? I think I might be past the point I’m going to fall into a dead faint, but you need to give me some time.”
He sat back and folded his hands in his lap, the hopeful expression he wore making her snort. She rose and paced to the door.
“You’re not leaving, are you?” He sounded panicked and she took pity on him. She’d never figure this out if she ran.
“No, but I need to move. Tell me more.”
“Okay, except…there isn’t much more to tell. I can change into a wolf. Always have been able to, since I was about twelve. Umm, there’s a whole bunch of us, and we—”
Oh my God. “Maggie. Does she know about this?”
TJ hesitated. “Pam, I’m going to be completely honest with you but you have to promise not to freak out.”
A laugh escaped—a little thin and quivery around the edges. “I don’t think I can promise that, but I’ll try.”
“Maggie knows. She’s always known because she’s also a wolf. She married a wolf. My brother is a wolf. His wife is a wolf. Heck, ninety percent of Haines have the wolf gene, either full blood or half. Together we belong to the Granite Lake pack, and we’ve got a kind of government and hierarchy and, well, it’s complicated at times, but usually it’s pretty cool.”
Pam stopped her pacing and leaned on the wall for a minute to calm herself. Everything she’d ever known as reality was slipping away and somehow she had to make sense of it.
Her best friend was able to change into a wolf and never told her? The huge gorgeous men she’d seen at the wedding were all wolf shifters? Unbelievable, and yet it had to be true. Pain swelled inside, not so much fear, but a lack of certainty. Sadness at what she thought was truth being ripped away.
She turned to TJ. Concern was written all over him, in the tightness of his shoulders, the expression on his face. He shook his head slowly.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you like this. Please, please don’t be scared. I’ll do anything in my power to make it better. Anything. Ask as many questions as you want, I swear I’ll tell you everything. The only thing I won’t do is let anyone harm my family.” He stood slowly and held out his arms.
Insane. From one moment to the next she was doing everything wrong. He kidnapped her, and she laughed and had sex with him. Now he revealed he was a wild beast at times, and she was powerless to stop herself from stepping into his arms and accepting his embrace.
She clutched him hard, wrapping her arms around his torso and resting her head on his chest. He rubbed her back in slow, even circles. Under her ear his heart thumped, the consistent pulse reassuring and steady. He didn’t say anything—just let her soak in his warmth, the comfort of his presence.
In the midst of her rocking world, he gave her balance.
She drew a deep breath, unsteady and ragged, and he swore. “You’re killing me. It’s going to be okay. Please, trust me. Nothing bad will happen to you. I’ll make sure everything works out.” He lifted her chin and stared at her with compassion, his pupils huge.
She tried to smile. “It’s getting easier to accept, but I am so going to kick Maggie’s butt the next time I see her.”
He leaned toward her, his intentions clear, and she held her breath. Did she want to kiss him?
“Pam?”
More than wanted to, needed to. She lifted her mouth and he kissed her carefully. With a gentle stroke he brushed away the tears that had filled her eyes as her world was thrown into chaos. He traced a finger down her cheek. “Maggie has a story to tell you, but it’s hers to share, not mine. I will tell you she’s always said you were her best friend in the whole world and she loves you a ton. She never kept secrets to hurt you.”
She nodded. “Any other bombs you need to drop on me? Like is drinking the Yukon water going to make me able to shift or anything?”
Pain flashed across his face.
“No, afraid it doesn’t work that way.” He kissed her forehead. “Unfortunately there is one more thing I need to tell you, and it’s probably going to be another doozy of a revelation. You want it before or after supper?”
He released her and she went to the sink to splash her face with water. More mysteries? Her heart couldn’t take much more.
“Is it really important?”
He nodded. “You should sit down.”
Oh shit. “That bad, eh?”
“I’ll promise to turn into my wolf afterward and you can twist my ear again if it makes you feel better.”
She chuckled. “Goof.”
He sighed mightily. “Hold on to your sense of humour, you might need it.”
She sat and he sank to the floor at her feet. His expression was serious and concerned, so different than what she’d seen in him over the past days.
“Hey, where’s that lighthearted guy who makes me smile gone? You can turn into a wolf. It’s not the end of the world, not unless you give me fleas. I hate having to deal with flea infestations.”
He took her hands in his and brought them to his lips, kissing her knuckles tenderly.
“No fleas…but something a little more permanent. I mentioned we’ve got a kind of government? My big brother, Keil, is the head of the Granite Lake pack.”
“Really? That’s kinda cool. Why is that an issue?”
“Well, it’s not, but he’s the Alpha since he’s the strongest wolf around. There’re these unspoken rules that happen in a pack, based on our wolves. Keil and his wife, Robyn, you remember her? They’re the top of the heap. Well, one of the other things our wolves decide is…”
He shook his head slowly and brought her hand to his ear. “Here. You may as well grab on now.”
How could she stay angry around him? She laughed and leaned forward to give him a kiss, smoothing her fingers through his hair. The sensation distracted her. “That’s what your hair reminded me of.”
“What?”
She stroked again, reveling in the softness. So soothing to the touch. Something about caressing, being close to TJ made her happy inside, lighting all the dark corners. “Your fur. The night you slept with me in your wolf form I fell asleep stroking you. That’s what your hair feels like. So soft.”
He shivered. “God, you keep touching me like that and I’m never going to get this out.”
She stilled her hands. “Just tell me. It’s not like you’re going to shock the daylights out of me.”
“We’re mates.”
She paused. “Sure. We’re best buds. Whatever you say. Now tell me the rest of the news because getting freaked out seems to have made me hungry.”
He shook his head wildly. “No, you don’t understand. Mates, as in the way a wolf takes a mate. You know dogs, you must know a little bit about wolves. We have a lot of the characteristics of wolves, and just like there’s an alpha and an omega wolf, our wolves pick our mate and they pick them for life. You, me. My wolf picked you.”
TJ stared into the fire. It was far too early to be getting up and way too late to still be awake. After his little life-changing revelation, Pam had snatched together the fixings for a sandwich then retreated to the bedroom to “get some space to think”. He’d settled in to wait and see what the verdict would be.
He’d screwed everything up. Everything.
Crap, why had he imagined, even for a moment, that hauling Pam into the bush against her will would make anything easier? Time alone, right. He poked the logs and watched the sparks fly upward in protest. That’s what he had now, time completely alone. Just him and the couch, which was lumpy and uncomfortable, and he’d sleep on it for the next week without a single complaint if Pam would give them a chance.
He’d sleep on it forever if she asked him to.
The floorboards creaked in the bedroom and he stood in a rush, staring at the door in the hopes she’d come out. The freaky part was he sensed where she was—and what she was feeling—just a little. His brother had explained once how the connection between him and his mate Robyn worked. While this wasn’t as strong as Keil had described, it was vivid enough to give TJ a teeny tiny fraction of hope to cling to.