I got my second surprise-not nearly as welcome-when we got back a couple of hours later. A leggy, cheerful woman was waiting for Harriet. "Hi, honey," she said, followed by a kiss and a hug. Then she smiled widely at me. "I'm Beth. You must be Kylie. Harriet's told me all about you."
Major disappointment. It seemed I could cross Harriet Porter off my wish list.
My mind was taken off this setback by the arrival of Dr. Deer's security chief to discuss my undercover role.
We met in Ariana's office. "Fred Mills," he said, extending one pudgy hand. He had one of those clammy, spongy handshakes that always make me want to wipe my fingers afterward.
Ariana, I noticed, avoided shaking hands at all by retreating behind her desk.
"I've been liaising with Fred over the missing disks," she said to me, "so he's fully in the loop."
Frankly, looking at the piggy eyes and loose mouth of the security chief, I had my doubts this was a good thing. Fred Mills was middle-aged and not wearing it well. He had a gut that threatened to pop the buttons off his shirt and a thick neck bulging over his collar. And I'd describe his expression as a smirk shading into an outright leer.
Hands on hips, he stood back to look me up and down. "Well, well, and this is the undercover babe, eh?"
I glanced over at Ariana. She disguised it well, but I caught a look of distaste before her face became professionally blank again.
"Jeez, Fred," I said, "haven't been called a babe since I was in nappies."
"Nappies?"
"Diapers," Ariana translated.
"Heh, heh." Fred apparently thought I'd made a joke of some sort. When no one joined in, he stuck out his lower lip, and said in a truculent tone, "No need to get on your high horse. I was just being friendly."
"That's bonzer, Fred. Thank you so much. And how are you?"
He blinked at my cheery tone. "Me? I'm all right."
"Good-oh," I said. "So let's get down to business. Who do you think took the disks?"
Fred narrowed his piggy eyes until they almost disappeared in folds of flesh. "I believe that's Kendall & Creeling's worry, not mine. I'm concerned with the security of Dr. Deer's professional building in Beverly Hills and, of course, his home."
"Aren't patient records part of what you're supposed to secure?"
His jowls jiggled as he shook his head. "No, no. That's medical. I don't touch medical."
Ariana said, "The in-depth background checks on Deerdoc staff we've been doing are turning up some anomalies. It's apparent that some people would not have been offered jobs if the information had been available."
We got the jowl ripple again as he shook his head some more. "Not my responsibility. That's human resources."
"What is your responsibility, Fred?" I asked with genuine curiosity.
He shot me a look that said Bitch! but his words were mild. "I'm in charge of all measures to keep Dr. Deer and his wife safe and free from harassment. That includes maintaining the integrity of the two buildings, and in the case of his home the surrounding grounds as well."
He seemed pleased with his answer, which had the sound of something rehearsed.
I should have resisted asking, but I didn't. "Isn't the theft of the files breaking the integrity of the building, even if the files themselves aren't your responsibility?"
Fred gave an irritated grunt. "Look, little lady, I'm a professional. Ariana here's a professional too. If you don't mind me saying so, you're an amateur. A rank amateur. I don't want to be unkind, but to be brutal, you don't know what you're talking about. And if it was up to me, you wouldn't be in the picture at all."
Ariana dispatched a warning glance in my direction, which I took to mean she wanted me to stop chiaking this bloke. So I did, listening with hardly a comment while he rabbited on about how I had to report to him if I noticed anything unusual or noteworthy.
When he stood to go, his good humor had been restored. With a superior smile, he said, "Could be you'll get out of your depth. Could be you actually find something useful. Whatever, just holler, little lady, and I'll be there. Just holler."
Ariana saw him out and came back amused. "Reassured?" she said with a sardonic lift of an eyebrow.
"Heaps. This little lady just has to holler. Simple, really."
EIGHT
Ariana couldn't be seen giving me a lift to the Deers' function, and I wasn't game to drive the Mustang at night, so Fred Mills was to pick me up. He arrived in a shiny, bulky black vehicle that looked as though a truck and an SUV had mated. The cabin had four doors, and then there was a short truck bed tacked on behind it. Neither fish nor fowl, my mum would say.
With some difficulty I clambered into the front passenger seat. Thanks to the tightness of the lime-green dress Harriet had persuaded me to buy, I exposed more leg for Fred's inspection than intended. I swear I heard him smack his lips, and I had to fight not to deliver a smack of my own. The bloke was a major lech, and sooner or later I reckoned I'd have it out with him.
Thinking I might as well use the time with Fred to learn something useful, on the way I asked him questions about Deerdoc. He was delighted to be the expert, telling me more than he should about Dave Deer and his famous patients. Fred Mills had a loose mouth in more ways than one.
When we got to our destination the gates were open, manned by two burly guards with clipboards who checked us out then waved us through. Ignoring the fact that cars were queuing up behind us, Fred braked when he drew level with them. I figure he wanted to show off a bit. "Everything in order, men?"
"Yeah."
Fred's face darkened. "You mean, 'Yes, Mr. Mills.'"
"Yes, Mr. Mills." The guard's tone was insolent, but Fred didn't seem to notice.
We followed a stream of cars toward the house. "If you want to learn the inside story about security," Fred said, "you'll want to stick with me." His right hand hovered, as if he were going to pat my thigh. Lucky for him, he chickened out at the last moment.
Yerks! Fred's company on the drive over had been enough. Even if I had to hitch, I was getting back to Kendall & Creeling some other way.
The driveway near the house was lined with parked vehicles, lots of them bulky SUVs. When we got near the front door, there was a mini traffic jam. A couple of young men in black outfits were dashing around opening doors of arriving cars to let the passengers out, then leaping into the vehicles to drive them out of the way. Past the entrance was a bunch of big, black limousines lined up like beached whales. Drivers leaned against them, talking.
The house was lit up, just like last night, but this time there was noise. A buzz of conversation and music rose above the building like an invisible cloud. People were wandering everywhere. "Security must be a nightmare," I said to Fred, "seeing there's so many guests."
He took this as a criticism. "I've got a handle on it. Don't you worry, missy!"
It was a relief when we got to the head of the line and my door was opened. "See you later," I said to Fred, thinking no time was too soon.
"Now, wait a minute-"
I left him struggling to get his ungainly body out from behind the steering wheel.
The entrance was crowded with people all talking at the top of their voices. Just inside, the Deers were doing the greeting routine, smiles flashing on and off like dental semaphore. They seemed to have it down to a fine art, exclaiming with delight, warmly shaking hands, hugging, air-kissing, and generally giving incoming guests the big welcome.
When it was my turn, Elise, looking terrific in red, cried, "Kylie, at last!" before her attention was taken by the next guest.
Dave Deer took the opportunity to embrace me rather too closely. I smelled expensive aftershave and the Scotch he'd recently consumed. From working in a pub, I knew my liquor. If he kept breathing on me like this, I'd be able to identify the brand.