Typical man naturally assuming that after he slept with a woman she’d want more. What do I care if he thinks he’s not husband or father material? It’s not like I want that for myself again anyway. He was so freaked out about the possibility that I might have gotten pregnant after last night that he completely belittled what we shared. It meant something to me, dammit. I went into his room just wanting a release, just wanting to forget and I walked out of that room the next morning wishing I was a different person, wishing I had more to give because I thought he deserved it. It would be best for me to just forget it ever happened. My only concern right now is my daughter and doing whatever I can to give her a good life.
I drift off to sleep thinking about the choices I’ve made, knowing they were the best I could have done at the time.
I raced around the room, stuffing as many things as I could into the navy blue duffle bag I found in the back of our closet. Having one arm in a cast and two broken ribs made hurrying next to impossible, but I had to do it. This was my only chance. When I left the hospital earlier, the doctor gave me strict orders that I was to stay in bed for the next week and heal the damage caused by my ‘car accident’.
After William left me crumpled up on the floor three days ago to play poker with his friends, I knew he wouldn’t be taking me to the hospital to fix me up himself. With a call to Ellie to have her come over and watch Emma, I drove myself to a hospital in the next county – one in a bad neighborhood with a reputation for never asking questions, and one I hoped William would never find me in.
Unfortunately, when William came home from playing Poker and found Ellie at the house, he threatened to make her life a living hell if Ellie didn’t tell him where I was. She had no choice but to give him the name of the hospital; at that point, she feared him as much as I did. When I came to the next morning to find him leaning over my bed with a sick smile on his face, I knew my time was running out. If I didn’t get away from him immediately, he would make sure I was taken away from Emma permanently.
When the doctor told me I was lucky they were able to repair the damage to my arm and that it was touch-and-go if I’d ever be able to use it properly again, I knew I was done. I knew I would never be able to continue living like that. The day I came home from the hospital, I found a note from William that he had been called into an emergency surgery that would take most of the night. I didn’t have time to think or hesitate – it was now or never.
After I finished packing my bag, I crept into Emma’s room and added some of her clothes, a few Barbies and one stuffed animal. I tried not to let myself break down at the thought of taking my little girl away from everything she knew and loved.
“Baby, wake up,” I told her gently, running my hand down her head.
She grumbled in her sleep and slowly blinked her eyes open. “Hi, mommy.”
I smiled, pulling the covers off of her and helped her sit up. “I’m sorry baby, we need to go somewhere. I promise you can go back to sleep in just a little bit.”
She yawned and got out of bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Are we going on a trip?”
I tried not to wince in pain as I got down on my knees to help her out of her pajamas and into a pair of leggings and a shirt. “Yep, we’re going on a trip and we have to hurry so we can make it there in time.”
It broke my heart to lie to her, but there was no way I could tell her that we needed to hurry and get the hell out of here before her father got home from his emergency surgery.
“It’s okay, mommy. I can dress myself since you’ve got a boo-boo from the car,” she told me, taking the outfit from my hand and getting undressed.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat thinking about all the half-truths I’d told her over the years. For the most part, they went along with every single doctor’s note William filled out: I fell, I tripped, I cut myself chopping vegetables, I was in a car accident… She always believed me without question and would hover close by, helping me with whatever I needed until I healed.
I will make it up to her if it’s the last thing I do. I will never lie to her ever again.
When she finished dressing, I handed her her coat, put the bag over the shoulder of my good arm and took her hand.
“Is daddy coming with us?” she asked, as we made our way down the stairs and towards the door.
I stopped in the foyer and bent back down so I was eye-level with her, wrapping my arm around her small body. “No, baby. Daddy isn’t coming with us; he’s got a lot of work to do. It’s just going to be you and me.”
She thought about this for a moment and then smiled at me, placing her hand against my cheek. “That’s okay. I like it when it’s just you and me.”
My eyes watered and I wondered how I ever got so lucky to have this amazing little person in my life. “I love you, baby girl.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a tight hug. “I love you too, mommy. Let’s go on our trip. Can we go to the ocean and see dolphins? Or to a princess castle?”
I stood back up and grabbed her hand, taking one last look around before I opened the door. “Well, we’re going to visit your Uncle Brady in a place called Nashville. I don’t think they have dolphins, but they have horses and cowgirls.”
As we walked out into the night, Emma chatted away about wanting to have a white horse just like a real princess. I only hoped that some day I would be able to make this up to her and give her everything her heart desired.
Chapter 21
Austin
It’s been two days since Gwen and I fought in the kitchen – two long days of her giving me the cold shoulder and only speaking to me when Emma is around. I shouldn’t have been such an asshole, but she needed to know where I stood on things. She needed to understand that whatever was going on between us couldn’t be permanent. The way she glares at me whenever we’re in the same room leads me to believe she got the message loud and clear. I wish I could be that person for her. More than anything I wish things were different, but they’re not. I don’t have happy childhood memories to pass on to a kid and there can never be family vacations or promises of togetherness over the holidays because I never know when I’m going to be out of the country.
I just have to keep reminding myself what I told Gwen yesterday – I am not that person.
Walking out into the living room, I see Gwen pull her keys out of her purse and head towards the door.
“Where the hell are you going?” I demand.
She stops and turns around. “Work. I have the meeting with Mrs. Anderson to show her the pictures of her husband at the motel.”
When she turns around and opens the door, I race up behind her, smacking my hand against the wood and slamming it closed.
“You’re not going anywhere.”
She whirls around with anger in her eyes, but pauses when she sees how close we are. My hand is still up on the door and I’m caging her in. I can feel her breath on my face and I want to haul her body up against me and kiss away every shitty thing that’s happened between us.
She shakes her head as if clearing her thoughts and stares me down. “You can’t keep me here. I have a business to run and I’ve already put off some of these clients long enough. In case you’re forgetting, I have a gun and I know how to use it.”