After Gwen’s second surgery, I sat in my usual spot in an uncomfortable chair pulled up right next to her bed. With my elbows resting on the edge, I gently held the hand of her injured arm in both of mine, tracing the lines of her palm and talking to her softly. She had yet to wake up or give us any indication that she heard us ever since that hint of a smile in the ambulance. The doctors assured us that it was just her mind’s way of healing after such a trauma, but I still didn’t like it. I wanted to see her eyes, I needed to hear her voice… I just needed HER.
Five minutes before I needed to head home to relieve Brady from Emma duty, I pressed my lips to Gwen’s cheek and whispered in her ear how much I loved her. When I pulled back, she was looking right at me.
“Oh my God it’s so good to see those beautiful eyes again,” I told her softly as tears pooled in my eyes.
I placed kisses all over her face, excited laughter bubbling out of me mixed with tears now that she was finally awake. I ran my hand over the top of her head, down her cheek and over her shoulder. I just couldn’t stop touching her.
She didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at me while I fussed over her. A few minutes later, she finally moved her uninjured hand up to her face and yanked the oxygen mask away. When she tried to speak, it came out raspy and garbled. I quickly moved to the other side of her bed and grabbed a cup of water with a straw that the nurse had placed on her bedside table earlier and held it to her lips.
After a few slow sips and a couple of coughs, she finally spoke. “Where’s Emma?”
I placed the cup back on the table and smiled down at her. “She’s at home with Brady. We’ve been taking turns being with her and being here with you. She’s going to be so happy that you’re awake.”
I reached for her good hand, but she quickly pulled it away. I tried not to let it bother me, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say it hurt a little. I just wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her what an idiot I was.
“I think you should go now,” she whispered.
I glanced at the clock on the wall and nodded. “Yeah, I need to get back to Brady’s place so he can have his turn up here with you.”
She shook her head, refusing to look at me. “No, I mean, you need to go. I don’t want you here and I don’t want you around Emma.”
My heart skipped a beat and I was afraid that I might start bawling like a baby if I didn’t try to remain calm. She just woke up. She’s confused and she’s been through a lot. That was all this was.
Before I can speak and reassure her that I wasn’t going anywhere ever again, she continued. “You made your choice to leave and now I’m making mine. I don’t want you anymore, I don’t need you anymore, and my daughter sure as hell doesn’t need someone like you in her life that thinks he can just walk away whenever he wants. Get. Out.”
As her voice grew stronger and louder with each word, it garnered the attention of one of the nurses that was walking by. She immediately came into the room and asked Gwen if there was a problem.
Not wanting to make a scene, I walked out of the room wondering how in the hell I would ever be able to change her mind.
Even though she flat out told me not to come back, there was no fucking way I could listen to her. No matter how hard Brady and I tried to convince her that she wasn’t alone and that she should lean on us, she didn’t want to hear it, especially from me. In her mind, she had failed her daughter and it broke her heart.
And it broke mine to see her like that. Everything about my life had changed the moment her and her attitude walked in the door and the first time Emma demanded that I give her money for her swear jar. It wasn’t just about me anymore and about my future. The only thing I cared about was making sure these two women, who meant more to me than anything else in the world, were happy.
After Gwen got out of the hospital, I went to Brady’s place every single day. And every single day, Gwen would lock herself in her bedroom and refuse to talk to me. I knew it would be hard to convince her that I wanted to be in hers and Emma’s life and that I had made a horrible mistake by walking out on them, but as I’ve said before, I’m a Navy SEAL and we don’t give up very easily.
Brady decided not to kick my ass for sleeping with his sister and instead gave me a few pointers. I knew showing up with flowers would never be a good fucking idea so instead, I just showed up.
Every day for a month.
I turned down the mission to Kuwait and took that month off to show Gwen that she couldn’t get rid of me that easily. Since she wouldn’t speak to me, I spent the time with Emma making sure she was healing okay from the day in the wine cellar, letting her teach me how to be a father and tucking her in every night. Eventually, Emma wouldn’t let Gwen hide out in her room and forced her to interact with me. To say I was scared to death to finally talk to her is an understatement. I had so many things I wanted to say to her and I didn’t want them to come out wrong. But most of all, I needed to know if she could handle a life with me. And if that’s what she even wanted anymore.
As I hold Gwen in my arms and stare around my rental house at the Christmas decorations and other womanly touches that Gwen and Emma have scattered everywhere, I smile thinking about the day she finally gave in.
Brady left a little while ago to finish up some paperwork at the office. I knew he did it to give Gwen and I some time alone together now that she’s started to warm up to me a little more and I don’t know whether to thank him or kick his ass. By the way Gwen is glaring at me over by the door, I’m guessing she’d have no problem doing the ass kicking.
“Thanks for tucking Emma in, you can go now,” she said, pulling open the door and waiting for me to leave.
I took a deep breath and walked up to her, stopping when we were to-to-toe. “I love you.”
Gwen scoffed and opened the door wider. “Like I said, you can go now.”
Reaching around her, I grabbed onto the door and shoved it closed. “And like I said, I love you.”
She rolled her eyes and started to walk away from me, but I quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her against me. “You can’t keep ignoring me.”
She tried to struggle out of my arms, but I held tight, missing the feel of her against me so much it hurt.
“Oh believe me, I can definitely keep ignoring you. You can stop with the act any time. I know you have somewhere you’d rather be and as you can see, Emma and I are fine now. You don’t need to stick around anymore.”
She put up a brave front, but I could tell saying those words hurt her and it meant that she still had feelings for me. It gave me the courage I needed to lay it all out on the table.
“Fine, you can ignore me. I don’t need you to talk anyway, just listen,” I started. She huffed and crossed her arms between us since I refused to let go of her.