But at least there had been no sensation of grating bone. I hoped that meant nothing was broken. Swallowing back the bile that had risen in my throat, I felt my shoulder awkwardly with my other hand. Even through my coat I could tell that there was something wrong with the way the joint fitted together. There was a bulge where there shouldn’t have been, and as my fingers traced its outline I felt a queasy wave of nausea.
I’d dislocated my shoulder. Badly.
I told myself not to panic. Deep breaths. Take it one step at a time. Before I could use my arm again I knew the joint would have to be shot back into place. I reached round with my other hand as far as I could, probing with my fingers to feel where the ball of the humerus had popped out of its socket. I paused, gritting my teeth, and then pushed.
The pain made me almost black out. I yelled as starbursts wheeled across my vision. When they faded I was lying on my back once more, sweat and rain mingling on my face. I wanted to throw up. The spasm subsided but left me weak and shaking.
I didn’t bother feeling the shoulder again. I knew it was still out of joint. It was throbbing relentlessly, a bone-deep ache that radiated from the base of my skull right down my arm. I sat up again, weakly. My head spun as I slowly got to my feet. There was no question of walking to the village now. I would have to try to find the car and sit it out, hoping that Fraser or Duncan would come looking for me sooner rather than later.
Climbing back up the slippery bank was hard work. I couldn’t see a thing, and could only use one hand to help drag myself up the slope. I had to keep resting, and my shoulder was hurting more than ever now. I wondered if I’d torn any ligaments, but put the thought out of my mind. I couldn’t do anything about it if I had.
By the time the slope began to level out I was sweating and exhausted. I hauled myself up the last few feet and then straightened on legs that felt like water. Relief at having made it back to the top swamped out anything else. But then I realized something was wrong.
The road wasn’t there.
My relief vanished. I took a few more cautious steps, each time hoping to feel tarmac under my boots. But there was only turf and boggy, uneven ground. I’d obviously been more disorientated by my fall than I’d thought. Instead of climbing back up to the road, I’d clawed my way up another hummock of grass.
I forced myself to stay calm. There was only one thing to do. The road had to be opposite me. All I had to do was retrace my steps and then go up the other side.
I made my way down the muddy slope, slithering the last few feet on my backside. I groped around, trying to locate the slope I’d fallen down. I couldn’t find it. Come on, it has to be here. But the terrain at the bottom didn’t conform to such neat logic. In the dark it was a maze of humps and gullies. Wandering blind as I was, there was no way of knowing where any of them led.
I knew I couldn’t be far from the road, but I had no way of telling which way it was. I looked up, hoping for some glimpse of stars. But land and sky merged into one single, impenetrable darkness. The wind and rain gusted first one way then another, as though trying to confuse me further.
I’d started shivering, from shock as well as cold. Even in my weatherproof outer clothes I knew I could sink into hypothermia if I didn’t find shelter. Come on, think! Which way? I made my decision and started walking. Even if it was the wrong direction, the exertion would help keep me warm. Staying still now would kill me.
It was hard going. The ground was a treacherous mix of heather and grass, threatening to turn or break an ankle at every step. I stopped dead as something rustled nearby, straining to hear against the gusting of the wind and the rain on my hood. I couldn’t see anything except darkness. My heart was racing. It’s nothing. Just a sheep.
But even as I tried to convince myself, I was recalling the scuff I’d heard behind me on the road. I knew I was being irrational, that even if there was someone else out here, they wouldn’t be able to see me any more than I could see them. It didn’t help. I was lost and injured, and the dark released all the primitive fears that daylight and the modern world have allowed us to bury.
They weren’t buried now.
I carried on walking. The turf underfoot became wetter and more broken as I blundered into a peat bog. My teeth were chattering as I splashed noisily across. Either it had grown colder or my core temperature was dropping despite my efforts. Both, probably.
My shoulder was on fire, lancing me with white heat at every step. I’d lost track of time but I was tiring quickly, becoming careless with fatigue. Another noise came from off to one side, the sound of something moving through the grass. I spun towards it and went crashing down. Agony flared through my injured shoulder as it bore the full brunt of my weight.
I must have passed out. When I came round I was lying face down, the rain pattering hypnotically on my hood. I could taste the loamy stink of peat in my mouth. Still only semi-conscious, I found myself thinking about all the countless dead animals, insects and vegetation it was made from: millennia of rot compressed into a petrochemical sludge. I spat it out and tried to push myself up, but the effort was too much. Water had seeped inside my coat, chilling me to the bone. I was shuddering from the cold, my strength gone. I collapsed back into the mud. Of all the bloody stupid ways to die. It was so absurd it was almost funny. I’m sorry, Jenny. She’d been mad enough just because I came out here. She was going to be furious when she found out I’d let it kill me.
But the attempt at gallows humour failed miserably. Lying there, I felt anger as well as sadness. So that’s it, is it? I goaded myself. You’re just going to give up?
It was then, when it could have gone either way, that I saw the light.
At first I thought I was imagining it. It was only a spark of yellow, dancing in the blackness ahead of me. But when I moved my head the light remained in the same place. I shut my eyes, opened them. The light was still there. I felt a surge of hope as I remembered Strachan’s house. That was closer than the village. Perhaps I’d wandered in the right direction after all.
Part of me knew even then that the light was too high to be coming from the house, but I didn’t care. It was something to aim for. Without even thinking about it, I crawled to my feet and began to stagger towards it.
The light hung above me, but how far away I couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter. The yellow glow was the only thing in the universe, drawing me towards it like a moth. It steadily grew larger. Now I could see that it wasn’t constant, but flickered to some unheard rhythm. I was barely aware of the ground starting to rise towards it. It climbed still more, became steeper. I was using my one good arm to help pull me uphill, sometimes sinking to a crawl on my knees before stumbling upright again. But the light was closer. I fixed on it, shutting out everything else.
Then it was right in front of me. Not a car, not a house. Just a small, untended fire in front of a ruined stone hut. As disappointment started to filter through my daze, I began to take in what the firelight revealed. All around me were untidy mounds of rocks, and the sight of them stirred some dim connection. They weren’t natural formations, I realized.
They were burial cairns.
I could remember both Brody and Strachan mentioning them. And, remembering that, I knew I was even more lost than I’d thought.
I’d wandered all the way out to the mountain.
I swayed on my feet, the last of my reserves gone. As my vision swam, I became aware of movement in the mouth of the ruined hut. I stared, too numb and exhausted to move, as a hooded figure slowly emerged from inside. It stepped into the firelight, eyes reflecting the flames as they stared at me from beneath its hood.