“That’s bullshit! I ain’t believin’ none of this. You’re just fuckin’ lyin’!”
“Am I? Look at your life, Snap. You are a walking stereotype. You’re what White America fears the most. You define the word nigger. Your lifestyle validates it. You live in a ghetto murdering people for drug money. Murdering your own people! You travel to middle class White neighborhoods and kick the shit out of innocent kids just for being White, and you even date a White woman that you treat like shit because she’s White. You’re a fucking racist who blames White people for every fuck up you’ve made in your life, taking no responsibility for your own actions. All your ideas and opinions about your own people and mine are racist as fuck. You are every redneck’s worse nightmare. You are what the Grand Dragon of The Ku Klux Klan describes to his congregation when he preaches hate. Your example makes it easy for White supremist groups to recruit new members. You have performed your role perfectly. But now it’s time for you to die so the cycle can continue.”
I loosened my grip on the Sig Sauer and let it slip from my hand.
“So why even tell me all of this? Why not just shoot me?”
“Because I need that Baby! You tell me where that little mutherfucker is and I might even let you live… for a little while anyway.”
“But why? What’s the deal wit’ this baby? Why do you give a fuck about a damned crack-baby?”
“DON”T FUCK WITH ME! You know damn well he’s more than just some crack-baby!”
“You’re tryin’ to tell me that baby’s really Jesus Christ?”
“I’m tellin’ you that if you knew who he was and how he fit into all this you’d kill him yourself. As long as he lives he’s a threat to both of us. That’s why I ain’t shot you yet. That’s why I’m tryin’ to talk some sense into you.”
“But why? I don’t know what tha fuck you tryin to say.”
“Alright, you really want to know? That baby is God’s attempt to intervene. Deus Ex Machina in a fucking diaper. He is forgiveness. His life will mean peace between the races, unless he dies before we do. Once he’s dead then we can kill each other, be reborn, and start this war all over again for the next generation. But, if he’s still alive when we die, then we don’t come back. You see what I’m sayin’? If that baby lives then there’s no resurrection. We’re dead for good and the races will come together just like in Dr. King’s naïve little dream. Yaccub’s curse would be ended. You see? That’s why I can’t let that little mutherfucker live. Because I like what I do and I want to keep doing it. Forever!”
“If I’ve been around for as long as you have, then why don’t I remember any of this?”
“Because, maybe the doctor figured you wouldn’t go along with it if you knew what you were and what damage you were doing to your race. We are still human despite Yaccub’s spells and potions. Maybe he figured that if you were just some angry misguided hoodlum that thought the world owed you a favor then you’d do all the evil he needed you to do without even knowing it. I’m hopin’ you’re smarter than that. That’s why I’m tellin’ you this shit now.”
“You’re wrong. You’re wrong! You’re the devil! Not me! I know who I am!”
“I can’t waste no more time with you. The cops could be coming any minute. You don’t want to tell me where he is, I’ll just have to find him myself after I body your ass.” He licked his lips and started to squeeze the trigger. I closed my eyes and thought about my life, all the pain I’d caused my family, my friends, my entire neighborhood, and perhaps even my entire race. I thought about my Grandmother and my mother and how they had tried so hard to raise me right. I thought about Christina and how I had taken her love so lightly. I waited for the bullet in complete calm. If Scratch was right, then this would be a blessing. Maybe the baby would still live and it would all be over.
I heard a loud crack and waited for the pain and the welcome oblivion, thinking he had pulled the trigger. Then I heard it again and again. I opened my eyes and Scratch was gone. When I turned my head to look for him I saw Huey standing on his chest smashing the butt of the AK 47 against his skull over and over again.
Breathing short shallow breaths and with spots dancing before my eyes, I scrambled to my feet and tried to join Huey in stomping the devil back down to hell. My feet rose and fell with all my weight behind it and Huey continued to pulverize bone and muscle with the butt of the assault rifle until Scratch’s skull came undone and his brains decorated the ground with globs of pink and red pulp. I brought my dusty leather Stacy Adams down on his mouth and knocked out the last of his gold teeth. They tumbled to the ground and lay there catching sunlight. I stopped to stare at them and the world tilted and rolled. I collapsed on my ass in the dirt as my consciousness began to fade, my ruptured lungs no longer able to take in any oxygen. Just before the darkness swooped in and sucked me down into dreams, I saw Huey kneel down and scoop Scratch’s brains up in his hands.
“What are you doin’, bro?”
It was the last thing I said before everything went black.
— | — | —
Chapter 21
“The lower socio-economic Black male is a man of confusion… He faces a hostile environment and is not sure that it is not his own sins that have attracted the hostilities of society… He looks around for something to blame for his situation, but because he is not sophisticated regarding the socio-economic milieu… He ultimately blames himself.”
—Huey P. Newton, “To Die For The People”
««—»»
I think the gun will fit now. Now that all the words are out. My guilt is no less though. That wasn’t the point. I’m not seeking forgiveness or absolution. If Dr. Yaccub really did create me to be a pawn in his plan for eternal racial disharmony then forgiveness is impossible, absolution is impossible. Perhaps I could still have been a good person despite the genetic instincts programmed into me by that mad man long ago. Maybe there is something to the Christian’s free will argument. Perhaps I could still have been an asset to my race somehow. All I know is that I wasn’t. I murdered my own people for money. I assisted in the drug trade that has crippled the Black community out of greed. I lived my life as the very stereotype so many of us have fought to overcome. I am every bit as evil as Scratch ever was.
The baby is safe. Huey and Iesha are raising him. I tried to talk to Huey about what Scratch told me. About how all White People are not devils and how Yaccub had manipulated us all into believing they were by exploiting our own natural tendencies toward prejudice and bigotry. How the same trick was being played on the White community. I don’t know if he understood. Maybe he will after I am gone. Maybe the baby will teach him. Scratch said the baby represented harmony, peace, and forgiveness. God’s gift to the world. I can only hope that the kid will do his job. I can only hope that Scratch and I will never be resurrected.
I pick the Beretta up again and slide it back into my mouth. I slide it back until it touches my tonsils and makes me gag. The taste of metal and gun oil is overpowering. My eyes water. I think of Christina and realize that I love her. I want to pick up the phone and tell her goodbye, but I know the sound of her voice would steal my nerve away and this has to be done if my people will ever have a chance at peace. I think of all the rap songs and videos, movies, and video games that glorify the type of life I have led. It’s so much to overcome. I think of the baby again, the soft ancient eyes filled with wisdom and patience. He has his hands full.