“You know, Teren, sometimes I wonder about you.” Teren went still, but didn’t answer. “I mean, after all, part of why I hate these guys we’re after is because they have no regard for human life.” She waited, but her friend remained silent. “Sometimes I wonder if you do, either.”
Teren heard the door close behind her. She found herself clutching the handle of her weapon, squeezing it so hard her knuckles were cold and white. It took a great deal of effort to release the gun.
“Sometimes, Alex,” she whispered, “I wonder the same thing.”
She sat still for a moment longer. Then with a sigh, she picked up her second gun and began to break it down.
*******************************************************
The muffled scream brought Teren bolt upright, a hand curled around the grip of her .45. She waited a second, not sure if the sound had been real, or if it had been a part of her own nightmares. She was about to dismiss it, when it came again.
Alex. Before she realized what she was doing, Teren was on her feet and moving. She stopped for a moment at the door to Alex’s room. For a moment she held back, then a half-sob reached her ears, and she turned the handle and went in.
The blonde woman was tangled in the covers on the bed. Alex had rolled so much that her arms were caught under the bedsheets, which wrapped around her like a straight jacket. Her eyes were closed, and her head moved back and forth, the golden hair stuck to her sweaty face. As Teren stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do, Alex moaned and called out David’s name.
Teren’s vision blurred slightly, and she blinked to clear them.
Alex screamed Teren’s name and sat up, her eyes wide and staring. She struggled to pull her arms free, and started to panic when she couldn’t. Teren lunged for the bed, tugged the sheets away quickly, and gathered the frightened woman into her arms. Alex began sobbing on Teren’s shoulder.
They stayed like that for several minutes. Alex clung to her dark companion, trying not to see the visions from her dreams. Instead she concentrated on the feeling of Teren’s hands, the scent of her body, and the rapid heartbeat that pounded under her ear.
Teren stroked Alex’s sweat soaked back, whispering nonsense words to her. She rocked the smaller body back and forth, trying to surround Alex with her arms and her voice. Finally the words disappeared, and she simply hummed a soft melody in Alex’s ear as the panicked grasp began to loosen.
Even after Alex had stopped crying, and Teren’s humming ended, they stayed in each other’s arms, rocking. Alex felt as though she had crawled into a tiny space of warmth and comfort, and she was loathe to leave it. Teren had momentarily convinced herself that if she could just keep Alex in her arms, the whole world could know peace.
The soft silence continued until Alex began shivering. The fear induced sweat had dried, cooling her as it did. Reluctantly, she pulled away, reaching for the blanket. Teren helped her straighten it out, and slide beneath it. She gave Alex a tiny smile, and stroked her cheek, then tensed her legs to stand up.
A hand on her knee stopped her. She looked down to find Alex’s green eyes locked on her, a plea shining from them.
“Stay.”
Nothing more was said. Teren slipped beneath the covers, and Alex curled up at her side, sinking back into that place of warmth.
Teren had one arm curled around the blonde, and was stroking the fair hair with the other hand. It wasn’t long before she felt Alex slip back into slumber, and Teren moved her head to kiss her friend’s forehead. Then she closed her eyes and let sleep come.
*******************************************************
There was a scent in the air that Alex couldn’t place. With her eyes still closed, she slowly woke, wanting to stay comfortable for just a few more minutes. She was curled on her side, her head on a pillow that was firmer than she remembered. Her arms were wrapped around an even larger pillow with satiny skin that smelled of —
Skin?
She opened her eyes to find herself wrapped around Teren, who was wearing a tank top and a pair of bikini briefs. Alex could feel her face turn red as she loosened the hold she had on the long body.
“Sorry.”
“No problem. Feeling better?” Teren asked quietly.
“Yeah. Much.”
Teren nodded. Alex, feeling embarrassed, started to move away. She was stopped by a hand on her back.
“Stay still for a few more minutes, okay?”
Alex looked up curiously at the blue eyes so close to hers. She nodded. “Okay.”
The hand on Alex’s back was moving in a circular motion. Through the long t-shirt Alex wore, Teren could feel the heat from her body. She waited patiently for the muscles beneath her hand and arm to release their tension. It took several moments, but Alex finally relaxed back into Teren’s embrace.
“Wanna tell me what brought me in here last night?”
The muscles tensed again, and Teren kept up her gentle rubbing.
“Um. Not sure. You were just suddenly here.”
Teren nodded. “I came in because you screamed.” She turned her head so she could see Alex’s face. “Tell me about the nightmare?”
Alex couldn’t lie still anymore, and she sat up, surprising her friend. “Not really.” She moved to get out from under the covers, but Teren sat up and wrapped both arms around her.
“Alex, you can’t keep doing this. If you don’t talk about it, these dreams are going to drive you crazy.”
“They don’t happen all the time.”
“No, just often enough to rob you of half the sleep you need. Neither of us can afford for the other to be exhausted, and you soon will be if it doesn’t stop.”
“So, I’ll just sleep with you. I don’t have them when we’re together.”
Teren didn’t know what to say to that, and she opened and closed her mouth several times. Finally, she took a deep breath, and spoke into Alex’s ear.
“If I thought that’s all it took, I’d say yes in a heartbeat. But it’s only a short term cure, and we both know that.” She moved around so that she was facing Alex. “Last night, you screamed in your sleep. When I got here, you were calling David’s name, then mine.” Teren swept a lock of blond hair away from Alex’s eyes. “Tell me?”
Alex couldn’t look at her friend’s face.
“It was the ambush. It always is.”
Teren nodded, stroking the soft cheek beneath her hand. “Go on.”
The blonde swallowed. “It started out the same as always, just like it did that night. They’re shooting at us, and we’re behind the cars.” She took a deep breath. “Then the guy comes up from behind, and I turn to shoot him. As I do, he becomes David.”
There were tears on Alex’s cheeks, and Teren gently brushed them away with her thumb. Alex, intent on the images in her mind, didn’t notice.
“He stands there clutching his chest, and asks me why. Then he falls. I hear someone coming, and I turn around. I order them to stop, and they don’t. They raise their gun, and I shoot them.” She finally looked at Teren. “And it’s you.” Her face twisted in a grimace. “I shot you. And you died.” The tears were too heavy to be wiped away. Teren slipped an arm around Alex’s shoulders.
“It’s okay, Alex. I’m here. I’m right here.”
“I shot you. You died, and David died, and Rick died. I was the only one there — and there was so much blood — my hands were covered in it, and it wouldn’t come off …” Her voice faded away as the sobs came full force. Teren pulled her close, and once again just rocked her.
They stayed that way for a few minutes, just holding onto one another. Finally, Alex’s breathing began to slow. When she could take a full breath without gasping, Teren pushed her shoulders gently away.
“Alright. You need to listen. I know it’s going to take time for these wounds to heal, and I know the guilt is going to be there for an awful long time. But you need to really listen, Alex.”
The blonde nodded.
“You did nothing wrong. You could not have prevented the ambush. You could not have saved Rick, or Brogan, or anybody. You did damn good to get out of there with as few casualties as you did.” Teren brushed the hair out of Alex’s eyes again, and, placing her hands on either side of Alex’s head, forced the green eyes to meet her blue ones. “As far as David’s injury, you did not cause it. You probably saved his life by shooting that guy when you did. If you hadn’t, he would have had time to finish David, and probably everyone else. You did what you had to do, and you didn’t do anything wrong.”