his violin. And Tina with romance novels. And Michael with his band. Oh, my GOD!!!!!!!! We ALL have Asperger's syndrome!!!!!!!! This is terrible. I wonder if Principal Gupta knows???????? Wait . . . what if AEHS is a special Asperger's syndrome school? And none of us know it? Until now, that is ... I am going to bust the whole thing wide open! Like Woodward and Bernstein! Mia Thermopolis, forging a path for Asperger's sufferers everywhere!).
• Obsessive concern or attention to parts of objects rather than the whole (I don't know what this means, but it sounds
like ME!!!!!!!!).
• Repetitive behaviours, generally self-injurious in nature (BORIS!!!!!!! Dropping globes on his head!!!!!!!!! But wait,
he only did that once . . .).
Symptoms not included in Asperger's:
• No indication of language retardation (duh. We are all excellent talkers) or of retardation in typical age-appropriate curiosity (seriously. I mean, Lilly got to second base already and she is only in the ninth grade).
First identified in 1944 as 'Autistic Psychopathy' by Hans Asperger, the cause of this disorder is still unknown. Asperger's syndrome may possibly be related to autism. There is no known cure for Asperger's at this time, and indeed, some case subjects do not consider the disorder an impairment at all. To eliminate other causes, physical, emotional and mental evaluations are usually administered to suspected cases of Asperger's.
Lilly, Michael, Boris, Tina and I ALL need to take these tests!!!!! Oh, my God, we've had Asperger's all along and never knew!!!! I wonder if Mr. Wheeton knows, and that's why he assigned me this condition!!!!! This is spooky . . .
Tuesday, May 6, the Loft
I just went into my mother's bedroom (Mr G is on an emergency run to Grand Union to secure more Haagen-Dazs for her)
and demanded to know the truth about my mental health status.
'Mother,' I said. Am I, or am I not, a sufferer of Asperger's syndrome?'
My mom was trying to watch a bunch of episodes of Charmed she'd taped. She says Charmed is actually a very feminist show because it portrays young women who fight evil without the help of males, but I notice that a) they often fight while wearing halter tops, and b) my mother takes a special interest in the episodes where men take their shirts off.
But whatever. In any case, her reply to me was way cranky.
'For God's sake, Mia,' she said. Are you doing another report for Health and Safety?'
'Yes,' I said. And it is clear to me that you have been hiding from everyone the fact that I am a sufferer of Asperger's
syndrome, and that, in fact, you send me to a special school for Asperger's sufferers. And the lying has got to stop now!'
She just looked at me and went, Are you seriously trying to tell me that you don't remember last month, when you were convinced you had Tourette's syndrome?'
I protested that this was totally different. Tourette's is a disorder characterized by multiple motor and vocal tics that begin prior to the age of eighteen, and at the time we were studying it in class, my constant use of words such as 'like' and 'totally' seemed totally characteristic of the disease.
Is it my fault that generally the tics are accompanied by involuntary bodily movements, from which I apparently don't suffer?
'Are you trying to say,' I demanded, 'that I don't have Asperger's syndrome?'
'Mia,' my mother said. 'There is nothing wrong with you. You are one hundred per cent Asperger's syndrome-free.
I couldn't believe this, however, after everything I'd read.
'Are you SURE?' I asked. 'What about Lilly?'
My mom snorted. 'Well. I wouldn't go so far as to say that Lilly is normal. But I highly doubt she is suffering from Asperger's.'
Damn! I wish she were. Lilly, I mean. Because then I might be able to forgive her. For calling me weak, I mean.
But as she has no disease, there is no excuse for the way she's treated me.
I have to admit, I'm a little sad I don't have Asperger's. Because now my obsession with the prom is just that: my obsession with the prom. And not a symptom of a disease over which I have no control.
Just my luck!
Wednesday, May 7, 3:30 a.m.
I realize now what I am going to have to do. I mean, I think I knew it all along, and I was just blocking it. Which isn't surprising, considering that every fibre of my being is crying out against it.
But really, what choice do I have? Michael himself even said it: he'd go to the prom if the guys from his band were going too.
Oh, God, I can't believe it has come to this. My life really IS going down the toilet if this is the low to which I am forced to stoop.
I'll never be able to get to sleep now. I just know it. I am too filled with dread.
The Atom
The Official Student-Run Newspaper of Albert Einstein High School
Take Pride in the AEHS Lions
Week of May 12
Volume 456/Issue 28
Notice to all Students:
As we enter final exams in the next few weeks, school administrators would like us to review the
AEHS mission statement and beliefs:
Mission Statement
It is Albert Einstein High School's mission to provide students with learning experiences that are technologically relevant, globally orientated and personally challenging.
Beliefs:
1. The school must provide a diverse curriculum that includes a strong academic programme enhanced by numerous electives.
2. A well-supported and diverse extra-curricular programme is an essential supplement to the academic programme in helping students explore a wide range of interests and abilities.
3. Students must be encouraged to develop
responsible behaviour and accountability for their actions.
4. Tolerance and understanding of different cultures and viewpoints must be encouraged at all times.
5. Cheating or plagiarism will not be condoned in any form, and can lead to suspension or expulsion.
The administration would like the student body to be aware that in the coming exam period, it intends to enforce point 5 with vigilance. Forewarned is forearmed.
Incident at Les Hautes Manger
by Mia Thermopolis