Tension in the home hit new levels as the financial situation disrupted the foundation of every conversation they attempted. Even with Hailey doing better, both were on short fuses and they each brought blow torches to their discussions.
She was in no position to help financially but as often as she could, Rebecca would offer to take Hailey off their hands. Whether it was a Sunday morning, Monday afternoon or a Wednesday evening, Rebecca always had something going on she could take Hailey to, though most often it was an event with the people from Rebecca’s church. She would pick up Hailey and tell Stephen and Sarah to enjoy a little time relaxing together. They took advantage of the offer but routinely left out the ‘together’ part of the instruction.
It wasn’t long before the strained financial situation started having long term impacts. Stephen was in the process of getting another glass of water when he looked out the window at his broken down coupe which needed another $1,300 to replace the catalytic converter. What surprised him most was how offended Stephen felt. He had bought the car, he put gas in it every week, he had made payments on it for five years and kept up with the maintenance. Now the car was breaking down and it couldn’t have picked a worse time. There simply wasn’t enough left at the end of each month while food and housing were being prioritized over the car. Unsure of how to pay for the car’s repairs atop other stresses, Stephen reluctantly walked over and dropped himself deep into the worn couch.
Stephen sat without revealing the rising caldera from the volcano of his own thoughts. He affirmed his own frustration through self-deprecation as he questioned years of his own financial decision making. A fire began to rage as his thoughts dwelled on mistakes he couldn’t find but felt certain he had made, missed alternatives which could have prevented the present disaster. He soothed his own feelings of helplessness and discouragement by throwing his wife’s household decisions into the list of errors as well. The Army, McDowell, cancer; there was plenty of blame to go around. He stewed in anger and began practicing his words for the upcoming contentious discussion he knew would come when Sarah returned from her wonderfully relaxing afternoon of smiles and frozen yogurt.
His father would be home soon, joined by the ladies. He’d have that same expressionless stare he had worn for years. Stephen pretended to focus on the game being broadcasted and thought about the advice his father could have given him had he been able to communicate. It wasn’t just the man’s ability to talk, but words had left him as well. He couldn’t even formulate sentences in his mind so writing was completely out of the question. Disappointment rested among the bed of anger and frustration and in his peripheral, Stephen waited for his father to arrive. He would arrive and, along with everyone else, he would learn how his son had again failed to provide for his family. For the first time since Tom had suffered the debilitating stroke, Stephen was glad his father couldn’t speak.
Waiting for Sarah to return was a test in patience and humility. It was a test which Stephen thoroughly failed as his mind dug in with the planned arguments he was prepared to launch at Sarah. He knew what to expect from her and he was ready for battle. Despite the war between them, Stephen and Sarah were no longer in the combat zone with Hailey. Most parents don’t want to think of their children as average. To the Lantz household, average was the Promised Land. Average meant healthy and energetic instead of sickly and lethargic. Average meant trips to the zoo instead of trips to the hospital. They had quickly learned that average didn’t mean simplicity, but they would choose it every time. Hailey had been in a three year period of remission and every day it seemed more and more like Stephen and Sarah were in the process of raising a typical seven year old girl; complete with her first day of kindergarten. Average was on the horizon.
To Stephen, certain parts of life almost seemed more difficult when Hailey’s cancer was in remission. Arguments and disagreements were exposed for the minor annoyances they were and quickly dropped when their attention was entirely focused on Hailey’s illness. It reminded Stephen of his squad in the combat zone. Disagreements and the daily disputes would immediately become meaningless once the action started. His squad had experienced some of that in Iraq. The day before their convoy had been hit by the car bomb, he had observed Chelp and Tomlison bickering over something about the position of a foot locker. They were very near to blows when Stephen stepped in and literally had to shove them back. In one regard, he felt as though he saved Tomlison’s life that day. Chelp, who stood at six-foot-four-inches, weighed two hundred forty five pounds and had a five day a week gym routine, was not the guy Tomlison should have been arguing with. Nevertheless, the next day on that road outside Fallujah, Chelp and Tomlison were an unstoppable pair, each clearly willing to lay down his life for the other man. Stephen wondered how much he and Sarah were like Chelp and Tomlison. Were they really better off in the thicket than in the clear? Undoubtedly, he hated the disease and would do anything to relieve his daughter from cancer’s grasp. But he had to confess that when Hailey was sick, the house did seem to be more unified.
The drawn out death of their vehicle situation had already caused additional tension between Stephen and Sarah. Timing of their car’s use was never convenient and only became exacerbated when Stephen needed to travel to and from his weekly occupational calamity sessions, or as others referred to it, job interviews. There were dozens of employment fairs and he attended every last one of them. He collected business cards and completed tons of applications, each with varying levels of disappointment. He did his best to work his existing network of business contacts, many of which, he learned were looking for new jobs themselves. Stephen made it a point to reach out to the people he knew that might be able to offer a reference or suggest even some part-time work. Initially, he would meet a contact for breakfast or lunch but it wasn’t long before the dwindling budget required him to build relationships over a beverage, the inexpensive tall coffee of the day quickly becoming his drink of choice. He heard about networking groups around the city but most had membership fees which he could not afford. He did find it ironic that he didn’t have enough money for a membership fee to an organization that would supposedly allow him to find a job and earn money. It was a classic chicken and egg tale. He didn’t know which came first; he only knew he didn’t possess either one.
Meanwhile, Rebecca often graciously used their vehicle to serve as the family’s part-time chauffeur. Besides dropping her granddaughter to the school each day, she would frequently leave Tom off to his physical therapy sessions. On those days she enjoyed picking Sarah up and they would either shop for the household necessities or attend a gathering of some sort with Rebecca’s friends. Stephen repeatedly fussed that it would be easier to just give his mother some money and a list. Gas prices had passed well beyond the level of reason and stopping off to pick up Sarah only added more miles to Rebecca’s regular tour around town. Rebecca would have none of it and insisted on spending the time with Sarah. It took a few times but Stephen eventually began to see when Sarah returned she was always in a better mood and more patient. Finally catching on to the indirect benefit he was personally reaping, Stephen learned to shut up and refrained from offering any further suggestions when it came to commuting.
The door knob made a startling noise. Then it shook for a moment before pausing and then gyrating like someone beating a tambourine. It was as if someone was wriggling the handle for mere audible pleasure. No progress was being made but the entire door handle seemed near to falling off from being shaken so hard. Then, as abruptly as it began, the rattling stopped. The knob slowly turned and then suddenly halted as the door pressed open across the threshold, its soft creaking overwhelming the repetitive sound of the kitchen ceiling fan.