I staggered over to Ash and wrapped her head in my hands whispering, “I’m so sorry Ash,” over and over again. It broke my heart that she was crying over me. Because of me. That’s the reason I can’t date Ash, because I’ll break her heart over and over again. It’s really that simple. It’s not that I want to but with a past like mine I question everything and I can’t hurt someone the way my dad hurt my mom, Jade, and myself.
Seeing more tears escape her eyes I thought I was going to cry for a second but I gulped and swallowed them away. I could hear footsteps from behind me. At first they were walking towards us but then they quickly vanished. I just kept running my thumbs up and down Ash’s cheeks on either side trying to comfort her. I wanted to kiss her again, but I didn’t think that would go over too well with her. So I moved away and put her hand in mine and walked us back into our room together.
I couldn’t take the mascara all over her face any longer so as soon as we got into our room I walked her into the bathroom and placed her on the counter. I heard her breathing loudly but I needed to do this. I needed to show her that I could take care of her. In some sort of way at least.
While I looked for her make-up removal wipes I had an inner battle with myself. I wanted to show her that I could be who she wanted, but I also knew that I would end up hurting her the way my dad hurt my mom. I let the first win because I wanted her to be happy and I knew at least a small part of me could do that for her.
Walking back in the bathroom I placed the cool wipe to her cheek and began to wipe off her black mascara. I wiped her cheeks, her nose, and both eyes. When I was satisfied with my clean-up job I picked her up in my arms and walked her over to her bed so she could go to sleep. I walked over and turned off the bedside table and then began to walk over to my bed but I stopped and turned.
I saw Ash’s back and again I had a battle with myself but I decided to just go with it. I needed to be close to her even if only for a second before she pushed me out of her bed. So I sat down on her bed and scooted over to her and cradled her against me.
Kissing her on the neck I whispered in her ear, “I’ll fix this mess, Ash. I promise.” I didn’t get to hear what she had to say because before I knew it my eyes were closed and I was drifting off into a peaceful sleep.
I woke up with the world’s worst hangover the following morning but I had the most beautiful girl wrapped up in my arms. Somehow during the night she’d turned so her body was facing me so I took a few seconds to just look at her.
I always thought Ash was beautiful but there weren’t words to describe how incredible she looked in the morning. God, she is breathtaking. Her hair was lying on the pillow and her mouth was opened just slightly and she made the most gorgeous little sounds. It wasn’t snoring; more like purring.
As I stared at her I realized I wanted Ashlynn. I needed Ashlynn and I knew exactly what I needed to do in order to get her. I was taking a leap of faith because I didn’t know if she would agree to it, but if Maddox was right about Ashlynn then I had nothing to worry about.
I figured today was a new day. A new start. A new beginning and I wanted to begin something, I’m not sure what exactly, but something with Ashlynn Miller.
Kissing her on the cheek I quietly got up out of bed. I didn’t want to wake her because I had a surprise for her. After relieving myself in the bathroom I grabbed some aspirin and a bottle of water. Swallowing the pills and gulping down the bottle of water I grabbed my cell phone and left the room.
Getting the phone number from reception I dialed.
“Airlines. How may I help you?”
Taking a few deep breaths I said, “I need to make a flight change.”
After the conversation I hung up the phone. Looking down I could feel my heart beating so fast I thought I was going to pass out. Clicking my phone shut I said, “I hope you know what exactly you’re doing Jason.”
Taking one step at a time I made my way back to mine and Ashlynn’s room. I could hear moving around on the other side and knew Ashlynn was up. I wasn’t sure if I was incredibly excited or scared shitless to walk into that room because I didn’t know what would be waiting for me on the other side.
With shaky fingers I got out my swipe card. Taking a few deep breaths I tried to calm myself. Come on Jason, you can do this. Just walk through. It’s only Ashlynn. But she wasn’t just any girl. She was the girl. My girl or at least I’d hoped.
After getting the green light I opened the door. Ash’s back was to me and I saw that she was packing up her clothes. The second she heard the door open I noticed she scrunched up a little bit from behind and jumped; almost like she was scared of me or what I was going to say. Turning around I could tell she was nervous. In this tiny voice she squeaked, “Jason …”
She was getting ready to say something but I cut her off and said, “You should probably pack up the rest of your stuff. Our flight leaves in a little while.”
She was biting her lip but she let it go and her face automatically turned down in a frown. It looked almost like I punched her in the gut from the way she was reacting, but hopefully she wouldn’t be acting like that for much longer.
I just hope I’m doing the right thing and not making a bigger mess for the both of us.
Chapter 4
Ashlynn
I thought I was going to wake up in Jason’s arms, but I didn’t. Although I did wake up with a horrible headache because of all the crying I had done the night before. Stretching and getting up from bed I walked over to my make-up bag and searched for some type of Tylenol or Advil to relieve my headache.
Stumbling upon my make-up removal wipes my tummy automatically started doing somersaults and flips because of the memories of Jason last night. At first I thought it was all a dream and I never wanted to wake up from it. It made me think that the horrible mess prior was so worth it because we came out to a beautiful thing afterwards.
Watching him as he wiped away the smeared mascara on my face I could tell there was something in him that was changing. Although I could tell there was a part of him that wanted to fight it every step of the way. Somehow, someway I was going to get through that barrier. I noticed it in his eyes when he was wiping away the mascara. He was biting his lower lip and scrunching his eyebrows together and kept shaking his head back.
I started to wonder if everything Jade had told me was only a small portion of what growing up in the Williams’ household was like. I started to think back on the years at school and realized that not once did Mr. or Mrs. Williams ever visit their children.
Meanwhile my dad was always making surprise appearances. Sometimes I was kind of annoyed with it because on some occasions I was rather hung over but I was grateful my dad was always there for me. Jade and I were so close that my dad always included Jade and Jason in on whatever we were doing. Sometimes we would just go get something to eat or even go see a movie.
I thought it was really sweet when the school sent home gift basket order forms around midterm and finals time. Miraculously, Jade and Jason always received one but it was never from their parents. I knew they were from my dad and he never told me about it.
I also started to question if I was strong enough to help Jason with his struggles. I just didn’t want to create a bigger mess for Jason to have to deal with and clean up. I wanted to help him. Not hurt him.