Stupefied, the seconds stretching, she stared at the white linen draped over her trembling hands and the item cushioned therein. The four-inch long hairpin was silver, embedded with tarnished spots that were impossible to polish, aiding the appearance of antiquity. The cluster of lavender Michaelmas daisies covering the top were exquisitely detailed, but the color was faded in places with tiny chips in the porcelain petals and one of the yellow garnets set in the center of each flower was newer and scratch-free. It was a lovely hair accessory, obviously well used and finely wrought, although a close inspection by anyone moderately familiar with jewelry would reveal a piece of no great worth.
Yet Lizzy stared as if hypnotized, emotions assaulting her in a deluge. She did not see a shabby hair clip. She saw shiny, brilliant lavender daisies with centers of sparkling garnet nestled in a tiny velvet-lined box resting on a broad palm. She saw her father’s face caught between a loving smile and teasing grin as he said, “Lavender because it is your favorite color, Lizzy, and Michaelmas daisies because they mean ‘farewell,’ although in your case not because I am saying good-bye, but because I know you shall always fare well in your life. You are my brightest daughter and have the greatest potential.”
“I remember that clip!” Lydia’s slurred voice boomed from over Lizzy’s shoulder, shattering the echo of Mr. Bennet’s voice. “Papa brought each of us a flowered hairclip that year when he returned from Town. Mine was buttercups, if I recall, and Jane, yours was carnations. Or was it chrysanthemums?” She shrugged and took a hasty gulp of wine. “That was ages ago. I can’t believe you still have it. Look how tarnished it is!” She leaned over the sofa back and pointed to the splotched silver filigree leaves, and then hiccupped loudly, spilling a drop of red wine onto the end daisy. “Oops! So sorry…”
But Lizzy had risen to her feet, the flowered clip clutched to her chest. Her shimmering gaze swept over the expressions on the faces of the women sitting in a circle around her: Lydia annoyed that the abrupt action had caused her to step unsteadily backward and splash wine onto her bounteous exposed bosom, her other sisters sympathetic, and her mother baffled. Beyond their intimate circle of chairs the remaining family members carried on unaware, including Darcy, who was scowling intently at the chessboard located between him and George.
Yet Lizzy barely registered any of it, not even Charles Bingley’s questioning look. Focusing on any one person was impossible. A vise was tightening about her chest, making breathing difficult. She struggled viciously against the images of Mr. Bennet that slammed over everything in the room and the gruff timbre of his voice that drowned the laughing children. Her efforts were in vain and the Christmas merriment faded into a background shadow and murmur, yielding reality to the plethora of visions and conversations spanning years past with her father.
The final shred of hope that dignity might be retained was dashed when Mrs. Bennet declared with a disgusted sniff, “Why you would bother with that old piece when you have a closet full of jewels to rival a queen is beyond my comprehension. Mr. Bennet brought me one with roses along with you girls’. It was nice enough, I suppose, and he commented when I wore it, but my goodness, it was tarnished and bent! I couldn’t wait to part with it once he was gone.”
Lizzy stifled a cry, wet, blazing eyes piercing her mother before she mumbled an apology to the group and rushed toward the exit.
“Darcy.”
“Hmm?”
“I think something is wrong with Elizabeth.” Darcy’s head snapped up at that, his eyes swinging to where she had been sitting last he looked. “No,” Bingley answered before his friend could ask, “she left the room visibly upset.”
Darcy reached the empty hallway, hesitating briefly, then taking a chance that she had headed toward their private chambers. His guess was correct, but his wife had halted midway up the sloping staircase. She was leaning into the wall, her body bent at the waist, arms hugging her torso as she shook with silent sobs.
He paused for a moment, his heart painfully twisted. He empathized wholly with her suffering, having lost both his parents and a grandfather who was dear to him. Yet he knew that it was not words she needed. Only his love and support. He took a deep breath, ascending to where she hunched, gathering her gently into his arms just as she released her pent agony in a keening wail and her knees buckled.
The final hours of their nineteenth Christmas as a married couple were spent alone in their bedchamber. Darcy held her before the fire, rocking gently until her gasps diminished, cries turned to whimpers, and speech lowered to levels a human could hear. Then the stories came. Lizzy related dozens of conversations with her father, humorous incidents from her youth, books they read and discussed, arguments and debates, their unspoken communications at the antics surrounding them, his earthy witticisms, and the numerous gifts he gave his favorite daughter.
“He hated Town,” she whispered, “yet every time he was forced to travel there he purchased presents for us.” She opened her hand, running one fingertip over the petals. “I was thirteen when he gave me this. I can’t say why it became so special to me, but I love it.” She glanced up at Darcy’s face, snuggling deeper into his firm chest and smiling softly. “Do you remember when I feared I had lost this at Caister-on-Sea? After we made love on the sand?”
“Of course,” he answered, cupping her cheek and rubbing the pad of his thumb over her lower lip. “That was a magical morning high on my list of special memories.” He bent to kiss her lightly. “And not only for the obvious reason. I knew how precious this clip was to you and I am glad I found it.”
“And also why you had the garnet replaced when it fell out. Did I thank you adequately for that, William?”
He chuckled. “Indeed. You profusely expressed your thanks. But only after sternly chastising me for stealing it away to surprise you, leaving you frantic that you had lost it. I believe that lesson is indelibly etched in my mind.”
“Well, I do like most of your surprises.” She smiled, pulling him in for a slow kiss and then looking back at the old clip. “It is odd how small, insignificant items become vital. The mundane happenings or casual remarks that now linger as momentous.” She inhaled, pressing knuckles against her trembling lips. “They are priceless now, and I wish…”
“What do you wish?”
“There were so many other… gifts. Trinkets that I did not value… gaps in my memory… words that should have been said… his personal effects that… Oh William! I do not trust Mama to…” She waved her hand frantically, breathless sobs falling faster between the gasps and sniffles as she tried to talk.
“Cry, dearest. You need to let it out. You are safe here with me to share your pain. Fret not over Mr. Bennet’s personal effects. I haven’t allowed anything to be touched until you are ready. The staff has orders.”
“What if I forget? I feel… already as if I…. have to force the memories. As if they are slipping from me and… all I see is his face…. His cold face lying there… How old he was!”
He tightened his arms as shivers raced through her body and the cleansing weeping continued. “Only because that was your last images, love. Trust me. That will fade in time as you grieve, to then be supplanted by images of your youth. All of your memories and devotion to your father will carry you through and be with you forever.”
And then he began to speak of his parents, his richly resonant voice and vivid remembrances reassuring and pacific. She listened, her weeping lessening gradually as his stories mingled with her own past remembrances. Sadness washed away with the tears he tenderly dried, and grief-coiled muscles released their tension. Finally, sleep claimed her.