I'm sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. I was.... no one important before. My parents both worked for EarthGov in minor capacities, my mother a Senator's aide and my father in the Ministry of Agriculture. I had no brothers or sisters, very few friends.
My mother died when I was about twenty, a random victim of an assassination attempt by one terrorist group or another. Free Mars probably, but it could have been anyone. I used to tell people that was why I used my psychology degree from Cambridge to get me into the Intelligence Services, but that was a lie.
You see, the thing is, I've always been able to tell when other people are lying. I've always been able to read people, to know their secrets, their delusions, everything. I never really liked people. They all seemed so.... stupid, so ignorant. No one ever just stopped and thought about things for a minute.
So, after my mother died, I went into the Intelligence Service. I rose.... respectably, although not rapidly. I think I scared a few people slightly. Ah, well. I hit a sort of glass ceiling eventually, no more room for promotion, the work of a few of my colleagues who were jealous and afraid. They tried to hide it, but I could see it in them.
I was lucky to be on Mars when you came to Earth. There was no grand plan there, it was just luck. I was on a sort of holiday with my wife, Victoria. No, not a holiday at all. I was trying to get her to leave the solar system and get somewhere safe. She wasn't having any of it. As it happened, you came a little early, and both of us just managed to get out alive. Most of the rest of the Government was blasted, the Chief Ministers and the Senate practically wiped out. EarthGov had shifted base to Mars when it became apparent that Earth was under threat, but even so the attack was pretty bad. If it hadn't been for a very timely arrival by half our fleet, we'd all have been killed there.
Anyway, with the Intelligence Service collapsed around our ears and all our files gone, I suddenly became invaluable. I've always had a good memory, you see. Not quite perfect, but pretty good. I managed to recreate most of our files, and that made me indispensable to the new administration. I got promoted to Head pretty fast, and I took over the Security job as well, sort of folding Intelligence and Security together.
That was when I became involved in the dirty tricks, and, well.... came close to losing my soul.
There was a bottle of whisky on the table, opened, but untouched. Next to it there was a glass. It was empty.
And behind them both, looking at them the way a thirsty man in a desert looks at a single drop of water, was General John Sheridan, leader of the Dark Star fleets of the United Alliance of Kazomi 7. He had not touched the drink yet, but that was mostly for the memory of his wife Anna, and what drinking had done to her.
Corwin did not quite have Mr. Welles' powers of observation, and so he missed the bottle at first. He had been called to the General's private quarters, and so he had gone, albeit with some trepidation. They had not spoken for a while, not since they had found Delenn, not since the fight. Sheridan had been busy with countless administrative matters, and trying to co-ordinate the search for the missing Earthforce ships. Corwin had also been busy, after a fashion, discovering all that had been done to Proxima.
"You called me?" he said softly, adding a belated "General." He was not sure what to expect. Sheridan had not been.... himself for months now, ever since he had come out of his paralysis. He had seemed to return to near normality after finding Delenn, but.... he did not look well. His eyes were hollow and haunted.
Also, it was late at night. Very late. What business could Sheridan have with him at this time of night? At least the meeting was on Proxima, and not on the General's Dark Star. Corwin walked very uneasily on Dark Stars these days.
He wondered about the name of the telepath bound within Sheridan's ship.
"David," the General said. "Thank you for coming. I know it's late, and short notice, but...." He fell silent.
"That's fine, General. I'm at your disposal."
"General.... yes. I didn't call you here as a leader, as your superior officer. I asked you here because.... I need a friend, and you were the only person I could think of. I've.... burned a fair few bridges over the last few months."
Corwin should have been pleased about this. After all that had happened, John still considered him a friend. But he wasn't happy. The tone of voice was.... dark. The General was disturbed about something.
Then he noticed the bottle.
"Oh, this? I found it in Clark's office. Completely untouched. The trappings of power, hmm? Anna would have killed for a glass of this. The proper stuff. I haven't drunk any yet.... not that I haven't wanted to, but....
"My Dad said once that there were a number of solutions to every problem. You could pretend it never existed, which is what this stuff does. It'll work for a while, but not nearly long enough. Or you can talk to someone. That won't make it go away either.... but it won't sound as bad. That's what he said.... He was rarely wrong about anything else.
"Have we found his body?"
"No."
"Maybe he's not dead, then. I don't know.... I just think it would be easier if.... if he was. I so wanted to think it was all a dream, when I saw him on Kazomi Seven, and then at Z'ha'dum. It wasn't a dream. I don't know why my father went and worked for those.... murderers, but....
"I need to know. Oh, what the hell, that's not why I asked you here.
"I need a friend. I need someone to talk to. I've.... discovered something, and I've no idea how I should react to it. Someone to talk to might be a start. A friend.... if you still consider yourself my friend...."
"Of course I am."
"Oh.... good. Sit down, and let's have a drink. Another thing my Dad used to tell me.... never drink alone. It's always a bad idea."
"A wise man, your father."
"Oh, yes.... Oh, yes."
You've been in love, haven't you? You know what it's like.
Her name was Victoria. I'd met her at university. She was a student, a year younger than I was. She was studying medicine. She wanted to be a doctor. She saw sick people and wanted to make them better. Especially children. She couldn't stand to see sick or dying children. She loved them. I didn't, I hated them. Children were even more stupid than adults were.
I'd never been able to read her, not at all. She could lie to me and I'd never know. She could keep everything she knew a secret and I'd never suspect. She didn't.... at least, I don't think she did, but she could have done.
I remember the first time I saw her. I was sitting by a river bank in the rain when she passed by, on a boat. I always liked the rain. She hated it. She turned to look at me, evidently having sensed me staring at her. I caught her eyes for one brief moment and.... there was a connection. You could call it love at first sight, I suppose. For me anyway. I don't know how she reacted.
We met up again while I was working in Intelligence. She'd become a doctor by then. She got involved in one of our operations quite by accident. She'd stumbled across a survivor of a team sent by rogue extremists to assassinate the President. He'd been wounded in a shoot-out, but had managed to escape.
I wasn't assigned to that mission. At that stage I had no real responsibilities at all. Even making the coffee was a little too technical for me then. I wanted advancement. I wanted promotion and I resented being held back by jealous and inferior people.