He didn't care.
He had done many horrible things in his life. He had tortured, he had lied and deceived, he had destroyed lives and reputations, he had broken hearts and minds.
But it was all in a good cause, all for the good of humanity, all for the greater good, so that was all right.
He had done many horrible things, but this....
He could not do it. No, he had to. Too many lives were.... He could not! He had to!
He stood up and swayed over to his desk. Papers had become strewn across it in his rage, but as he sat down it was easy enough to find the one he was looking for. Preliminary medical report on Satai Delenn.
Please let the words not be there. Please let them not be there. Let this be a dream, an illusion, a joke, anything!
They were there. Black against the page, unassuming, innocuous, innocent.
He leapt to his feet and smashed his chair against the wall. Then he slumped to the floor and began to sob.
Why had she not told him? For God's sake, why? If he had had some warning, then maybe.... maybe he could have done something. Now it was too late. A copy of this report had been sent to Clark at exactly the same time he had received it. Sheridan would find out not long after, and he would take great delight in watching Welles do what he would have to do. Ambassador Sheridan hated Delenn.
Welles was not sure if he hated her, or loved her.... or what? He simply knew that she did not deserve this.
He looked back at the report. The words were still there. They had not disappeared, or faded away, or changed in any way.
Five simple words. That was all, but they were enough to damn him, to damn whatever pitiful speck remained of his soul.
His eyes skipped over the first four and settled on the last. He half-cried, half-laughed. He wanted so much for that word to not be there, for there to be a mistake, something, anything.
Eight little letters, a word many reacted to with joy. A word he had longed to hear all these years ago from the mouth of the woman he loved more than life itself. A word he was hearing now, and one he could not bring himself to accept.
One little word.
Pregnant.
Part 4 : A Future, Born in Pain.
A choice was made freely, and when she made it Delenn thought she understood the price. She did not. But now she will. She was willing to sacrifice her own life, but the universe will demand more than that. Much more, indeed.
It hurts.
I had expected it to hurt. I had expected pain. But not this kind of pain.
My heart aches.
It hurts.
The physical pain is.... bearable. There is a burning, and a dull, soft ache. I was not sure what to expect of this. I do not think anyone knew what to expect of this. I am, after all, unique. I mean to say, I am unique in my biology. We are all unique in our souls. All life is unique.
All life is valued and is to be treasured, especially that of an innocent, of a child....
Of a baby.
I did not know. I tried to tell Welles that, but I do not think he wanted to listen. I did not know! How could I? I have never been.... pregnant before. It is very different among my.... former.... people. Lyta told me some things, but that was a long time ago.
Besides, I was on Z'ha'dum and time is.... different there.
I did not know!
Please.... someone.... believe me....
I can see his anger. He was furious, barely restraining it behind a mask of civility. I have seen the same thing in our warriors, just before they go into battle. It is the death rage.
"Why did you not tell me?!" he roared.
Tell you what?
"For God's sake, why didn't you tell me? I might have been able to do something. Maybe.... if I'd known.... But....
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Tell you what?
"You know. You must know. I'm going to.... I've done.... terrible things. Horrible things, but this....
"Never this.
"I've never done this!
"Why didn't you tell me?"
What? What is happening? What is wrong?
And then he told me, two simple words that shook me.
I did not know. Please, believe me. I did not know.
"You're pregnant."
This said, his anger did not abate. He continued, pacing up and down. I could not move, bound as I was My muscles were aching, but I did not feel it. All I could hear was his voice.
"You're pregnant.
"The medical tests showed that. That was one of the first things they discovered. They aren't finished, but they thought it best to wait for further orders. The doctors.... they know what is going to have to happen. They're practically champing at the bit. This is.... a unique opportunity, after all."
What will happen?
"Don't be so stupid!
"Can't you guess?"
Can I?
"You are going to be put on trial for war crimes. It will take.... time before....
"Before the trial can be prepared. Months. By that time.... it'll be obvious to everyone....
"Assuming your pregnancy is the same as a human one. It.... seems as if it is, so far....
"Ah! What does that matter? Listen, it'll take months before you go on trial, and it'll be obvious by then that you're pregnant. We can't exactly say we've been overfeeding you in here and you've put on weight!
"God, you might even have given birth by then.
"Pregnancy.... well, that happens to normal women. Human women. Normal people.
"It doesn't happen to war criminals, alien freaks of nature....
"I'm sorry.... I didn't.... You're not a freak.... You....
"Damn!
"Anyway. Pregnancy happens to normal people. If you go on the stand pregnant.... well.... you're not a war criminal or a.... whatever.... then. You're a normal person. You're just like over fifty percent of the human population then. You're not a murderer, you're a.... woman.
"The bleeding heart liberals are going to get hold of that and start bleating on about human rights and so on....
"It'll muddy things too much. This has got to be straightforward and simple. You're a murderer, a war criminal, an alien.... a monster.
"The.... the thing in your body is going to complicate that. It's going to complicate too many things. Fortunately.... as with any complicated situation, there's a simple solution."
What are you going to do?
"We're going to kill your baby, of course."
What?
"We're going to kill your baby. Well, the technical term is abortion, but I really don't care about semantics at the moment. We're going to murder your baby, and then pretend it never happened. You were never pregnant.... because how can you be pregnant?