Yes.
Great. Where is it we’re going again? Patrick almost touched her on the elbow as he spoke; her perfume too.
The arts centre I think.
Aw.
We can stop off somewhere else first … Alison whispered.
Aye, fancy? Miller’s?
She nodded. Then she had clicked the door of her classroom open and was now shutting it behind herself. And had she been irritated by him? Who knows. And he walked rapidly along to his own room. It was as if maybe there had been a slight sarcasm in her voice but so what so what. He opened the classroom door and the hubbub ceased. Peace reigns, he said, great stuff. He shut the door and without glancing at the pupils he strolled to his desk, sighing and saying, Ho hum … He clasped his hands and looked at them alclass="underline" a first-year class.
Now weans, he said, today is Friday and tomorrow is Saturday. I am demanding a bit of order, a bit of order, otherwise I’m closing the pub early. Okay! Right: open your fucking jotters and get scribbling.
He moved behind his desk, letting his gaze drop slowly to where a book lay with its pages open. The desk-top slanted and none of the kids could see the book without walking to the front of the room. Not that it would have mattered anyway. Plus as well they would have seen it when they came in. It was a good book though. It was by a German thinker who was enmeshed in the pre-Socratics, more especially the Pythagoreans, who were an odd bunch of folk although there again, not so odd as this present-day society which was extremely odd indeed, extremely odd, altogether. He chuckled briefly, shut the book and proceeded to address the class:
Weans! I have to advise yous all that I shall be having a couple of weeks on the panel. I am unwell. I wish to perform upon musical pipes.
The pupils were grinning. They were used to him and not at all nonplussed by such information. He was the kind of teacher who likes to spend an entire period on essential side issues. Pat nodded at them and he grinned. I wish to discuss an important topic. I wish to discuss leges de indigentibus factae. Now who can give us an immediate translation? Catriona! Come on, you’re always good and I’ve got no time to waste!
Is it to do with the poor-laws?
Ah Catriona, a girl destined for great things. A wee bit like the famous Mirs Houston, her self-assuredness. Aye, that’s exactly what it is fucking to do with, the poor-laws. Now then, I want you all to repeat after me: The present government, in suppressing the poor, is suppressing our parents.
The smiling faces.
The present government, in suppressing the poor, is suppressing our parents.
Fine, smashing, good. Right then, one more: Animi egestas! Immediate translation! Ian!
Is it to do with poverty of the mind sir?
Yes sir, precisely. Now class, the lot of ye, repeat after me: Our parents, who are the poor, are suffering from an acute poverty of the mind.
The smiling faces. When Goya embarked on his black period what must he have been thinking on? There he was, fifty years aulder than Pat Doyle and stuck fast in quicksand.
The smiling faces. Pat smiled back at them. Children, there is little to say and I’m not the man who can say that little. I’m a man who is fucking sorely bemused, sorely bemused. And I’m standing here in front of you, right out in the bloody damn open.
Yes, the faces all smiling. The wee first-yearers are good. Maybe they are Patrick’s favourite group. Just at the age they are approaching teenagehood. He seems to have an okay relationship with them. I’m chucking this job in because I want to play the pipes. But these pipes have got fuck all to do with Scotland. Does anybody know the term ‘fugisticism’? And dont answer too fast because I dont think the term has existed before this last five minutes. So there you are, that’s the way things are, how ye can just fucking walk in here and invent your own terms. I’ve got my own terms and so have you. You’ve just got to make sure they’re no your
The door was opening. Mirs Houston, it was Alison … Patrick smiled a moment then frowned. She remained by the door. He walked across. She turned side on to the class, so they wouldni be able to read her lips. She had very expressive lips, her whole mouth in fact. She tapped him on the arm! and she said very quietly indeed, Are you going to the staffroom at the interval?
Naw.
She paused.
I prefer no to.
But you’re definitely going for a pint later on?
Eh aye.
I’ll see you at the gates then.
Aye.
Then she was out and away, the door clicking itself shut. He stared at it, the door, then about-faced to stare at the weans a moment, then he strolled to the desk, gazing to his other side as though examining the large blackboard which occupied most of that wall. He stood by his desk and called: Saepire circumdare?
Silence.
He nodded. He glanced at Catriona.
Is it to do with fencing in?
It is precisely to do with that. Now, all of yous, all you wee first-yearers, cause that’s what you are, wee first-yearers. You are here being fenced in by us the teachers at the behest of the government in explicit simulation of your parents viz. the suppressed poor. Repeat after me: We are being fenced in by the teachers
We are being fenced in by the teachers
at the behest of a dictatorship government
at the behest of a dictatorship government
in explicit simulation of our fucking parents the silly bastards
in explicit simulation of our fucking parents the silly bastards
Laughter.
Good, good, but cut out that laughing. You’re here to be treated as young would-be adults under terms that are constant to us all; constant to us all. Okay then that last bit: viz. the suppressed poor!
viz. the suppressed poor!
Cheering.
But that was okay. Patrick nodded. What time is it somebody? And he checked the time given with that of his watch, and he gazed at the book on his desk. He reached to close its pages. There wasnt long to go now. And the weans were watching the weans were watching.
I’m reading about the Pythagoreans, he said, I’ve had the book open on my desk. They were great believers in harmony. Does anybody know what harmony is? And dont answer because it’s fucking impossible. By the time you’ve reached third year you’ll just burst out laughing when somebody asks that kind of thing. Okay. What time is it now? Patrick looked at his watch. He wanted to get out and away. He needed to think things out. He opened the pages of the book and closed them at once. He smiled at the class: they were that fucking wee! I’m so much bigger than you, he said, these are my terms. My terms are the ones that enclose yous. Yous are all enclosed. But yous all know that already! I can tell it just by looking at your faces, your faces, telling these things to me. It’s quite straightforward when you come to think about it. Here you have me. Here you have you. Two sentences. One sentence is needed for you and one sentence is needed for me and you can wrap them all up together if you want to so that what you have in this one sentence is both you and me, us being in it the gether.
Please sir!
Yes sir?
Do you think that we shouldnt be here?
Aye and naw. Sometimes I do and sometimes I dont. I think your question’s fine. I think for example in Pythagoras you’ll find ways of looking at things, at flitting from one thing to the other. And oddly enough it really does have to do with transmigration and maybe even with certain taboos. It makes things fucking really interesting.