‘Father will miss Miss Sloane when Uncle marries,’ said Clement.
‘And shall we not all miss several people? A great part of our life will be a blank. This is something to be a help to him until the break comes. It is sad that we should think in that way of the consummation of Uncle’s life, but we can hardly help it. I question indeed whether I have been wise in throwing Father and Maria so much together. I meant it for the best; God knows I did; but it will be something else to be relinquished. And I have been so glad to see him brighter and hear the old spring in his step. Well, we will not anticipate trouble. It will be on us soon enough.’
‘He must be better for being helped through the first stage. When that is over, he will have himself in hand and can look to his future. Fie must be used to his loss, before he is master of his own life.’
‘And people get used to anything,’ said Mark. ‘Even if he never gets over it, he must get used to it.’
‘He will get over it,’ said Justine. ‘To be honest, we know he will. His feeling for Mother was sound and true, but it was not that, not the kind to live by itself when its object was gone. You do not misunderstand me?’
They did not, and she stroked Aubrey’s hand to help him over this initiation into the life of truth.
‘We are all leaving our loss behind,’ said Clement. ‘And it is better for us and for other people, the sooner it is done.’
‘I hope it does not mean that our little mother is drifting away,’ said Justine, frowning as she tried to think of another meaning. ‘But what dear, good boys you are in these days! You will not leave your sister alone at the helm. It is only Father whose future troubles me. He does seem to be separated by a wide gulf. Mark and I hoped that we could bridge it, but we found our mistake. That is why I am glad if Maria can get even a little way towards the self which is hidden. Somehow he seems to want to keep it so. Somehow I feel that there is a higher barrier between us than there was. There is something which I can’t put into words about it.’
‘Does Father like Miss Sloane better than Mother?’ said Aubrey.
‘Now, little boy, you know better than to ask such questions. It is not worth while to answer them. But Father’s life is not my affair, if he does not wish it to be. It was presumptuous to feel that I could in any way take Mother’s place. I am content that Maria should do so to any extent that she can. The trouble is that it cannot be for long.’
‘Then Father likes Miss Sloane better than you, Justine.’
‘Oh, come, I am Father’s only daughter, since Mother died the only woman in his family. You will know better when you are older, what that means. He may not want to mix up other relations with it. He has a right to have it by itself, simple and intact, if he wishes.’
‘Uncle is coming back tomorrow,’ said Clement.
‘And Father’s life will be full for the time. And we will not look further.’
‘Uncle has written to Miss Sloane every day,’ said Aubrey. ‘I saw the pile of letters on Aunt Matty’s desk.’
‘Really, little boy, I don’t know what to say to that. I hope they remained in a pile; I am sure they did; but even then I don’t know what has become of my training.’
‘I don’t think she writes to him as often,’ said Mark. ‘I took their letters to the post one day, and there was not one from her to him.’
‘My dear boys, what has come to you? I suppose you must have your little curiosities, but this goes too far. People must have their private lives and you must leave them. In some ways convention is a good thing. Mark, you are too old not to be quite certain about it.’
‘It is a wonder that the young are not worse than they are, when everything is condoned in them,’ said Clement. ‘We do all we can to prevent their improvement.’
‘Do you think Clement is softened lately, Justine?’ said Aubrey.
‘He has been more at home,’ said Mark. ‘I hoped, Justine, that our combined influence might do something for him. And I am not wholly disappointed.’
‘Don’t talk nonsense. It will only end in a quarrel. And one thing I want to say. When Uncle comes back and meets Miss Sloane, don’t all stand round in a circle, gaping at them. Let them have their moment.’
‘I do not remember grouping ourselves in that manner or with that self-indulgence. It was not a conscious effect.’
‘Well, you know what I mean. Anyhow you all seem to know a good deal. Talk about the curiosity of women! I seem to have much the least. Keep away and allow them their first hour. I expect even Father will do that. And it will be more to him, a foretaste of the time when he will be deserted. For that is what I fear he will feel in spite of his children. Dear, dear, I hardly dare to look at the future.’
Edgar did not do as his daughter foretold. He met his brother, standing at Maria’s side, and shook hands with his eyes on his face, as if he felt it was his duty to meet his eyes. Dudley took a step towards them, but stopped short, warned by some instinct that things were not as they had been. He drew back and waited for them to speak, feeling with his natural swiftness that this imposed on them the most demand and gave him the fullest chance. Maria’s letters came to him, and he saw in a flash that this was not how she wrote. He waited to hear that she wanted release and had enlisted his brother’s support. What he heard was always to return to his mind, each word sharp and heavy with all its meaning.
‘Dudley, I must say what I must. Everything comes from me. You must hear it from my lips. Maria wishes to be released from you and has consented to marry me. We would not continue in a lie to you for a day. I cannot ask you to wish us happiness, but I can hardly believe, with my knowledge of you, that you will not wish it. And I can say that I wished it to you, when it seemed that things were to be with me as they are with you.’
Dudley looked at his brother with motionless eyes, and in an instant recovered himself and met the moment, seeming to himself to act a part over unrealized feeling.
‘So I am to be a hero. Well, it will suit me better than it would most people, much better than you, Edgar. I see how unheroic you are. And I return to my life of living for others. I don’t think that they have really liked my doing anything else. And I see that it is nicer for them. And I shall keep you both instead of giving up one for the other. I expect that is what you have been saying, it sounds an improvement, but I shall not let you think it is. I must have some revenge for being put in this position. I shall look so foolish, standing aside in simple renunciation.’
‘You will indeed keep us both,’ said Edgar, in so low a voice that he seemed to feel it unfitting that he should speak.
‘I ought to have thought of this myself. It would have come better from me. It does not come at all well from you, Edgar. I wish I could have the credit of suggesting it. I suppose I can’t have it? We can’t pretend that it did come from me?’
‘It did in a way, Dudley. You gave us so full a share of each other.’
Dudley recoiled but in a moment went on.
‘And you have both taken a larger share than I meant. That is the worst of kindness; people take advantage of it. You really have done so. It will give me a great hold on you both.’
His words, and his voice more than his words, laid a spell on his hearers and kept them still. Maria did not speak. She had nothing to say, nothing to add to what Edgar had said. Dudley looked at her, aloof and silent, and over his tumult of feeling continued to speak. He felt that he must get through the minutes, get them behind, that he must meet his brother’s children and break the truth, before he went away alone to face the years. He could not face them with anything more upon him.