‘Does Maria mind smoke?’ said Dudley, knowing that she did not mind, knowing little of what he said.
‘No, not at all. I am used to it.’
‘I do not smoke; I never have; I get the cigars for Edgar.’
‘I could not afford them for myself,’ said Edgar.
‘I must give you some as a present,’ said his wife, feeling at once that the words would have been better unsaid.
Dudley looked at her and met her eyes, and in a moment they seemed to be ranged on opposite sides, contending for Edgar. Edgar sat in a distress he could not name, moving his strong, helpless hands as if seeking some hold.
‘They come from some foreign place,’ said Maria, taking up the box. ‘We shall have to depend on Dudley for them.’
Dudley lifted eyes which looked as if he were springing from his place, but held himself still. The silence held, grew, swelled to some great, nameless thing, which seemed to fill the space between them and press on their hearing and their sight. Edgar rose and showed by his rapid utterance as well as by his words how he was shaken out of himself.
‘What is this, Dudley? We cannot go on like this. We should not be able to breathe. What is it between us? It is not fair to give me everything, and then turn on me as an enemy.’
‘Not fair to give you everything?’ said Dudley, rising to bring his eyes to the level of his brother’s. ‘Do you think it is fair? Does it sound fair as you say it? For one person to do that to another? For the other person to take it? Or do you take it all, as you always have, you who know how to do nothing else? And turn on you as an enemy? What have you been to me but that? If you have never thought, think now.’
‘So it has come to this, Dudley. It has all been this. This has been before us, and so between us, all our lives. You have given me nothing. You wanted to have me in your hands in return. No one can give really, not even you; not even you, Dudley. I shall not think that any more of you. You are not different. Why did you let me think you were? I would not have minded; I could have taken you as you were; I did not want anything from you. And now I have lost my brother, whom I need not have lost if I had known.’
Edgar turned his face aside, and the simple movement, which Dudley knew was not acting, pierced him beyond his bearing and flung him forward. His pain and his brother’s, the reproach which he suffered in innocence and sacrifice, flooded his mind and blurred its thought.
‘You have lost your brother! Then know that you have lost him. Know that you speak the truth. You may be glad to be left with your wife, and I shall be glad to leave you. I shall be glad, Edgar. I have always been alone in your house, always in my heart. You had nothing to give. You have nothing. There is nothing in your nature. You did not care for Blanche. You do not care for your children. You have not cared for me. You have not even cared for yourself, and that has blinded us. May Maria deal with you as you are, and not as I have done.’
Maria stood apart, feeling she had nothing to do with the scene, that she must grope for its cause in a depth where different beings moved and breathed in a different air. The present seemed a surface scene, acted over a seething life, which had been calmed but never dead. She saw herself treading with care lest the surface break and release the hidden flood, felt that she learned at that moment how to do it, and would ever afterwards know. She did not turn to her husband, did not move or touch him. The tumult in his soul must die, the life behind him sink back into the depths, before they could meet on the level they were to know. She felt no sorrow that she had not shared that life, only pity that his experience had not found cover as hers had found.
Dudley went alone from his brother’s house, taking nothing with him but his purse and covering from the winter cold. He went, consciously empty of hand and of heart, almost triumphant in owning so little in the house that had been his home. As he passed Matty’s house, forming in his mind some plan for the night, he heard a sound of crying behind the hedge, which seemed to chime with his mood. He followed the sound, thinking to find some unfortunate who would make some appeal, and willing for the sense of being met as a succourer, and came upon Miss Griffin bent over the bushes in hopeless weeping. She raised her head and came forward at once, spreading her hands in abandonment to the open truth.
‘Miss Seaton has turned me out. I have been out here for some time. I haven’t anywhere to go, and I can’t stay here in the dark and cold. And I can’t go back.’ She looked round with eyes of fear, and something showed that it was Matty in relenting mood, with an offer of shelter, that she feared.
Dudley put his arm about her and walked on, leading her with him. She went without a word, taking her only course and trusting to his aid. Her short, quick, unequal steps, the steps of someone used to being on her feet, but not to walking out of doors, made no attempt to keep time or pace, and he saw with a pang how she might try the nerves of anyone in daily contact. The pang seemed to drive him forward as if in defiance of its warning.
‘You and I are both alone. People have not done well by us, and we have done too well by them. We should know how to treat each other. We will keep together and forget them. We had better be married, and then we need never part. We have both been cast out by those who should have served us better. We will see what we can do for ourselves.’
‘Oh, no, no,’ said Miss Griffin, in an almost ordinary tone, as if she hardly gave Dudley’s words their meaning. ‘Of course not. What a thing it would be! We could not alter it when it was done, and of course you would want to,’ Her voice was sympathetic, as if her words hardly concerned herself. ‘And what would people think? You can help me without that.’ The words stumbled for the first time. ‘If you want to help me, that is, of course.’
‘I was trying to serve myself,’ said Dudley, too lost in his own emotions to feel rebuff or relief. ‘I must serve you in some better way. You can think of one yourself. And now we must hurry on and get you under a roof.’
He walked to Sarah Middleton’s house, seeing his companion’s thinly covered feet and uncovered head, and the scanty shawl snatched from somewhere when she was driven into the cold. On the steps of the house she looked up to explain the truth, that he might know it and express it for her.
‘She came back from the house very early and very upset. I could hardly speak to her. Nothing I said was right. And she did not like it if I did not speak. It was no good to try to do anything. Nothing could have made any difference. Mr Seaton had gone to bed and we were alone. At last she flew into a rage and turned me out of doors. She said it drove her mad to see my face.’ Miss Griffin’s voice did not falter. She had felt to her limit and could not go beyond.
Dudley asked to see Sarah and told her the truth. She heard him in silence, with expressions of shock, eagerness, consternation, delight, and pity succeeding each other on her face. When at last she raised her hands, he knew that his task was done. He saw her hasten into the hall and bring the hands down on Miss Griffin’s shoulders. Her husband rose and put a chair for the guest, keeping his face to the exact expression for the action.
‘You will be safe, my dear; we will see that you are safe,’ said Sarah, showing that Miss Griffin was not the only person in her mind.
Miss Griffin parted from Dudley with eager thanks, and he saw her go in to food and fire with greater eagerness.
He left the house, feeling soothed and saner, and found himself imagining Sarah’s experience, if she had known his own solution for her guest. He went to the inn to get a bed for the night, indifferent to surprise or question, finding a sort of comfort in the familiar welcome. He slept as he had not slept since his brother’s engagement, the sense of suspense and waiting leaving him at last. He found that his mind and emotions were cleared, and that his feeling for Edgar had taken its own place. He had been lost in the tumult of his own life, and the hour passed in another’s had done its work. Edgar stood in his heart above any other. The knowledge brought the relief of simplified emotion, but fed his anger with his brother, and confirmed his resolution to remain out of his life.