I laughed. “You’ve got jurisdiction? You two wouldn’t know your jurisdiction if it showed up here with a big, shiny name badge. You wouldn’t have a clue what to do with it if it came with a step-by-step instruction manual.”
“We don’t have to take that from garbage like you,” growled Lizard Neck.
“You’ll take that and more,” I snapped. “Just what is it you’re supposed to be doing?”
“We are the official department in charge of law enforcement in all of Heaven,” huffed Lizard Neck, trying to sit up tall in his chair.
“Yeah, all of Heaven,” puffed Frying Pan.
“Must be a pretty dramatic, life-or-death sort of occupation, this law enforcement in Heaven. Must keep you both right on your toes. All that violence out on the mean streets. The shoot-outs. The car chases. You boys are a couple of real heroes.”
The two cops looked at each other. Conducting interviews had clearly not been part of their officer training. Seeing as how they had no idea what to say next, I decided to help them out by continuing.
“Don’t try to pretend that either of you has any real purpose. Heaven needs a police force like a giraffe needs a pogo stick. You’re here for some other reason. It’s a reason that has very little to do with law enforcement and very much to do with keeping whatever secrets are hidden inside that mansion on the hill. If I had any doubts about that, the speed with which you arrived just now put them to rest. So what’s the real story? What do you really do?”
“What we really do is this,” said Lizard Neck, standing up and walking towards me. “We take nosy punks that should know better and keep them closely looked after so they can’t go causing trouble for other people.”
Both cops then grabbed me again and threw me into a holding cell. As Frying Pan struggled to figure out how to lock it, Lizard Neck looked at me contemptuously.
“Because, despite what you might think, we actually do have plenty of stuff to do,” he said. “And we can’t go wasting our time with worthless trash like you.”
“I bet you’ve got plenty of stuff to do. Is there a holdup at the First National Bank of Heaven? Or perhaps you’ve got a kidnapping to investigate?” I said the last bit especially loudly, but I didn’t get a chance to see a reaction. Frying Pan finally figured out how the lock worked, and at that exact moment, the door slammed with a clang.
* * *
I don’t know how long I spent in the cell. To be honest, it wasn’t that uncomfortable. There was even a bed made up with soft sheets and plush pillows. I felt pretty certain I was the first person to have taken advantage of these lodgings. So I lay back, relaxed, and considered my surroundings.
The whole thing was highly peculiar. It was one thing for Sally to set up a police force just to help her keep her secrets to herself, but what was the point of this place? Why construct such an elaborately detailed police headquarters? Even in this cell, the walls were lined with wood paneling, while the floor was an intricate arrangement of parquetry. Surely the decor wasn’t for the benefit of the current occupants. A couple of goons like Lizard Neck and Frying Pan could have been easily housed in a stable.
Then again, at this particular moment there seemed to be far more important things to worry about—such as, who was the man in Sally’s house? And where did that stairway down which he’d disappeared lead? And would Frying Pan be able to figure out how to unlock the cell door again? I wasn’t sure I would like the answers to any of those questions.
Some hours later, after a long series of scuffling noises outside, the door did open. Frying Pan stood there, looking like a schoolboy who’d just gotten a scolding. He motioned me out. I was more than happy to oblige him.
Lizard Neck was standing by the desk, a telephone in his hand. He looked like he’d gotten a thrashing on top of the scolding.
“Okay, Clarenden,” he said, “I don’t understand how, but apparently you’ve got friends in high places. You’re to be released right away.”
I thanked both policemen for their kind hospitality and walked calmly to the door. Before I managed to exit the place, Lizard Neck had some parting words.
“Just remember this, Clarenden. You might have friends, but we’re still the law.”
“Yeah,” added Frying Pan. “So you better not mess with us again.”
“Gentlemen,” I said, “you can count on it.” Then I left. It felt good putting distance between myself and the police station. Any cop house, even an ersatz luxury one, is no place to spend the night.
* * *
It was evening as I trudged back towards my place. As I approached, I noticed a light just outside my front door. This was odd, as I didn’t recall a streetlamp being there before. As I got closer, I realised it wasn’t a streetlamp. It was a person who shined in the gathering darkness. Obviously, this was no ordinary person. It was an angel, and the name of this particular angel was Jessie.
“Good evening to you, Angel,” I said. “To what do I owe the pleasure of a second visit in two days?”
“I have something for you,” she said softly, glancing around to check that we were the only ones on the street. Assured that there were no observers, she reached under her robe and handed me a small bottle. It was the Holy Grail; manna from Heaven; nectar of the gods. The label on the bottle said Gold Star Premium Bourbon.
I looked lovingly at the gift cradled in my hands. “I am your servant and your slave,” I said. “Whatever you want from me, I am yours to command.”
She almost smiled at that. “Can we go inside?”
“After you.” I opened the door for her.
As she passed through, I couldn’t stop myself from taking one quick nip from the bottle. The alcohol stroked the back of my throat, then dived down into my stomach where it lit a bonfire that radiated through my body. Suitably reinvigorated, I followed her in.
I ushered Jessie into the kitchen and pulled out two glasses from a cabinet. While I was pouring, I looked up at her and realised she was shaking.
“Angel, what’s the matter?”
She looked at me with wide eyes. “It’s Raphael. He’s gone.”
“Gone?”
“Gone. Disappeared.”
I put the bottle down. “Do you know what happened?”
“Nobody does. His place has been ransacked.”
“Who could have done something like this? Do you have any idea?”
She half nodded and half shook her head. Tears were beginning to well in her eyes.
“You must tell me, Angel,” I insisted. “Could it have anything to do with Sally and a tall man in a dark suit?”
“What do you mean?” she said. If her eyes were wide before, they were now like two full moons staring out of her face.
I quickly told her about my encounter with Sally. When I finished, I looked at her. She wasn’t scared any more. She was now absolutely terrified. She let out one short, strangled moan. And then she fell senseless into my arms.
Chapter 8
I PICKED JESSIE UPAND CARRIED HER into the bedroom. I placed her on the bed and then lay beside her. She didn’t say anything, but she grabbed hold of me and clung on for dear life. Her breath came in gasps, and her whole body shook like a chandelier in a thunderstorm.
After a short time, she seemed to relax. Her trembling ceased and her breathing became more regular. She still clutched on to me, but there was a new urgency to her grasp. Her face came close. Her eyes were closed as her lips sought mine.
I untied her robe and lifted it off her. For a seemingly lightweight garment, it felt surprisingly heavy as I tossed it onto the floor. But I had other things on my mind as Jessie wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her. For the next hour, I finally felt like I really was in Heaven. She might have been an angel but . . . I think you can guess the rest.