“Looks like there’s a slight roll to this table,” I said. “So how about you tell me a little more about life in Hell. Is this what eternal punishment is all about? Miserable weather, drinks that taste like excrement . . . ” I paused to take my next shot. “ . . . And pool tables with strange ideas about the laws of physics?” I added as I allowed for the roll and missed far off to the left.
“Nah, that’s just for leisure. Most of our time is supposed to be spent working.” Bully helped himself to more drink and then missed his next shot to the right again.
“What sort of work?” I asked as I sent the white ball spinning into the side pocket.
“Can’t speak for everybody here, but I’ve been put on garbage collection.” Bully retrieved the ball and then promptly sent it into the pocket on the other side.
I took the white ball out of the pocket, gave my mouth and throat a quick alcoholic lubrication, and made a shot that hit every ball except the one I was aiming at. “You haven’t been doing much of a job. The streets here are filthy.”
“Of course the streets here are filthy,” said Bully, striking the ball so hard that it bounced off the table and into a woman’s drink. “This is Hell. We’re not supposed to pick up the garbage here. We do it in Heaven.”
My ears suddenly leapt off my head. I waited for them to come down and reattach themselves before I continued. “You collect the garbage in Heaven?”
“That’s right,” said Bully, trying to brush off the profuse apologies of the woman with the ball in her drink. “Every night, we go up into Heaven and make sure it’s completely free of litter. Well, you wouldn’t expect the people in Heaven to have to do it, would you?”
“So that’s how things work,” I muttered, feeling like a tiny bit of a much bigger picture had just been unveiled. “You spend your life making a mess of things, then you spend your afterlife cleaning messes up. I suppose there’s some sort of justice there.”
“I suppose so. I used to say my job was taking out the trash, but now my job really is taking out the trash.” Bully paused, possibly overwhelmed by the complexity of his statement. Luckily, he found a simple remedy. “How about you give me more of that drink.”
I passed the bottle and then put the cue on the table. My interest in our game of pool had waned. “So shouldn’t you be in Heaven cleaning up right now?”
“Yeah, I should. Except right now we’re on strike.”
“On strike?”
“For shorter hours and better conditions. I dunno much about it because I’m only starting out, but from what I hear, there’s some new people that just took over the garbage collection operation. They’ve increased the hours we work and the quotas for the amount of rubbish we have to collect each night. So we’re striking in protest, and let me tell you, Jimmy, I’m all for it. Just because I lived a life of violence and bloodshed doesn’t mean I should have to put up with that.”
“Do you know who these people are that took over the operation?” I asked.
“No idea,” he replied. “You know me. I just do what I’m told, no questions asked. Now are we going to finish this game or not?”
I looked at the table. The only ball that had gone near any of the pockets was the white one. “I really don’t see any point.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” said Bully. “Anyway, this dump is dead. I think it’s time you and me split. I know a rocking little place around the corner. If we’re quick enough, we may still be able to catch some action.”
“I think I’ve had enough action for one day, Bully. I need a rest.”
“Okay, suit yourself.”
We walked back through another quickly-cleared path towards the door. As we left the club, I couldn’t help noticing the band finally returning to the stage.
Back out in the street, Bully turned to me, handed back the bottle, and grinned.
“It was good to see you again, Jimmy. And thanks for the drink. I hope the information I gave you was helpful.”
“So do I, Bully,” I said. “So do I.”
“So, I guess I’ll see you round.”
“I can’t make any promises.”
“Well, good luck anyway.” He turned and began walking quickly up the street.
“Good luck to you too, Bully,” I said. It felt strange wishing good luck to the guy who had shot me down. But I guess when you share a drink and shoot some pool with them afterwards, it puts everything into a different perspective.
I began walking the other way, pondering the new information I’d received. They say dead men tell no tales, but Bully had told me plenty. After our conversation, the plot hadn’t just thickened—it had congealed. I needed a place where I could think in peace, but more importantly, I needed somewhere I could sleep. It had been a long day and I was absolutely exhausted.
My plan was to return to the warehouse at the end of the alley where I’d first arrived, so I could have a brief lie-down on the mattress Jessie had left behind. Unfortunately, there turned out to be so many dark side alleys that finding the right one was virtually impossible. After a while, I gave up trying and decided that the first unlocked door I could find would provide sufficient sanctuary.
I turned into the next alley, but I hadn’t taken more than a couple of steps before I began to get that feeling when you know you aren’t alone. I turned to see a large shadow blocking the end of the alley. From out of the shadow, a voice hissed.
“This is what happens to people who stick their noses in places they don’t belong.”
The shadow split into five smaller but still significant shadows. Closer and closer they advanced, rapidly cutting off all of my light. For a fraction of a second, there was pain, and then my whole world became nothing but a shadow.
Chapter 13
I WOKE UP. I WAS LYING ON A HARD BED, with a head that felt as if it had recently become acquainted with a very large rock. Too weak to even consider opening my eyes, the most I could manage was to let out a low groan.
“Just try to relax,” said a voice I had no trouble recognising. It was a soothing melody, a soft light in the heavy darkness.
“Angel,” I said. “Am I back in Heaven?”
Jessie laughed. A bitter, mirthless laugh. “Open your eyes and tell me if this looks like Heaven.”
I opened my eyes. I was in a small room. The walls initially appeared to be covered with brown, patterned wallpaper, but a closer inspection revealed that it was actually a swirling mix of grot and grime. Tatty olive carpet covered the floor, and the only furniture apart from the bed I was lying on were a table and a couple of chairs that looked as if they’d been carefully crafted from scrap timber and splinters. Jessie stood beside the table, a joyless smile on her face.
“This isn’t Heaven,” I said.
Jessie shook her head.
“I’m still in Hell.”
Jessie nodded. “I found you lying face down in an alley and I brought you here. What happened to you?”
“I’ve been spending my time getting to know the locals, but it seems they’re not so keen on getting to know me.”
Jessie sighed. “I tried to warn you, Jimmy. I tried to let you know that Hell is worse than you could have possibly imagined. How do you feel?”
“As good as anyone would feel if they’d just received a back massage from a steamroller. But why are you here? You’re not telling me that—”
“Yes, I’m afraid I am. Sally discovered who I was and made sure everybody in Heaven knew about it. So I’ve been sent back here to serve my penance.”
“I’m really sorry,” I said, feeling uncomfortably like someone trying to cheer up a friend after their grandmother died.