Sailing toward Europe, Fritz knew that he had already crossed the line in his opposition to the Nazi regime. In Cape Town, he had committed his first illegal act: He had agreed to forge some passports at a friend’s request, to save some anti-Nazi refugees from Germany. This friend may have been Toni Singer, an engineer of Austrian origin, a company head, and member of a Masonic lodge. Thanks to him, Fritz had penetrated the secret society a bit and had begun, clandestinely, his personal initiation. He had particularly appreciated the idea that man had to reform himself before attempting to reform the world. Self-improvement should be intellectual as well as physical. “Only mastery of the body opens up the fullness of being,” according to a Masonic precept to which Fritz fully subscribed.
Fritz realized, on the ship taking him back to Germany, how estranged he had become from his own country. He was incapable of mixing with the German passengers, some of whom were noisily celebrating the losses inflicted on the British by the U-boats and singing: “Today Germany belongs to us / And tomorrow the entire world.” Alone in his cabin, frequently nauseated because of the stormy sea, he thought that there was perhaps already a Gestapo file with his name on it, like those he had personally handled in the Cape Town consulate (“unreliable element, to be watched, regularly socializes with Jews and Freemasons”). In Berlin, he would be forgiven not a single false move. In the best case, he risked being sent to the front. Fortunately, he was appreciated. The invaluable protection of Rudolf Leitner must not fail him. But Fritz was weary of pretending in order to avoid trouble.
There could be no question of fighting against the Nazis. During his preceding stay in the capital of the Reich in 1936 and 1937, he had seen up close the cost of protesting the regime: One of his friends had lost his job with the Berlin city government, two others had been sentenced to two and three years in a concentration camp, another, arrested for “illicit possession of printing material,” had committed suicide after being tortured. So many others, whose names he did not know, had disappeared into the camps.
At the same time Fritz knew that it was always possible to “do a little something” in silence and anonymity, as other Germans were doing here and there, each one according to his means. All things considered, it was perhaps better to stay in Berlin and have a foot inside the system rather than choose exile and observe events from the outside. He had spent a little time with German émigré circles in South Africa and had soon wearied of their interminable discussions and their contagious bitterness. But up to what point could he fulfill his obligations as a government official without selling his soul?
To give himself courage, Fritz recalled an expression that he had heard somewhere, although he could not remember exactly where: “Life is not like the game of chess. There are not only black and white pieces. There are gray figures, solitary knights, and equivocal characters who never get caught.”
Berlin, November 1939
At seven-thirty in the morning, on November 9, 1939, Fritz Kolbe took up his duties at the ministry. He walked shivering through the capital, a harsh winter looming, and was surprised to observe that life seemed to be going on more or less normally, though the silence on the streets of Berlin was eerie. Shortages, particularly of coal, were beginning to make themselves felt, but there was plenty of bread and potatoes, and people were dressed normally. The Nazi leaders seemed to have prepared well for their war. Submarines were engaged in a violent but distant Kriegsspiel along the British coasts and in the North Atlantic, but Berlin felt rather far from events.
What had changed in Berlin was the color of the city. Apartments and offices were perpetually plunged in darkness. It was now mandatory to cover windows with dark paper in case of enemy bombardment, even if English planes were not flying over the capital and were merely dropping leaflets over the Ruhr. Even by day, windows remained covered. Headlights of buses and automobiles were darkened with black paint except for a one-by-five-centimeter slit. “Darkening” was the key directive in wartime. Posters stuck up everywhere indicated that whoever did not obey the orders to “darken” was subject to severe penalties. Because of the literal darkness, household injuries were on the rise (objects dropped on feet, heads banging against doorways, and so on). The present and the future were also shrouded in absolute obscurity. Everything was done to prevent information from circulating. No one had the right to listen to foreign radio stations (in this case too, offenders were subject to long prison terms). The war could not be seen, but could be listened to in secret. People strained their ears to catch scraps of the BBC’s German language broadcasts.
There was no way to escape from the ubiquitous propaganda. The walls were covered with pro-war slogans. “The day when proud Albion collapses will be a day of joy for us,” were the first German words to greet Fritz Kolbe at the border, on the train trip from Antwerp to Berlin. New expressions had appeared in everyday speech: Fritz quickly learned that the male population was divided into those with a “u. k. post” (unavailable to the army) and those who were considered “k. v.” (available). He hoped with all his heart that he would be considered “u. k.”: these two letters were for him the initials of happiness.
Going to the office, Fritz did not yet know what his new assignment would be. He was a little apprehensive about the meeting that soon awaited him with the head of personnel of the Foreign Ministry. Going through Pariser Platz, across from the American embassy, he looked up at the roof of the Adlon Hotel, where an antiaircraft battery had been set up. With his head in the air, he almost collided with a group of passersby having an animated discussion. He caught a few scraps of the conversation: “attempt against the führer,” “Munich,” “hall.” He knew nothing more when he went in at Wilhelmstrasse 76, one of the three entrances to the Foreign Ministry.
One of Fritz’s colleagues, encountered by chance in a corridor, quickly brought him up to date. The night before in Munich, a bomb had exploded in the beer hall where the führer had given a speech every year to commemorate the failed putsch of 1923. Seven were dead and sixty wounded. But, contrary to his usual pattern, Hitler had left the room a little earlier than planned. The bomb had exploded at 9:20, only thirteen minutes after he had left.
At the ministry, as everywhere else, the attack was all that was talked about. The flags were at half-staff. There was word of a march in Munich in honor of the seven people killed in the attack. Radio programs were frequently interrupted by special bulletins. The nasal voice of Goebbels commented on the event on the spot and presented the official version of the facts: “Unquestionably, this ignoble act, probably committed by German traitors, bears the signature of the British secret services.”
Lost in thought, Fritz wandered through the corridors of the ministry. His eyes went wide when he saw at a distance a junior minister in a dark blue uniform covered with stripes and gold buttons, and wearing a ceremonial dagger on his belt. Aside from that odd surprise (“you’d think we were in an operetta,” Fritz said to himself), nothing had changed since 1937. He glanced into the dreary offices of the Foreign Ministry, and found them as dilapidated and underequipped as when he left—still the same brass lamps with green shades, old oil lamps remodeled into electric ones; the same worn carpets on the floor; the same musty odor of old documents—and yet something had changed, an apparently very minor detaiclass="underline" the typewriters had been replaced. They now had a new key so you could type “SS” in Gothic script.