‘Hey, Connor, it’s me,’ I said to his mailbox. ‘Call me when you wake up. Please.’
I threw the phone on my bed and looked around my room. Miranda hadn’t picked up the Sunday papers yet so there was no crossword to do. But I could play Scrabble against the computer or do a jigsaw or read a book.
I went down to the living room and chose a jigsaw from the games box. I cleared the coffee table and began to sort through the box looking for corner pieces and edges. I heard Travis slam the front door and then the deep growl of his car engine rumbling to life. In the kitchen I could hear the crashing of plates as Miranda washed up the breakfast dishes.
At ten o’clock Miranda popped her head round the door to tell me she was going to Marks & Spencer.
‘Do you want to come along?’ she asked. ‘We could get elevenses.’
I shook my head. ‘I’ll just stay here. I’ll go to the beach later.’
Miranda shuffled around with her jacket and keys in the hall and then I heard the door slam.
Silence.
Our house in Penpol Cove was only a half mile from the sea, but it was just far enough inland not to be plagued with the shriek of seagulls. The only cars that ever drove past our house were our neighbours on their way to work on weekday mornings and on their way home on weekday afternoons. I hadn’t realised how quiet the days could be in Penpol Cove. Outside, just the hum of a distant lawnmower. Inside, just the quiet, rhythmic ticking of the clock.
I tried Connor again. Straight to voicemail. Surely he was awake by now. I left another message asking him to call.
I looked back at my half-completed jigsaw and with a sweep of my arm, flung the pieces to the floor. Why the hell was I doing a jigsaw?
Until Ryan came along, my life had been timid, like a mouse scurrying amid the long grass. I’d hidden safely in the quiet routines of school and home, filling the empty hours with jigsaws and chess and crossword puzzles. My dreams had been small – studying A levels at the local college, learning to drive – and my expectations low. Falling in love had changed everything. The ground had been torn up from under my feet and I felt like I had been grabbed from the sanctuary of a summer lawn and hurled into the jungle. My old life seemed like a whisper in the face of a roar.
I couldn’t live my old life any more. I picked up the pieces and shoved them back in the box.
I called Connor’s house phone. Mrs Penrose picked up.
‘Hello, Eden, did you have a lovely time at the ball?’ She didn’t give me a chance to answer. ‘What time did you get home? Connor rolled in around three in the morning.’
‘I was home just after midnight.’
‘Very sensible. I’m just taking the phone up to him now. Connor?’ I heard her knock on his door. ‘It’s Eden.’
I heard Connor grunt something at his mother. ‘What?’
‘Hey, Connor. I tried you on your mobile but I guess the battery’s dead.’
‘Hmm.’
‘Look, I’m sorry about last night. I don’t know why I behaved that way.’
‘Whatever.’
‘So, what’s the plan? Are we going to the beach?’
‘I dunno.’
‘Shall I come to yours? We can decide when I get there.’
Connor said nothing for a few seconds. I could hear him breathing down the phone.
‘Connor?’
‘Look, Eden. I’m busy today. I’ll call you later in the week, OK?’
‘Connor,’ I began, but he’d already hung up.
So he hadn’t forgiven me yet. I knew he’d be mad with me, but I’d expected him to give me the chance to explain. I called Megan.
‘Hi, Eden,’ she said wearily.
‘Did I wake you up?’
‘No, I’ve been awake for a while.’
I lay back on the living room carpet. ‘Did you have a good time last night?’
‘Brilliant. The best night of my life.’
I shut my eyes. At least Megan wasn’t holding a grudge. ‘I’m so glad. Look, I’m sorry about my meltdown last night.’
‘You were really strange,’ said Megan.
‘Too much vodka combined with a mixture of excitement and sadness,’ I said. ‘It’s well known to cause bizarre behaviour in susceptible individuals.’
‘I didn’t know you were drinking.’
‘Oh, yeah. I had quite a bit. I think I must have made a fool of myself.’
‘To be honest, I was worried that you didn’t like me and Connor hooking up. I thought perhaps it might be an issue?’
‘It’s not remotely an issue,’ I said. ‘I think it’s great the two of you got together.’
‘What time did Ryan leave?’
‘Midnight. They wanted to take advantage of the empty roads.’
‘Are they flying out of Heathrow?’
‘I think so.’
‘Has he called you today?’
‘No. We’re not going to stay in touch. Neither of us believes in long-distance relationships. They never work out.’
‘Really? Why? The world is getting smaller all the time, Eden.’
‘This is for the best.’
She sighed. ‘You’re probably right. You were never more than friends, were you?’
‘No,’ I said. There was no point in telling her we had kissed. She would probably try to persuade me that we must keep in touch.
‘I’d better go,’ said Megan. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow, OK?’
‘Don’t you want to do anything today?’
‘Well, the thing is,’ she said. ‘I’m kind of spending the day with Connor.’
‘Right. I see,’ I said. ‘I’ll call you tomorrow.’
I hit the end call button. So this was the way things were going to be now that Megan and Connor were a couple. I didn’t think I could stand it. Not only was Ryan gone, but I was stuck in a silent house on my own while my best friends hung out together without me.
Dusk was still several hours away, but the sky was already darkening. The wind blew wildly and the sun was obscured behind the low, glowering storm clouds gathering in the west. I pulled my hoodie over my dress, slipped the key to my car and the key to the farmhouse in my pocket, and headed down the lane.
I’d hoped being with Connor and Megan would help take my mind off Ryan; with neither of them available, Ryan was all I could think about. His name was like a charm. Ryan. Two syllables, like a heartbeat. Orion. Three syllables, like ‘I love you.’
I paused at the entrance to the farmhouse. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t come down here yet, but I needed to link with Ryan in some way. This was the only place I knew for sure he would visit, the only place where we might be separated, not by space, but just by time. I wanted to sit under our apple tree and feel him nearby, in the future.
My sandals crunched over the gravel. The lawn was still neatly cut. The silver car was parked in the driveway. Maybe I would give myself a driving lesson later. I walked across the lawn to the apple tree and sat beside it. We had planted it well. Although its trunk bent in the wind, it was going nowhere. I hugged myself. It was too cold to enjoy sitting outside.
It was strange, unlocking the door to the farmhouse and just going inside. Walking into the kitchen, I could still smell the coffee from the night before. The table and chair were just as I’d left them. The floor had been swept clean. I opened the cupboard where they kept the mugs. All of them were still there, stacked higgledy-piggledy on top of each other. I’m not sure what I expected. When Ryan said they’d cleaned out the farmhouse, I’d assumed they’d have got rid of everything. I checked the fridge. It had been cleaned out and turned off, but there were a few bottles of beer left inside.
I went across to the living room. All the books that had been on the bookshelf were gone. So was the television. The coffee table and the sofa remained. I tried the light switch. Nothing. So they’d had the electricity disconnected.