The town of Mechanicsburg sits atop a land honeycombed with caverns and lava tubes. It is famous among Europa’s spelunking community as it offers a wide range of expeditions ranging from the simple all the way up to the insanely dangerous Class Five, which requires breathing apparatus, submersible gear, a demonstrated proficiency in at least two weapon types, a signed and notarized indemnification release, and a registered copy of one’s last will and testament. (If you are familiar with Europa’s spelunking community, it will come as no surprise that Class Five expeditions are perennially booked up a year and a half in advance, so reserve your spot as soon as possible!)
Lest this put off the curious amateur, let us reassure you that the sights and sounds that can be experienced on the Beginner’s Tour are unique and well worth the laughably small chance of being attacked by bloodbats.
In addition to their natural wonders, the subterranean levels of the area have long been home to assorted servitors and creations of the Heterodynes. These colorful denizens of “Under Town” are always good for an exciting story about “the old days,” and are renowned for their handicrafts and the various species of exotic fungi they cultivate, which are available for sale or trade. (It is only a statistically insignificant number of unlucky visitors that are chosen for the quaint local ritual known as the Surface Tithe, and those who survive to witness it call it “an unforgettable treat that gave us a new appreciation of life”—Professor Strout’s Guide to Roadside Scientific Atrocities.)
Highlights on the Beginner’s Tour also include the Snail Plantations, the Cursed Springs, the Ruins of the Subterranean Empire, and the Cavern of Transmutating Elements.
Expeditions may be booked through any number of Deep Delving Shops. We recommend Lindenbrook’s Subterranean Adventures, located on Heterodyne Square.
—One Thousand and One Things To Do In Mechanicsburg/ It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time Press.
Dr. Sun gave the coded knock and opened the door to the Baron’s sickroom. He had been handed the usual stack of papers as he passed through the halls. He frowned as he examined them.
“Klaus? What is this nonsense I hear—” A muffled sound made him look up. Bangladesh DuPree glared at him. She was chained to the foot of Klaus’s bed, which was otherwise empty. Sun’s eyes darted around the room. Assorted bits of important medical equipment were missing, as was his patient. His eyes went back to the papers in his hand. Realization dawned. “He wouldn’t,” he whispered.
Less than two minutes later, he erupted from the doorway to one of the inner courtyards, scattering a crowd of nervous orderlies. “Of course he would!” he muttered.
Sun paused and straightened up. Center. Focus. Breath like a fern unfolding. You are the lynchpin of your House. Show no stress.
Striding across the lawn was a large clank—the kind normally used for transporting supplies or dealing with dangerous constructs. Now, ensconced behind the two trained nurse pilots, Sun could see that Klaus had installed a bank of medical equipment, as well as his actual hospital bed. An I.V. bag swayed above him as the colossus strode about the manicured walkways, on what was obviously a test run.
“Klaus!” Sun screamed.
From above, the ruler of Europa paused and peered down at him. “What?” He asked innocently.
Sun realized that he was actually jumping up and down in rage. This only served to make him madder. “Are you trying to kill yourself? Or me? You are on strict bed rest!”
“Well, of course,” Klaus said reasonably. One of the walker’s giant manipulators waved at Sun. “That’s why I made sure to recalibrate the controls to respond to minimal hand movements.”
Sun again shrieked with rage and began furiously kicking at one of the giant legs. A few of the orderlies noted with fascination that the industrial grade metal was denting under the onslaught. “That is not the point! After what happened last time, you promised you’d let me do my job!”
A giant hand gently scooped the old man up and brought him close to the operator’s cupola. “Unless it was an emergency. This is an emergency.”
Sun waved his hands in the air. “You always say that! It’s always an emergency!”
Klaus ignored this. “The Other is alive and here in Mechanicsburg. The Empire is being attacked. Hostile forces are still within the walls of the town, and my son is nowhere to be found.”
Sun took a deep breath and folded his arms together. “So you’re going to handle it all personally? Being a successful emperor means being able to delegate authority! Occasionally, you must let other people do things for you!”
Klaus rolled his eyes. “I know that. But there are some things that only I can do.”
“Like what?”
“Like fight a war.”
Sun raised his fists to the heavens. “You are a terrible emperor!” When he looked back at Klaus, Sun’s eyes were filled with an icy rage. “And a terrible patient!” Methodically, he began tying back his long flowing sleeves. “I should have had guards upon your guards. I see that now. Obviously I must take a page from your book and do everything myself.” He took a deep breath and went still.
For the first time, Klaus began to look nervous. A giant metal finger gently poked Sun on the shoulder. The old man began to look positively serene. Sweat appeared on Klaus’s brow.
Suddenly, a shouted voice caught their attention. “Grandfather! Stop making yourself the center of everything!”
Sun frowned and peered down. He saw a slim young woman in a green silk version of the hospital uniform striding towards him,42 followed by Captain Vole. “You are needed in surgery,” she declared.
Klaus wisely said nothing and smoothly deposited Sun onto the ground. “What has happened now?”
Daiyu pointed. “This miserable creature—”
Vole interrupted her. “On orders from Master Gilgamesh, Hy haff brought hyu de leader ov dose var schtompers. He iz in need uv medical attention.”
Sun sniffed. “I will be the judge of that. Where is he?”
Soundlessly, Vole reached into a stained canvas sack and pulled forth the surprised-looking head of General Rudolf Selnikov.
Sun blinked and harrumphed. “Yes. Well…tricky, certainly, but I’ve seen worse. Let’s get him prepped.”
The Baron interrupted before they could leave. “Vole!”
The Jäger paused and then made to hand the head off to the older man.
Sun waved a hand at his granddaughter, who gave a heavy sigh and snagged the head by its ear. They took off, with Sun bellowing for the orderlies to begin prepping one of his operating rooms. Those who knew him could see that he was looking forward to the challenge. At the entrance, he paused and whirled about—startling the Baron with a fiery glare. He pointed at Klaus and then at the hospital. The message was obvious. Then he spun back and strode into the building.
Klaus heaved a great sigh. Of course he would protect the Great Hospital. What was Sun thinking? He focused his attention on the Jäger waiting below. “Vole, where have you been?”
The Jäger looked indignant. “Dere vos a lot uv dead guys und busted machines to dig through! Dot’s not as much fun az it sounds like!
“Plus, Hy took some time to tok to sum uf de guards. Az Hy suspected, both of de Heterodyne gurls iz now in de Kessle.” He paused, and his next words were slower. “De second gurl, de vun Hy vas sent to get, she iz der real ting. Hy ken tell,” he said defensively, although Klaus had said nothing. “De Kessle vill listen to her, if it vill listen to ennyboddy.”
“That’s not good, Captain.” The idea of Lucrezia in possession of an even marginally functional Castle Heterodyne? Klaus grimaced. “No, I don’t like that at all.” He leaned forward, “Now enough of your evasions, where is my son?”