Someday, she promised herself, someday I am going to love him in a moment that isn’t stolen.
“Are you all right?” he asked once they were inside, where it was lit enough that he could look at her.
He reached out, and she knew that if he touched her, he’d use his resonance and realise her hands had been recently injured, so she caught his hand in hers, curling his fingers closed and clasping it against her chest.
“Yes.” She nodded. “Now I’m all right.”
He stared at her, and she knew she looked tired, thin, and so sallow from being always indoors with little natural light. The bombing had broken most of the windows, and even the few that survived were boarded up and sealed in case the wind brought the nullium towards Headquarters again.
“I should have called you sooner.” His thumb traced along her cheekbone.
She shook her head. “It wouldn’t have been worth the risk. It’s dangerous for you to fly so near like that. Someone could shoot you with obsidian.” A tremor ran through her just saying it aloud. “We shouldn’t be doing this. It’s stupid to take this risk.”
She was suddenly struggling to breathe. He pulled his hand free and then held her head in both his hands, as if trying to quiet her mind for her.
“We’re safe here,” he said.
For now. For this moment.
But not really. Not ever.
Still she nodded, trying to believe it, not wanting to poison what little time they had left. She rose up on her toes, kissing him, pulling his arms around her.
Don’t let this be the last time.
She didn’t close her eyes. She kept them open and watching him, trying to notice every detail. She wanted to commit everything to memory, the way he felt under her hands and against her skin, as if sufficient detail could make this secret thing real enough to endure; as if she could write it into the universe so deeply that even a war could not erase it.
Afterwards, he gathered her against his chest, chin resting on the top of her head as his fingers drew patterns across her skin.
I’m going to take care of you. I’m always going to take care of you.
He didn’t say it audibly, but she could hear it in the shifting of the air, the way his jaw moved when he mouthed the words.
She’d hoped to sleep, to experience one last hour of peace, but she was too afraid. When she sat up, Kaine’s quicksilver eyes were instantly guarded. She didn’t say anything for a moment, holding his hand in hers, studying his face, this aspect of him that was hers alone.
She entwined their fingers, trying to find the right words.
“Kaine,” she finally said, “there’s a chance—we’re hoping that this attack will be the end of the war. We don’t—we aren’t sure how much longer we’re going to last if it isn’t.”
His hand twitched.
“If it isn’t—” Her chest jerked, and she gave a tight, half-sobbed laugh. “—well, we’ll just keep fighting, then. But if it is … I—I don’t know what will happen to you. I’m sorry. I tried to find a way”—she looked down—“I couldn’t figure out—”
“It’s fine,” he said.
She shook her head. “Maybe if Morrough’s killed, your soul just goes back to you. We don’t know that it won’t. There’s a chance. Or maybe the Stone would be enough to—”
She was grasping, and they both knew it.
“It could,” she said insistently, squeezing his hand. “So, if that happens, if you’re all right when it’s over, you have to run. All right? Get away as fast as you can. Don’t let yourself be captured.”
His eyes narrowed. “Where will you be?”
Helena looked down, playing with the ring on his hand. It had been so long since she’d seen hers.
“You know me, I’ll be in the hospital. There will be a lot of injuries, so I wouldn’t be ready right away—so you just go, and I’ll catch up.”
He scoffed. “If I survive, I’m not going anywhere without you.”
She pressed her fingers to his lips, hushing him. “No. You can’t risk getting caught.”
He pushed her fingers away from his mouth, but she wouldn’t let him interrupt. She had thought about this in circles, and there was little chance that Crowther would let her slip away without paying for her necromancy. If she was lucky, she’d just be expelled from the Eternal Flame. It would be the quickest and quietest resolution, but even that might take weeks or months.
“Go south, towards the sea. When I can, I’ll come, I’ll look for you, and it’ll be just like we said—we’ll disappear.”
His eyes narrowed into slits. “And how long do you expect I’d be waiting?”
Helena’s eyes dropped. “I don’t know. It might be—a little while.”
“Why?”
“Because—there will be a lot of things that will happen once it’s over. But I’m sure once it is, they’ll rather I just disappear, so then I’ll come look for you, all right? I think it would be good that way. For you. You might realise you want other things once you have real choices—”
His fingers curled around the back of her neck, pulling her close until their faces were nearly touching.
“You’re mine,” he said almost against her lips. “Mine. You swore it. Your Resistance sold you to me. I’m not going anywhere without you. And if anyone touches you, immortal or not, I will kill them.”
He didn’t wait for a reply; he kissed her as though his lips were a brand on hers.
SHISEO WAS THE ONLY OTHER choice for delivering the bomb. He and Helena coated the very exterior of it with a fine layer of mo’lian’shi which Shiseo had extracted from nullium dust. After that, it was coated in Helena’s mirroring elixir. Shiseo had tinkered with the composition and made it workable on larger surfaces.
Once it was all assembled, it would be difficult to notice, and the exterior inertia would make it invisible to anyone searching by resonance.
As they finished, Helena slipped her ring off, studying it. The mirroring was rubbing off. If she was arrested, she’d be searched, and any metal removed. That would include Kaine’s ring.
“Would mo’lian’shi interfere with an entanglement?” she asked.
Shiseo studied the half-visible ring. “If you left a small part exposed, you could probably still use it.” He eyed her knowingly. “That would keep it hidden if someone searched you using resonance unless they were very thorough.”
That was all she needed to know. Muttering an apology to Kaine for the burn he was about to get, she coated all but one section. Once it cooled, she dipped her ring into the mirroring elixir, refreshing the concealment, watching it vanish.
WHILE SHISEO WAS DELIVERING THE bomb, Helena went to check on Lila. If the hospital ended up inundated, it would be a while before she’d come again.
The bump between Lila’s hips had grown undeniable, but Lila was almost manic with regret, questioning her decision for the first time. Her nails were all bitten to the quick. “I can’t believe that the final battle is happening now,” she said, watching the combatants as they milled below. “I should be out there.”
“It’s not as if you knew,” Helena said, tiredly. It was too late for Lila to change her mind now.
“Do you think this’ll be it?” Lila asked. “Are our chances good?”
“As good as they can be,” Helena said.
Win or lose, all she felt was dread, but it had to end now. It could not go on.
“He’s awake,” Lila said, holding out her hand for Helena’s. “Come feel. Right here.”
Lila caught Helena’s hand and pressed it on her stomach, just above her hip bone. There was a pause, then, without using resonance, Helena felt a strange flutter against her palm.
“Feel that?” Lila asked.
Helena nodded, letting her resonance sweep through Lila to the baby, finding the heartbeat quick as the flutter of a bird’s wings.
There were no more kicks.
“He probably went to sleep,” Lila said. Helena still didn’t know where Lila got the conviction that the baby was a boy, but she’d named him Apollo and referred to him as Pol. “You should feel him at night—I think he does somersaults. Gets his feet all the way up to my ribs.”