There was a good chance Lila would be injured. She wouldn’t let herself be taken without a fight. How would Kaine convince her to cooperate?
Helena stood and went to the door but refrained from touching it. Surely he had a plan.
She went back to inventorying. Kaine had put her knives back into the outer pocket.
She tried to keep herself busy, because if she stopped to think, her grief and guilt would crush her to death. Luc. It was all her fault. She could have saved him if she’d only noticed. Now she was leaving everyone behind, knowing what was likely to happen to them.
All her worst fears coming true and there was nothing she could do.
You can’t save everyone. You never could.
This was the only way.
Once Lila was safely away, if Kaine could slowly kill off the Undying, eventually the nightmare would end.
Time seemed to crawl past. Helena showered, washing away the blood and grime from the city. Luc’s blood. Sebastian’s blood.
She found clothes in the wardrobe. Hevgotian traditional clothing, which involved an unexpected number of tassels. In the cupboard was bread and very strong, hard cheese, which she forced herself to eat even though everything tasted like chalk in her mouth.
She was about to ignore Kaine’s orders and go looking for him anyway when the door abruptly swung open and Kaine walked in, Lila hanging limp in his arms. Her prosthetic was gone, and there were metal bands locked around both her wrists.
Helena flung herself across the room as he laid Lila on the bed.
Helena searched for any signs of injury, but Lila was not injured at all beyond a few bruises. As Helena searched her, her resonance failed at Lila’s wrists, and she realised they were alchemy-suppressing cuffs.
They were crudely made; she would only need a few tools to get them off.
“Was she still in the Tower?” she asked as she pushed an eyelid open, trying to pinpoint whether Lila had been physically knocked out or sedated.
“No,” Kaine said. “They’d already transported her when I got there.”
The alchemy suppression was external, and since the effects were at Lila’s hands, Helena could still use her resonance everywhere else.
“Where was she?” she asked, checking for the baby’s heartbeat.
“They’d taken her to Bennet’s lab, but I was able to retrieve her. We need to move quickly now. You both need to be out of the city before dawn.”
Helena was so panicked over Lila that she didn’t immediately notice that there was something unnerving about Kaine’s voice. She looked up. He was staring at her with a look that was almost starved; she’d never seen him look that way before.
Reaching out, she took his hand, feeling for any sign of injury. He wasn’t hurt, though. His pale hair was smoke-stained, but he looked unscathed. And yet there was something off about his expression.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, standing up, forgetting Lila.
The corner of his mouth curved into a wistful smile, and he inhaled.
“Kaine?” She searched his face. “What happened?”
He stared at the floor a moment before finally meeting her eyes. “I blew my cover getting the Bayard girl for you.”
The world stopped spinning. Time stalling as the air froze, and it was just them, and nothing else existed.
“What?” She tried again, shaking her head. “You—you what?”
She was certain she was misunderstanding him, but it was there in his eyes. He was saying goodbye to her.
She shook her head again. “No.”
He said nothing. Her protest vanished into the silence replaced by a horrible, waiting stillness, like the space between slowing heartbeats, when a heart finally stops. The sound of ending.
“No,” she said, her voice straining, breaking the quiet again, refusing to believe him.
“There wasn’t any other way,” he said gently, catching her by the arm as she swayed.
Her heart had started to beat again, and now it was beating faster and faster. She kept shaking her head, backing away from him, her eyes going for the door, looking for an escape, a way out. This was not happening.
He caught her, held her by the shoulders. “You know they’ve been looking for the spy. There were counter-espionage measures in place at the lab, and there wasn’t time to find a way past them. To get to Bayard, there are entry records indicating that I was there, that I entered a laboratory with highly controlled access. I couldn’t burn down the building and fight my way out carrying an unconscious, pregnant woman. When the next security shift begins tomorrow, the lab will be found and the records will show that I was the only one who left alive.”
She shook her head again, twisting free. “No. No, we can go back.” She turned to get her satchel. “There must be a way to destroy the records—I can—”
He jerked her back, his expression set. “You’re leaving, remember? That was the deal you made, Marino. I met the terms.”
Helena gave a low, pained sound as she shrank away from him.
His eyes were aglow, as if he was willing her to understand. His gaze flickered across her face as if trying to take it in, memorising her, because this was the end. The last time he’d ever see her.
She might have forgiven him for that, but the adoration in his eyes was tempered by a sharp-edged triumph. The satisfaction of getting his way.
“Anything I wanted if I went and got Bayard for you; those were your terms.”
He would have hurt her less if he’d reached in and ripped her heart out.
“You gave your word,” he said, when she refused to reply, his voice hardening.
“No—” Her voice broke.
His expression softened as she stopped struggling. “We had a good run, but we were never going to last.” His fingers slipped a loose curl behind her ear before his hand drifted down to rest briefly at the base of her throat. “You knew that.”
“Kaine, please, let me—” she started, her voice shaking.
His expression turned cold again. “Anything I wanted. It was your deal.”
Her lungs were beginning to burn. She tried again to pull away, but she couldn’t breathe. The crisp edges of him were blurring. He was speaking, but the words were growing rounded.
Kaine pulled her closer, and the cold determination on his face was shifting into worry.
“Helena—breathe.”
Her vision tunnelled, all darkness except him.
He shook her. “Helena—don’t—come on—breathe—Helena, please …”
Her fingers grasped at him as she fought to speak.
“No—” Her voice was broken. “—don’t do this to me.”
The devastation swallowed her like a tidal wave, and he vanished.
WHEN SHE REGAINED CONSCIOUSNESS, KAINE was leaning over her once again. She stared at him. Her left arm hurt as if there was a deep bruise just below the shoulder. Her body felt wrong. Numb. Her mind sluggish.
She blinked, and even that took effort and concentration. Then everything came back with almost violent anguish.
She struggled to focus. The pain in her arm was likely some kind of injected sedative. Kaine had drugged her, but there was also a mineral salt aftertaste on her tongue that she recognised as her tablets. He’d used them to erase the panicked surge of adrenaline, to set her heart at a slow, steady rhythm. He’d made her calm and malleable.
She glared up at him, trying to find words.
“I’m never going to forgive you for this,” she finally managed. The words came out slurred, giving them an irregular lilt.
Kaine’s lips tightened into a flat line, but then he nodded. “I know you won’t, but you’ll be alive and away from the war. Those were always my terms.”
Helena went silent, trying to think despite being transmuted to the verge of incoherence.
There was a well of rage seething through her that she couldn’t quite reach, as if it were just beyond her fingertips.