Autumn Leaves
At 66, just learning how to take care of my body Wake cheerful 8 a.m. &
write in a notebook rising from my bed side naked leaving a naked boy asleep
by the wall mix miso mushroom leeks & winter squash breakfast, Check
bloodsugar, clean teeth exactly, brush, toothpick, floss, mouthwash oil my
feet, put on white shirt white pants white sox sit solitary by the sink a
moment before brushing my hair, happy not yet to be a corpse.
Death & Fame
When I die
I don't care what happens to my body
throw ashes in the air, scatter 'em in East River
bury an urn in Elizabeth New Jersey, B'nai Israel Cemetery
But l want a big funeral
St. Patrick's Cathedral, St. Mark's Church, the largest synagogue in
Manhattan
First, there's family, brother, nephews, spry aged Edith stepmother 96, Aunt
Honey from old Newark,
Doctor Joel, cousin Mindy, brother Gene one eyed one ear'd, sister-in-law
blonde Connie, five nephews, stepbrothers & sisters their grandchildren,
companion Peter Orlovsky, caretakers Rosenthal & Hale, Bill Morgan —
Next, teacher Trungpa Vajracharya's ghost mind, Gelek Rinpoche, there
Sakyong
Mipham, Dalai Lama alert, chance visiting America, Satchitananda Swami
Shivananda, Dehorahava Baba, Karmapa XVI, Dudjom Rinpoche, Katagiri &
Suzuki Roshi's phantoms
Baker, Whalen, Daido Loorie, Qwong, Frail White-haired Kapleau Roshis, Lama
Tarchen — —
Then, most important, lovers over half-century
Dozens, a hundred, more, older fellows bald & rich
young boys met naked recently in bed, crowds surprised to see each other,
innumerable, intimate, exchanging memories
"He taught me to meditate, now I'm an old veteran of the thousand day
retreat — "
"I played music on subway platforms, I'm straight but loved him he loved me"
"I felt more love from him at 19 than ever from anyone"
"We'd lie under covers gossip, read my poetry, hug & kiss belly to belly
arms round each other"
"I'd always get into his bed with underwear on & by morning my skivvies
would be on the floor"
"Japanese, always wanted take it up my bum with a master"
"We'd talk all night about Kerouac & Cassady sit Buddhalike then sleep in
his captain's bed."
"He seemed to need so much affection, a shame not to make him happy"
"I was lonely never in bed nude with anyone before, he was so gentle my
stomach
shuddered when he traced his finger along my abdomen nipple to hips- "
"All I did was lay back eyes closed, he'd bring me to come with mouth &
fingers along my waist"
"He gave great head"
So there be gossip from loves of 1948, ghost of Neal Cassady commingling
with flesh and youthful blood of 1997
and surprise — "You too? But I thought you were straight!"
"I am but Ginsberg an exception, for some reason he pleased me."
"I forgot whether I was straight gay queer or funny, was myself, tender and
affectionate to be kissed on the top of my head,
my forehead throat heart & solar plexus, mid-belly. on my prick, tickled
with his
tongue my behind"
"l loved the way he'd recite 'But at my back allways hear/ time's winged
chariot hurrying near,' heads together, eye to eye, on a pillow — "
Among lovers one handsome youth straggling the rear
"I studied his poetry class, 17 year-old kid, ran some errands to his
walk-up flat,
seduced me didn't want to, made me come, went home, never saw him again
never wanted to… "
"He couldn't get it up but loved me," "A clean old man." "He made sure I
came first"
This the crowd most surprised proud at ceremonial place of honor —
Then poets & musicians — college boys' grunge bands — age-old rock star
Beatles,
faithful guitar accompanists, gay classical conductors, unknown high Jazz
music composers, funky trumpeters, bowed bass & french horn black
geniuses, folksinger fiddlers with dobro tamborine harmonica mandolin
autoharp pennywhistles & kazoos
Next, artist Italian romantic realists schooled in mystic 60's India, Late
fauve
Tuscan painter-poets, Classicdraftsman Massachusets surreal jackanapes
with continental wives, poverty sketchbook gesso oil watercolor masters from
American provinces
Then highschool teachers, lonely Irish librarians, delicate bibliophiles,
sex liberation troops nay
armies, ladies of either sex
"I met him dozens of times he never remembered my name I loved him anyway,
true artist"
"Nervous breakdown after menopause, his poetry humor saved me from suicide
hospitals"
"Charmant, genius with modest manners, washed sink, dishes my studio guest a
week
in Budapest"
Thousands of readers, "Howl changed my life in Libertyville Illinois"
"I saw him read Montclair State Teachers College decided be a poet- "
"He turned me on, I started with garage rock sang my songs in Kansas City"
"Kaddish made me weep for myself & father alive in Nevada City"
"Father Death comforted me when my sister died Boston l982"
"I read what he said in a newsmagazine, blew my mind, realized others like
me out there"
Deaf & Dumb bards with hand signing quick brilliant gestures
Then Journalists, editors's secretaries, agents, portraitists & photography
aficionados, rock critics, cultured laborors, cultural historians come to
witness the historic funeral
Super-fans, poetasters, aging Beatnicks & Deadheads, autograph-hunters,
distinguished paparazzi, intelligent gawkers
Everyone knew they were part of 'History" except the deceased
who never knew exactly what was happening even when I was alive