“You're WHAT? Are you insane? You have a million bookings from now till then. You're not going anywhere, Melanie, unless I tell you to. Don't you dare tell me what you're going to do. Let's not forget who put you on top here.” Her voice had, with her mother's help, but it was a cruel thing to say, and Melanie felt it like a blow. This was the first time she had stood up to her mother in just this way. And it was anything but pretty. Melanie wanted to crawl under her covers and cry, but she didn't. She held her ground. She knew she had to. And what she was doing wasn't wrong. She refused to let her mother make her feel guilty for wanting some time off.
“I canceled the other bookings, Mom,” she said honestly.
“Who did that?”
“I did.” She didn't want to get her agent and manager in trouble, so she took the blame. She had told them to do it, which was what mattered. “I need this time away, Mom. I'm sorry if it upsets you, but it's important to me.”
“Who's going with you?” She was still looking for the culprit, the person who had stolen her power from her. But in fact, only time had. Melanie had finally grown up and wanted at least some control of her own life. It had been a long time coming. And maybe Tom's love had helped her.
“No one. I'm going alone, Mom. I'm going to work in a Catholic mission that takes care of children. It's something I want to do. I promise I'll come back and work my ass off when I get home. Just let me do this without going crazy.”
“I'm not going crazy. You are,” Janet shouted at her. Melanie hadn't raised her voice once, out of respect for her mother. “We can turn it into a press opportunity if you want to do it for a few days,” she said hopefully, “but you can't go running off to Mexico for three months. For chrissake, Melanie, what were you thinking?” And then she thought of something else. “Is that little nun in San Francisco behind this? She looked like a sneaky little piece of work to me. Watch out for that type, Melanie. She'll have you joining a convent next. And you can tell her that if that's what she has in mind, it'll be over my dead body!” Melanie smiled at the mention of Maggie, however rude.
“No, I went to see a priest here.” She didn't tell her the connection was through Maggie. “He runs this great mission in Mexico. I just want to go there, have some peace, and then I can come back and work as hard as you want. I promise.”
“You make it sound like I'm abusing you,” her mother said, bursting into tears as she sat down on her daughter's bed and Melanie put her arms around her.
“I love you, Mom. I appreciate everything you've done for my career. I just want something more than that in my life now.”
“It's the earthquake,” Janet said, shaking as she sobbed. “You have post-traumatic stress. God, that would make such a good story in People, wouldn't it?” Melanie laughed as she looked at her. Her mother was a caricature of herself. Her heart was in the right place, but all she thought about was publicity for Melanie, and how to make her career even bigger than it was, which would have been hard to do. She had already done everything she had set out to accomplish, but her mother still couldn't let go, and have her own life. That was the essence of the problem. She wanted to live Melanie's life, not her own.
“You should go away somewhere too, Mom. A spa or something. Or London with some of your friends, or Paris. You can't think about me all the time. It's not healthy. For either of us.”
“I love you,” Janet wailed. “You don't know what I gave up for you…I could have had a career, I gave it to you … all I've ever done is what I thought was best for you.” It was a two-hour speech, which Melanie had heard too often and tried to head off at the pass this time.
“I know, Mom. I love you too. Just let me do this. I'll be good after that, I promise. But you have to let me figure things out for myself, and make my own decisions. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm twenty.”
“You're a baby,” Janet said angrily, mortally threatened.
“I'm a grown-up,” Melanie said firmly.
Janet spent the next few days alternately crying, complaining, and accusing. She bounced between grief and rage. She could feel the early signs of power slipping from her, and she was totally panicked. She even tried to get Tom to talk Melanie out of her plan, and he diplomatically said he thought it might do her good and thought it was noble of her, which only enraged Janet further. It was a nightmarish few days around their house, and Melanie could hardly wait to leave on Monday. After spending the weekend with him at her own house, she spent the last night at Tom's apartment, just to get away from her mother, and only went back to her own home at three A.M., to sleep before she left for the airport the following morning at ten. Tom had taken the morning off to drive her. She didn't want to leave in a white stretch limousine and attract attention, which her mother would have insisted on, if she'd had her way. She probably would have called the press and leaked the story, and might still anyway.
The scene with her mother as she left was out of a bad soap opera, with her mother clutching her and crying, saying she would probably be dead when Melanie got back, since she had been having chest pains ever since Melanie told her she was leaving. Melanie told her she'd be fine, promised to call her often, left all the pertinent phone numbers, and ran out the door to Tom's car, with a backpack and a duffel bag. It was all she was taking with her. She looked like she was escaping from prison as she slid into the car beside him.
“Go!” she shouted at him. “Go! Go! Go! Before she runs out and throws herself on the hood of the car.” He took off, and they were both laughing as they reached the first stoplight. It felt like a getaway car to both of them, and it was. Melanie almost felt high at the prospect of leaving and what she'd be doing when she got to Mexico.
Tom kissed her when he left her at the airport, and she promised to call him when she arrived. He was planning to come down in two or three weeks. But in the meantime, Melanie knew she would have lots of new adventures. Her three-month sabbatical in Mexico was just what the doctor ordered.
She was sitting on the plane, just before the doors closed, when she decided to call her mother. She was getting to do what she wanted, and she knew it was hard for Janet. Melanie knew it felt like a huge loss to her. Losing her control over Melanie to any degree was frightening for her, and Melanie felt sorry for her.
Janet answered at the house, and sounded depressed. She brightened noticeably when she heard her daughter's voice.
“Did you change your mind?” she asked, sounding hopeful, and Melanie smiled.
“No. I'm on the plane. I just wanted to give you a kiss. I'll call you from Mexico, when I can.” They made the announcement then to turn off all cell phones, and she told her mother she had to get off. Her mother sounded tearful for a moment.
“I still don't understand why you're doing this.” It felt like punishment to her, and rejection. It was much more than that to Melanie. It was a chance to do some good in the world.
“I just need to, Mom. I'll be back soon. Take care. I love you, Mom,” Melanie said as a flight attendant reminded her to turn off her phone. “I gotta go.”
“I love you, Mel,” her mother said hastily, as with a last kiss, Melanie turned off her phone. She was glad she had called. This trip had nothing to do with hurting her mother. It was something she needed to do for herself. She needed to discover who she was, and if she could exist on her own.