Mummy was a little hesitant at first with me wanting to be Amber, as she felt that perhaps I should have given Andrew more of a chance. Well, I just told her, I’m a girl, and no matter how much time spent as Andrew would change that. I had known I was a girl ever since I could remember, but it wasn’t until I first changed myself that I knew for certain that I was.
Now I am Amber, all day and every day, it makes all the hurts become bearable. The pain of losing people never goes away, but as I am now happy with whom I am, the pain is not always lying on my mind.
I know Mummy hurts too, but every time she sees Gareth, the pain is forgotten for a while.
We moved in, with Gareth’s help, the moving men thought he was my daddy, so I just smiled at them and didn’t change their ideas. It was strange having a ‘daddy’ for a change. Charlie and I got in the way, so we sat in the kitchen and played a game until everything was brought in.
I like this new house, even though it’s smaller than the old one, my room is nicer, and the garden is more open and there aren’t all those trees hemming us in all the time. I found the Gables very dark and rather gloomy. All the bad news I ever got came to me there, so it was right to move.
I am now Amber Hutchins. I have a birth certificate and Jenny has officially adopted me in any case. I am resigned to the possibility of having to become Andrew for certain legal meetings, but for the moment, I am just happy being me.
As everything was chaotic, Gareth asked us round to his house for dinner on the day we moved in. I met Charlie’s granny for the first time. She is a nice lady, but a bit deaf and very protective of Charlotte. She is utterly devoted to her son, and her granddaughter, of course. Initially, she met us with some suspicion, but after a few moments of meeting me, she thought we were just a lovely pair. ()
Mummy looked at me and raised an eyebrow, so I just grinned and shrugged. What’s the point of having a power if you can’t use it occasionally?
It took us a couple of days to get sorted, but with Gareth and Charlie permanently here, it was all done very quickly. It was so obvious that Mummy and Gareth were attracted to each other, that even an idiot could see the signs.
Mummy’s part time job finished a few weeks before the move, which was just as well, for she felt so guilty over getting a birth certificate for me, she felt under suspicion every day she went in. I had to ease her mind a little, as she was getting a real complex about it.
We were going to have Christmas by ourselves, but it was Charlie’s granny who suggested that we join them for Christmas day. Mummy took me shopping, so we bought some gifts for everyone. We were walking down Stert Street in Abingdon, when I saw someone I recognised.
It was Mark Redman from High Beeches. He was with a woman, whom I presumed was his mother.
He looked me right in the eye and then looked away. Then he looked at me again, frowning. I sensed that he recognised me as being someone he thought he knew, but couldn’t remember from when or where. I smiled and we passed. I didn’t turn round, but knew he turned and was watching me. I sent a message to his brain that I must have been a sister of someone he went to school with, and that satisfied him.
It snowed on Christmas Eve, so Mummy and I sat in the drawing room watching the snowflakes fall. We had all the furniture in the right place now, and most of the boxes were unpacked. Some things were still in the tea chests, but we put them in the small attic to open later on.
Mummy had a pack of cards, so we played that game where I had to guess what the card was she was holding up by reading her mind.
It was boring now, as I got them all right every time, even when she tried to confuse me by trying to think of the wrong card.
“Do you think there is anyone else like me?” I asked, as we tried to think of another game we could play.
“I don’t know. I don’t see why not.”
“Why am I different?”
Mummy shrugged.
“Rhona told me that your parents belonged to a top-secret research establishment at the end of the war. Maybe that is the answer.”
“I’ve never found anyone else like me. I think I would rather be the same as everyone else,” I said.
“Well, I can understand that, as with any power comes an equal measure of responsibility. The key is to keep very quiet about what you have, and then you need to train yourself to use it properly. Until you know the extent of your gift, it will be best to pretend you’re the same as everyone else. To be honest, you are a normal girl, but the extra power doesn’t make you better, just different, just as a fast runner is different, or a great musician, or an artist. Your gifts could bring good things, or if the wrong people get to know, bad things.”
I nodded, as I already knew that.
She got out a box of telegrams that had been sent to my parents when my real mummy had given birth to me.
One was from a man called John Beecham. It said: -
Congratulations – stop – great news – stop – when he gets a bit older bring him to see me – stop – you never know he may be better than both of you. John.
“What does he mean?” I asked.
“I’m not sure, but I think he must have been part of the research your parents were involved in. We will have to contact him soon. He might be able to help us,” Mummy replied.
“I think perhaps we shouldn’t, at least not until I know what I can do, and I am old enough to look after myself better,” I said, and Mummy stared at me. I liked surprising her sometimes.
I went up to bed. I still found my new room a little strange. Not having the trees outside my window making a noise was odd, but I found it more peaceful.
I snuggled in and Mummy came and sat on the floor by my bed. She never had to say much, as I knew she felt the same hurt as I did. Christmas was a time of memories, and our memories were mostly sad. She cuddled me and we both cried a little. I could sense she hoped that Gareth would bring her some happiness, and I think she was right.
I woke up quite early. It was just getting light outside.
On the end of my bed was a funny lumpy object, and I had to smile. It was one of Grandpa’s old stockings and it was full of toys, sweets, nuts and fruit. I saw it was seven thirty, so I went into Mummy’s room and we opened the stocking together.
We went to church after I had opened my stocking. Mummy had bought me some lovely little things, and there was even a small orange called a tangerine in the bottom. I don’t think I had ever had one before.
We met the Lowes at church, so I sat next to Charlie. I glanced at Mummy and she was sitting very close to Gareth. Then she saw that I had noticed and went red. I smiled at her.
Lunch was fun, and I ate so much I thought I’d go pop. An uncle and aunt of Gareth’s came and joined us. They were old too, and couldn’t work out how we fitted in. I suggested into the uncle’s brain that Mummy and Gareth were married already, so he kept asking when the wedding happened, and why hadn’t he been invited. Charlie and I got the giggles. Mummy gave me a dirty look but couldn’t say anything, so I just looked sweet and innocent. I was getting very good at this now.
After lunch, we had to watch the Queen’s speech on the television, and then hand round the presents. Gareth gave me some earrings. They were very pretty pearls, but I hadn’t had my ears pierced yet, so couldn’t show them off. I was about to do it myself when I saw Mummy look at me, so I stopped in time. She was probably right, but I did want to wear the earrings.
Charlie’s granny was called Eileen. As she drank two glasses of wine, by four o’clock was fast asleep in the armchair. The Aunt and Uncle left, and Charlie took me out to see her present.
They had a small paddock at the bottom of their garden and she had been given a pony.
It was a small gelding called Fancypants. He was light tan and he had a long fair mane and tail. He looked like the Thelwell drawings, and I loved his velvety nose.