“You lost your rights in this marriage, Faith, when you put our marriage on the back burner and went back to school.” It was a ridiculous thing to say, and even Faith knew that. He was being spiteful, irrational, and cruel.
“Are you telling me this is the first time you've been unfaithful to me, and it's all because of me?”
“I'm not saying anything. You'll hear from me when I've decided what I want to do.” It was incredible, he was threatening her. He had turned the tables on her. And he was walking out. But she was the one who had been wronged, and that much was clear to her.
She didn't say another word as he clattered down the stairs, banging his bag along the wall, and a moment later, she heard the front door slam. She knew nothing more than she had when she got home. All she knew was what she had seen in her bedroom the day before, and nothing more. He wasn't about to enlighten her. She walked around the house aimlessly for a while, looking stunned. Half an hour later, she called Brad.
“How're you doing, Fred?” he asked sympathetically. She didn't sound good to him, but she wasn't sobbing this time. Her voice sounded very small.
“He moved out.”
“Are you kidding?”
“He said it was all my fault, because I went back to school, and it's none of my business who she is, or what she means to him.”
“I told you he'd blame you.” But Brad hadn't expected him to move out. He had been cornered like a rat, and it was the only defense he could use. Escape. It was a shabby thing to do, and he said as much to Faith. “I'd like to tell you you'll be better off, but I'm sure you don't feel that way right now.”
“We've been married for twenty-six years. I'm beginning to wonder if I even know who he is.”
“You probably used to, Fred. Things change. We don't always notice it, or want to acknowledge it.” The truth was, he was right. Alex had closed the door on her emotionally years before. She had chosen not to notice it, and to just live with things that way. But sooner or later, what she had ignored had come home to roost. And then she had another frightening thought.
“What am I going to tell the kids?”
“Why say anything, for the next few days at least? They won't know for a while, unless he tells them, and he probably won't. Let the dust settle. He may come back when he calms down. Getting found out may have forced him into a position he doesn't want to take. He may just slip back in if he doesn't lose too much face.”
“Do you think he will?” Faith sounded hopeful, which nearly broke Brad's heart. He didn't want her being buried alive with a man who treated her the way Alex did. If only on behalf of Jack, he wanted better for her. She deserved so much more than Alex gave.
“He might. Just try to relax. And maybe you should call an attorney tomorrow, just to protect yourself. I'll see if I can find you someone in New York. I'll call some friends who do family law out here and see who they recommend. I'm so sorry, Fred. You don't deserve this. And it's not your fault. I hope you know that.”
“I'm not sure what I believe.” She wasn't sure yet how she felt. More than anything she felt dead.
She moved into Zoe's room that night. She couldn't bear the thought of sleeping in her own bed, whether he had changed the sheets or not. Brad called to check on her late that night, and Pam commented when he got off the phone. She hadn't seen him look that upset in a long time. Not since one of their kids had been seriously sick.
“What was that all about?” She had just come in from dinner with friends, and he had stayed home, allegedly to do some work. But she knew perfectly well that he just hadn't wanted to go out with her and her friends.
“A friend in distress.”
“It must be pretty bad for you to look like that. Anyone I know?”
“No, it's okay. Marital problems.” Pam wondered if it was Faith, but she decided not to ask. Brad looked too upset for her to question him. She was smart about things like that, and she backed off.
And by noon the next day, Brad had e-mailed her the name of an attorney in New York. Faith called him and left a message, and was relieved when he called her back. She explained what had happened, and the attorney asked her if she wanted to hire a private investigator to see if they could find out who the woman was. And much to her own surprise, she said yes.
She felt like she was swimming underwater for the next few days. She went to school, talked to Brad. She hadn't heard a word from Alex, and the attorney called her back on Friday. She was stunned to hear that he knew who the woman was. She was twenty-nine years old, divorced, had a child, and was a receptionist at the investment banking firm where Alex worked. According to some of the secretaries who knew her there, she had moved to New York from Atlanta the year before, and she and Alex had been involved for the past ten months. Ten months. It had nothing to do with her going to school. He had been cheating on her for nearly a year. And just listening to the attorney, Faith felt sick.
She made an appointment to come to his office the following week, but she still had no idea what to do. She didn't know if she should divorce him, or ask him to come back. They hadn't talked all week. She didn't even know how serious he was about the girl. And not knowing what else to do, she called Alex at the office that afternoon. And was relieved when he took her call. She was afraid he wouldn't even do that, but he sounded anything but pleasant when he heard her voice.
“Do you want to get together and talk?” Faith suggested, trying not to sound as angry as she felt. What the lawyer had told her that morning had knocked her off her feet. But so did Alex's response.
“There's nothing to say, Faith,” he said bluntly, and tears sprang to her eyes again. She had spent a week crying on and off. It was almost the way she had felt when Jack died, only that was worse. But in its own way, this was like a death too. It was about loss, of faith, of hope, of dreams, of trust, and maybe even their marriage.
“We can't just walk away from this, Alex. We have to at least talk.” She tried to sound calmer than she felt, so she wouldn't frighten him off.
“I have nothing to say to you,” he said, as though he still felt it was all her fault. And she took a breath, and a leap that would have horrified Zoe and Brad. But it was all she could think of to do. In the face of his endless criticisms, she always felt as though she should make the effort and the sacrifice, no matter how unfair or unwarranted. It was her childhood haunting her again, trying to be the perfect little girl, and never quite measuring up anyway.
“What if I give up school?” It was the ultimate sacrifice, but she wanted to save her marriage. It was too much to give up without at least trying to salvage it. And if that was the issue for him, then maybe she had no choice. She didn't want to trade a law degree for a marriage of twenty-six years.
“It's too late for that,” he answered in a strangled voice, and Faith felt the room reel.
“Are you serious? Do you want to marry this girl?” It was the only reason she could think of for his not coming back. She had been a good wife to him. Her only “mistake,” if he wanted to call it that, was going back to school.
“It's not about this girl, Faith. It's about you.”
“Why? What did I do?” Tears were rolling relentlessly down her cheeks.
“Our marriage has been dead for years. And I feel dead when I'm with you.” She felt his words like a physical blow, they were so cruel. “I'm fifty-two years old. I want a better life. We're all through. The kids are grown up. They don't need us together anymore. You want to go to law school. I want a life too.” He made it sound like he had been planning this for years. And she had walked right into his trap when she went back to school. What he was saying to her was like ripping out her heart. She had stayed with him out of loyalty, and respect for their marriage. And all he was doing was waiting for a second chance, without her.