“I'm so sorry, Fred … I'm so sorry … what a rotten thing to carry around with you all those years. I don't know why, but I just suddenly knew before you said anything. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It doesn't make you less … it makes you more … a million times more. What a sick, cruel thing to do to a little girl. Thank God he died.”
“I used to think that too, and then I felt guilty for that. It happens to a lot of kids, I guess. It's a lonely, scary place to be.”
It had impacted her entire life, affected whom she chose to marry, and how she dealt with him and let him treat her for all those years. But Brad's reaction was exactly the one she would have hoped for when she was finally brave enough to speak up. Brad never let her down, unlike Alex, who never failed to disappoint her at every turn and had for so long. Somehow telling Brad and feeling his arms around her vindicated her. She had finally told someone, and he accepted her in spite of it. She was free at last from the chains that had bound her for most of her life. It was an incredible gift he had given her, and they sat there in silence for a long time, as he held her. He was the friend and brother she had always loved, and knew he was, and when she pulled away from him at last, he smiled at her.
“I love you, Fred … I truly, truly love you … what an incredibly wonderful human being you are. And what a goddamn shame you married that asshole instead of me. I really blew that one, kid.” But everything he had said to her that day had been right for her. Telling him had been one of the best things she'd ever done. It was like holding up a mirror, and seeing herself in his eyes. What she saw was the good person who was not to blame for any of it. Not a victim either, or a bad little girl. It was a proud woman who had survived, and deserved love and good things to happen to her. It was exactly the key she needed to unlock the last door to freedom. He had freed her, and she had freed herself. Finally.
“Thank you, Brad. I guess things work out the way they're meant to. You'd probably have been bored if you'd married me.” Faith smiled again. “Besides, marrying you would have been like marrying my brother. Incestuous, to say the least.” Maybe it was better with him like this, as best friends.
“That's what I always thought. Jack told me I should go out with you once, when we were in college, and I thought he was nuts. You were like my kid sister. I was pretty dumb in those days,” he said sheepishly.
“No you weren't.” They sat and talked for a while afterward, easily and comfortably. And then finally he glanced at his watch. He hated to leave her, but he had to, to keep up the charade that he'd come to New York on business, and not just to see her. He didn't want to leave her after what they'd just shared. All he was going to do was lie in his hotel room for two hours, and watch a basketball game, or sleep. But he knew he had to stick to his story, and leave her for a while. He felt closer to her than he ever had, but tried to look casual as he stood up.
“Where do you want to eat tonight?” he asked with a yawn.
“You're going to be a ball of fire at your meeting, if you don't wake up.” She laughed, and he grinned and shook his head. “What about Chinese?” It was as though nothing untoward had happened between them. They were closer than they'd ever been.
“Sounds good to me. I forgot to bring a tie. I figured I'd buy one if you wanted me to wear one to take you out.”
“I figured you'd come in black tie,” she teased, after all his complaints about Pam. All he'd brought was a sport jacket, a pair of slacks, a pair of jeans, and some blue shirts. It was a good look, and he looked handsome as he rolled down his sleeves and pretended he was going to work.
“I'll pick you up at seven o'clock. How's that?” he said, planting a kiss on the top of her head and pulling her close to him.
“Is that enough time for your meeting?” She seemed surprised.
“That'll be enough. We only need to discuss one kid.”
“Must be a very special kid for you to come this far to discuss him for two hours,” she said, as she walked him to the front door. He had said just enough, not too much, and not too little, about the revelations she'd made to him.
“He is,” he confirmed, and then hugged her tight before he left. He walked the two blocks to the hotel, and thought about all she'd said to him, what an amazing woman she was, and what a fool he'd been not to marry her. He wished now that he'd taken a different fork in the road than he had years before. But there was no turning back now. All he could do was make the best of it, and acknowledge the mistake to himself. He couldn't even acknowledge to her that he'd made a mistake. But he looked pensive and sad as he walked into the hotel, thinking of the horrors she'd survived, the love she lavished on everyone in spite of it, and how lucky he was to be her friend.
And all Faith could do was thank God she had finally had the courage to unburden herself and tell him about her father. And Brad had been the right one to tell. It had only strengthened the bond they shared and the love she felt for him. A thousand-pound weight she'd carried for a lifetime had been lifted from her heart.
17
FAITH AND BRAD WENT TO CHINESE DINNER THAT NIGHT He told her about the meeting he'd had, and invented all of it, or borrowed it from a case he had in San Francisco. But all he'd done at the hotel for two hours was sleep. She never suspected it, and was fascinated by the case he described. And after that, they talked about their kids. He was dying to see his sons, and she was anxious to talk to Ellie, after Alex did.
“How do you think she'll take the news?” Brad asked, looking concerned.
“I'm worried that she'll blame me,” Faith confessed. “God knows what Alex will say to her, but he felt that since I told Zoe, he should call Eloise.”
“She's old enough to be fairly sensible about it,” Brad said optimistically.
“Yes, she is, but you never know. This still feels like a nightmare in every way. I can't even wrap my mind around the idea that it's over. Two weeks ago, I was still married, and I thought everything was fine.” In actual fact, it had been sixteen days. “It is kind of like when someone dies … you keep thinking, two days ago they were alive … three weeks ago … two months … and then one day, you look up and it's been years.” They were both thinking of Jack as she said the words.
“Do you want to go to church tomorrow?” they both said at the same time, and she laughed.
“I'd like that a lot. St. Patrick's, or something in the neighborhood?” she asked.
“Let's go to St. Patrick's,” he suggested. “I feel like that's our church,” he said, and offered her a fortune cookie. Hers said she was virtuous and patient and had wisdom beyond her years. His said he was going to make an excellent deal.