However, as one cannot be too careful in a matter of such delicacy, I have avoided “naming names”-even your own. And I sign myself only as your loyal and trusting friend. M.
Anonymous
Augustus and Lady Maude
VIII. Mr. Bowler to R. L. Esq.
Hotel Rialto, Venice Tuesday a.m., 18 June In strictest confidence The enclosed letter is from a lady of the first rank who stands high in my personal esteem. You will see at once, from the past services you have rendered me, the extent of the difficulty. I believe you will understand the nature of the means required to overcome it. I have marked on the enclosed street-map of the city the house where the two delinquents are to be found. In the light of certain favours you have enjoyed from me in the past-and which shall be repeated in the future-I call upon your assistance.
You will need two of my stable-grooms, men who are not easily unnerved by squeals and imprecations. I suggest Withers and Platt.
They will, however, want a gentleman of your standing to manage the affair. I suggest you let them have fun with both girls for an hour or two before the abduction. They cannot then tell tales without implicating themselves. Once the “packages” are securely “wrapped,” you may take them a mile or so and deliver them to my agent Jasper B- – in the London Road for shipment overseas. He will know what to do and will arrange their transportation. When you next visit the Bond Street branch of the City and Counties Bank, you will find 200 guineas has been placed to your account. You may also depend upon a certain subcontract in respect of leather for stable-whips.
Withers has already assisted in the removal of Janet Bond, who threatened scandal after a few liberties with her person. I will write no more here, except to say that the first 200 guineas will be matched by the same sum again, from the family of the young gentleman, so soon as the two impediments have been removed. You see what will be done for you by those who hold your abilities in such esteem!
H.B.
IX. Lady Maude to Augustus
Lago di Garda, 19 June My dear Augustus, I need not tell you with what care and concern I read your last letter. I scanned it through while lying upon the chaise-longue after breakfast, the coffee and oranges scarcely consumed. The events you described in those pages put me quite in a passion. I broke all the sticks of my fan, with which one wafts the cooler air from the open window. What am I to say, my beloved?
You have grown to such an age and learnt so little-unless it be to endure a crise des nerfs at every setback. I beg that you will listen to me while there is still time. Neurasthenia is not the worst that may afflict a young gentleman of tender sensibilities in such a position as your own. Far worse is the storm of social scandal and ruin whose dark clouds I already see gathering about your head.
You cannot-you must not-go on with these romantic absurdities involving common shopgirls and vulgar young trollops with whom you can have nothing in kind. You saw Julie and Sian having sex together in the lewdest manner. What else did you imagine of such hussies? Did you imagine that they would spend a quiet evening reading aloud the verses of Lord Tennyson or Mr. Longfellow to one another? Did you suppose they would crochet or embroider with eyes meekly cast down upon the hoops with which they worked? I trust you have learnt better, Augustus. We have waited quite five years to see you become decently attached to a young lady of your own class and condition. We have thus far waited in vain. The disorder of your venereal passions is, it appears to me, nothing short of pathological. I should imagine that there must be a term in medicine to describe your obsession with these common sluts. And if there is not such a term-then there ought to be.
An Augustinian malaise. Now let me advise you, as a woman and as one of your own rank in society. You may enjoy such sluts as Julie, of course you may. That is every gentleman's privilege. But not as you might do. You must do it without this desperate infatuation and, if possible, invoke an air of moral probity. The art of social morality in England is simplicity itself. You may do whatever you choose to the girls and young women of the lower orders, provided you talk all the time about decency and respectability. If you wished only to enjoy a ride between Julie's legs, to fondle those saucy little bottom-curves of hers-above all to whip them soundly-you might do so with impunity. I will go further. You may do so to your heart's content and earn nothing but praise and reward from the justices and the clergy, even from your own wife and family. What is true morality, Gussie? It is certainly not the feeble mooning over sights seen through bedroom windows, nor this wish to exalt a randy little slut like Julie as the future Lady of Coombe. Nothing but scandal and disgrace attends such indiscretions. True morality is the removal of such a lewd little minx from her present corruption of such gentlemen as yourself to a penitentiary institution where she may serve three or four years under discipline. Ah, I hear you wail like a little boy that your toy would be taken from you by such methods! What a silly thing you are! Girls like Julie, in such reformatories, are always at the disposal of a gentleman of your rank who wishes to play the moralist with them. Present yourself at the gate and the gaoler will doff his cap to bow you through. I do not say that you ought not to chink a little silver in his hand. He is a most worthy fellow, deserving whatever recognition of a financial kind you might care to bestow upon him. Believe me, my dear, it never comes amiss to spend a few guineas wisely. By such means trade will flourish and the respectability of society may be preserved without noise or scandal.
I can assure you, upon the authority of my father and brothers who constitute a whole bench of magistrates, that there is a simple remedy when you wish to have your way with Julie or any other girl of her class. She has only to be removed to penitentiary training for three or four years and, as a magistrate yourself, you would find her constantly available to you. Examination and wholesome chastisement are the reasons given for taking down the knickers of such young wenches. You think she could never be guilty of an offence which would ensure her detention during a few years of your own pleasure?
How wrong you are! Our good friends will convict her summarily of insulting behaviour-an insolent glance from Julie would suffice!-or threatening attitudes. No sooner would I make a request than the matters might be arranged. Now, Gussie, when the law of England can arrange such affairs of the heart for you, why must you continue to play at Tristan and Isolde with a grotesque young slut of Julie's sort? You and I, my dearest, have grown up closer than brother and sister in our affections. You must know, then, that I would not deceive you for the world. Can you believe that what I tell you now is part of some plot which finds me in league with the questionable Dr.