She’s watching me from the stands, checking a few newspapers as well, and probably looking through the articles in search of news about me, but sometimes she looks up to gaze at me. When she does, I can’t help but smile. I love seeing that spark of curiosity in her eyes. Even though she tries to hide it, I know she wants me to succeed.
I hope that one day she can look at me without feeling ashamed.
Sweat drops trickle down my forehead as I burst through the sand, my legs aching as I drag my kneecaps along the ground for a quicker turn around the corner. The pads provide good protection, but I can feel my muscles burning, which means I have to work out even harder to maintain my strength. I have to stay on top, have to be the best, have to show her that I’m worth it. That I’m worthy of her love.
I know she hates me and rightfully so. However, now that she’s in my life again, I won’t give up the fight to reclaim her heart. Not ever again.
After thirty minutes of practice, I stop in front of the bleachers she’s on and flip my visor open. When she looks up, I give her a wink. For a second, I think I spot a flush on her cheeks, but then it disappears just as quickly. Too bad, because it looks so fucking good on her. It makes me wonder how red she will be when I fuck her senseless.
Once, a long time ago, I heard her moan from my touch. It’s been so long that I barely remember the sound, but I’ll never forget the way she felt in the dark. I couldn’t see a thing, but I know she liked it, and so did I. It was such a shame it had to end.
One day I’ll make her scream my name again.
***
Age 16
I’m sitting behind Emily in class, and I can’t for the life of me concentrate on the teacher. Ever since I bumped into Emily, I can’t stop thinking about her. That cute giggle, that bright smile, those sparkling eyes. There’s just something about her.
This is strange because I’ve never been hung up on a girl like that before. Most of the times, I just kiss ‘em, maybe bang ‘em if they’re good looking, but otherwise, nothing else. I’ve never felt anything like this before.
It’s like I … have a crush.
Well, fuck me.
Shaking my head, I laugh at myself, which makes the teacher look up at me with a frown.
I stay quiet for the rest of the class, but I can’t stop myself from staring at her and smiling whenever she raises her hand. She’s so freaking smart. It’s as if she always knows the answer. Or she likes to be a know-it-all. It doesn’t matter to me. I find it all funny, and if it makes me laugh, I like it.
I just like her.
So much so, that for the last few days I’ve been trying to get her attention. I’ve been throwing her glances, winking at her, even licking my lips, but she just doesn’t seem to notice. That, or she doesn’t want to.
Maybe she’s afraid. All the more reason for me to pursue it even further.
I like it when a girl plays hard to get. I enjoy a challenge from time to time.
Especially this time, when I actually want her to talk to me and go out with me, instead of just hooking up. It’s exciting not to know how she’ll react. I’m tired of having it easy, and Emily definitely doesn’t seem easy. I kind of like that about her.
She’s like my polar opposite, and yet so completely intriguing.
I want to get to know her better.
If she doesn't accept my advances, then I’ll have to play this game a little differently.
I have to bring us together in a way that she can’t refuse. And I know just the thing.
Time to ask my parents for a study buddy. They’ll probably think it’s their idea, but that’s okay. As long as I get to be with her.
***
Age 16, a few months later
She sifts through my book, looking for the chapter I’m supposed to be working on, but all I can think about is being close to her. I lean in to catch her scent, pineapple and some other fruit that fucking riles me up. My fingers almost reach for her, wanting desperately to touch her, but I know I’m not supposed to.
She’s my study buddy, after all—selected by my parents for her outstanding efforts in math. Meanwhile, I’m the degenerate not capable of forming one correct sentence. According my parents, I fail at pretty much anything except sports, which is what I love the most, but that’s the last thing they had in mind for me. My parents think Emily can teach me how to do my homework more efficiently, as if that’s going to help me be anything other than myself. Although, I do love that they actually listened to me when I told them to pick her as my study buddy. Not that it’ll do much good. I’m not interested in learning; I just want her by my side.
Not that it matters, because I wasn’t good at learning anyway. I mean, let’s face it; I’m just a muscled jock. I’m good with my hands but not much else. Of course, these hands can also be used for other things … like massaging the girl lying on her bed.
I crack my knuckles and work her shoulders like a pro. She’s not protesting, so I guess she doesn’t mind. I know she’s here to help me, even though she didn’t want to, so I have to give her something in return. After all, my buds weren’t that nice to her. They call her a nerd, but I don’t see it as something negative. I still want to make her feel comfortable around me, though.
I massage her back too, and I think I hear a soft moan coming from her mouth. Fuck me, that sound is hot. That’s it; I’ve lost my self-control. I told myself that I wouldn’t touch her because I can’t stop myself when I’m around her. All I want is to show her that I’m more than what she thinks of me and that I find her intelligence sexy. I can’t wait to see her every day at school and smile like crazy when she’s sitting next to me. I can’t stop thinking about the next time we’ll study together.
“Did you do this chapter yet?” She turns her head and looks at me as if I’m supposed to know what she’s talking about, but all I can think about are those luscious lips moving and her tongue licking them at the end of her sentence.
Fuck me; I can’t handle this shit anymore.
“Uh … what?” I say, totally flabbergasted.
I don’t even remember what she said. I’m completely zoned out, focusing on her sparkling eyes, her mouth, and the way she smiles when she notices that I’m not paying attention.
“C’mon, Chris, this is important. Your parents are counting on me to help you, so let me help you.” Her face is so radiant. Even in the dark night with only the lamp above to light her, I can’t stop looking at her.
“Yeah, I know,” I say, taking a breather. “No, I don’t think I’ve done that chapter yet. I want to close it the moment I see those numbers.”
She giggles, which makes my body rigid because all I want to hear is more of those sounds. They make me want to pounce on her like a beast … It makes me want to ravage her.
Yep. It’s not the studying part that I like but mostly just being around her. She has something about her, something I admire. The attention she gives me makes me feel good, which is what I need right now, considering my situation at home.
My parents aren’t exactly on good standing, to say the least. Things have been rough these last few years, so having her close to me as an outsider really helps.
Maybe I’m just losing my mind. Or maybe I’m falling in love.
Weird, since that’s just so not me.
I only ever toyed with girls, experimented with them, and kissed them whenever I saw fit. I wanted to be the man, the macho, the one who got them all. But none of that seems to matter anymore when I’m around her.
It’s as if all I can think about is kissing her.
I move in closer and stroke the back of her neck, sliding aside her soft brown hair. She’s lying on her belly, her elbows supporting her as she flips through the pages. Her eyes sometimes shoot my way, flashing me a look that says ‘what are you doing?’, but she hasn’t asked yet. I get the feeling that she’s afraid of the answer because I feel the exact same thing.