I stood up. After depositing a small offering in the basket, I left the church, then went southward to sign the lease.
The second Friday in June, I decided to throw a small gathering at the new venue to tell my friends about what I’d be doing next year. Before I even invited anyone, I knew I would have to tell Win about his father’s involvement.
That summer, in an attempt to show that New York City wasn’t so awful, the mayor was screening ancient movies outside in Bryant Park. Win wanted to go, in the way rich, privileged people liked to do things that were potentially dangerous. I told him I’d come, but as was to be expected, I had my machete with me.
No one accosted us at the screening—police presence had been fairly impressive for a recreational event. Still, I could barely pay attention to the movie because I kept thinking about what I had to tell Win.
On the walk home, Win was still talking about the movie. “That part where the girl rides the horse across the water? That was amazing. I want to do that.”
“Yeah,” I said.
Win looked at me. “Annie, were you watching at all?”
“I—I have something I need to tell you.” I told him about the business and the lease I had signed and finally the name of the lawyer I had hired. “I’m having a sort of party to kick the whole thing off next week. I’d really like it if you came.”
Win did not speak for an entire city block. “You don’t have to do this, Anya. Just because you signed a lease doesn’t mean you have to do this.”
“I do have to do this, Win. Don’t you see? It’s a way to redeem my father. It’s the way I could change things in the city. If I don’t do this, I’ll always be living in the dark.”
“You think you have to, but you don’t.” He grabbed my hand and turned me roughly toward him. “Do you have any idea how hard this is going to be?”
“Yes, I do. But I have to anyway, Win.”
“Why?” he said in a sharper voice than I had ever heard him use. “Your cousin took over Balanchine Chocolate. You are out!”
“I’ll never be out. I am my father’s daughter. And if I don’t do this, I will always regret it.”
“You are not your father’s daughter. I am not my father’s son.”
“I am, Win.” I told him that to deny this was to deny who I was at my core, that I could not change my name or my blood. He wasn’t listening, though.
“Why did you have to hire my father?” he asked in a quiet voice that was more frightening than his loud one had been.
I tried to explain but he just shook his head.
“I knew you were headstrong, but I never took you for a fool.”
“I have reasons, Win.”
Win cornered me against the wall. “I have been loyal to you. If you do this, I won’t be by your side. We can be friends, nothing more. I will go as far away from you as possible. I will not watch you destroy yourself.”
I shook my head. My cheeks were wet, so I suppose I was crying. “I have to, Win.”
“I mean that little to you?”
“No … But I can’t be anyone other than who I am.”
Win looked at me with an expression of disgust. “You know he poisoned you last year, right?”
Win knew. “He told me.”
“You know exactly what kind of a man he is and you go and do this anyway! If he’s helping you, it’s because he sees some kind of angle for himself.”
“I know that, Win. He’s using me, and I’m using him.”
“You deserve each other then.” Win shook his head. “We’re done,” he said.
“Don’t do this, Win. Not here. Not now. Take a little time to think.” Embarrassing as this is, I fell to my knees and clasped my hands together.
He said he didn’t need to think. “I will not be my mother. I will not be long-suffering.”
And then he left. I got up to run after him, but I tripped and skinned my knees against the pavement. By the time I stood up, a bus had arrived, and Win was on it.
As soon as I got home, I tried calling Win. “He’s already gone to bed,” Mrs. Delacroix said coolly. “Would you rather speak to Charlie instead?”
I told her that wouldn’t be necessary. I saw Charles Delacroix all the time.
This went on for several days (fill in excuses appropriate to whatever time of day it was) until finally Mrs. Delacroix said that Win had gone to visit friends in Albany.
Maybe I should have gotten on the first train to Albany, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t know what I would say. The truth was, he was probably right. I had disregarded his feelings in pursuit of whatever this was, and I couldn’t explain to him why. Or rather, if I did explain, I suspected he wouldn’t like the answer: Win had been steadfast, loyal, kind, and everything good, but all that was not enough. For better or for worse, the desire I had to succeed where my father had failed was greater than the love I had for Win.
So, no, I did not chase my boyfriend to Albany. I was occupied with arranging for my business and finishing preparations for the prelaunch party on Friday.
The phone rang. Despite myself, I hoped it was Win, but it wasn’t.
“Are you not happy to hear from your old friend?” Theo asked.
I had messaged him several days earlier for advice from the abuelas about what could be used as a substitute for cacao in frozen hot chocolate, the drink I planned to serve at the party.
“The abuelas say that nothing can substitute cacao! They want to know why you would want to commit such a blasphemy.”
I told him about my business. “We’re having a prelaunch party, but my business partner doesn’t think it’s a good idea to serve anything illegal since the whole idea is for it to be aboveboard.”
“I see. Well, then perhaps you might try carob powder? It is a pale substitute but…”
I thanked him.
“Let me know what else I can do to help,” Theo said.
“How about a good deal on Granja Mañana cacao?” I suggested. “I’m going to need a supplier.”
“The best deal I have,” Theo said. “I am proud of you, Anya Barnum-Balanchine. You seem to have made peace with everything.”
“Gracias, Theo. You know you are the only person to say that to me.”
“It is because I know you, Anya. In our hearts, we are the same.” Theo paused. “How is your boyfriend?”
“He’s mad at me,” I said.
“He will get over it.”
“Maybe.” But I wasn’t really sure if he would this time.
We talked for a while longer, and Theo promised to come and see me when he could. I asked him if they’d be able to spare him at Granja Mañana, and he said that Luna had been much more help since he’d been sick. “I guess I should be grateful to you for getting me shot.”
“Unfortunately, you aren’t the first boy to say that to me.”
Friday came, and with it, the party. Still I had not heard from Win. I spent the day having the space cleaned and setting up samovars for the frozen hot chocolate along the sides of the room. I’d invited everyone in my circle—though no one from the semya—and Charles Delacroix had invited people, too, including potential investors.
Scarlet and Gable were among the first people to show up. She was about a million months pregnant at this point and I hadn’t been sure if she’d come at all. When I messaged her though, she had replied in about a second: Really happy to have a reason to get out of the house and really happy for the invitation! P.S. Does this mean we aren’t mad at each other anymore? I am so lonesome without you. When she arrived, she hugged me.