Dead.
She was dead.
He shook his head. He needed a shower.
Trudging upstairs, a sense of great failure enveloped him. He’d failed.
Failed to lay the whammo on that bitch in the park because he’d been too excited.
More than that, he’d failed to show his mother who was stronger. And now, she was forever gone from his grasp. He’d stood in his dark suit just yesterday as they lowered her into the ground. His girlfriend held onto his arm and cried for him because he didn’t let a single tear fall.
He couldn’t cry.
He didn’t want to cry.
He’d wanted to scream.
He’d wanted to laugh.
He’d wanted to rip her from the casket and lay the whammo on her.
But he only stood at the graveside, solemn. Letting no one know. Not any of the mourners. Not the priest. Not the faking bitch at his side. No one knew his mind. No one knew his plan.
But now his plan had failed.
He had failed.
The warm water that pulsed from the showerhead did little to wash that feeling away. He turned the water on hotter yet, but the scalding heat did not make a difference. It didn’t burn away his shame. He stood under it as long as he could stand it, then twisted the dial back down to a comfortable level.
“I really should have laid the whammo on her,” he told the flowered tile of the shower stall.
Things were going to change.
This was an inauspicious beginning.
He would have to do better the next time.
Part II
April 1996
RIVER CITY, WASHINGTON
[The rain] descends with the enthusiasm of
someone breaking bad news.
TWO
Monday, April 15th
Day shift
0644 hours
Katie MacLeod turned off the engine of her Jeep Cherokee and rubbed her tired eyes. Some mornings, she came home full of energy and too jacked up to sleep. Other mornings, like this one, she returned home almost a zombie and couldn’t wait to fall into bed.
The wet, crisp air smelled fresh to her as she trudged up the walkway to the front door of her small house. Living in a house instead of an apartment for the first time as an adult took some getting used to. For example, even through her sleepy senses, she noticed that the grass needed to be mowed. She promised herself to do that during the coming weekend.
Not for the first time, she wondered if the 9-to-5ers had an easier time of it when it came to taking care of their household chores. Still, she wouldn’t trade her job for anything.
Most of the time.
Inside, the house was silent except for the light hum of the refrigerator and the tick of the old-fashioned clock on the wall. She listened for Putter, but the cat was either too busy sleeping or out adventuring to be bothered with greeting her.
I should’ve gotten a dog instead, she mused. At least a dog would be happy to see me.
She knew she wasn’t home enough to take care of a dog, though. Cats were more self-sufficient, if aloof at times.
Katie hung her jacket. She debated a shower before bed but quickly decided against it. She was just too tired.
The heavy weight of her off-duty gun on her hip was the first thing to go. She set it on her nightstand and dropped her badge next to it. Years ago, when she first came on the job, she would carry a pair of handcuffs and her radio with her, too. Now she didn’t bother. If anything ever happened off-duty, the gun would be for dealing with the bad guys and the badge would be for dealing with the good guys when they arrived.
Katie finished undressing and put on her robe. She wandered into the kitchen for a glass of orange juice. She drank it standing next to the sink and rinsed the glass when she had finished.
To bed.
On her way to the bedroom, she saw the blinking light on her answering machine. She considered letting it sit until she woke up that afternoon, but knew she couldn’t do that. The call might be from work. Or her mother. Neither party would be happy about a return call at four in the afternoon.
Katie pressed the PLAY button. There was a beep and a male voice came on.
“Katie? Are you there? It’s Stef.” There was a pause. Katie could hear the sound of vehicle traffic in the background. “If you’re there, will you pick up? I…I want to talk to you.”
Anger flared in Katie. After what he’d said and done to her, there was no way-
“Katie, please? Pick up.”
She detected the slight slur in his voice then. He’d been drinking and probably made the call after the bars closed. She knew that was how he’d been spending his time since he took a medical retirement from the police department. Drinking and feeling sorry for himself. And now he wanted to drag her into it.
No way.
The message ended and the machine beeped. Katie pressed the DELETE button.
He was a coward. That was the conclusion she’d reached in the year or so since his departure. Sure, he’d been shot up physically. And sure, he made a tragic mistake that cost a little girl her life. But he acted as if he were the only one on the job who experienced pain or who ever failed. In doing so, he belittled everyone else’s experiences.
She flashed to the Post Street Bridge and the image of a mentally unstable man dangling his infant son over the edge of the bridge. The rush of impending doom flooded her chest. She saw herself standing helpless, pleading with the man.
Katie bit her lip.
“Goddamn you, Stef,” she whispered. “Don’t call me any more.”
She walked into the bathroom and turned on the hot water. Maybe she needed a shower after all.
0721 hours
Officer Thomas Chisolm tried to sprint the final block of his run, but his tired legs and aching lungs wouldn’t cooperate. He managed to work up to a long-striding lope as he finished off his five miles, then slowed to a walk in front of his home. Hands on his hips, he walked in large circles around the front yard, slowing his breathing and letting his legs cool down.
Mornings were melancholy times for him. Sometimes he had thoughts of Scarface, the robber he’d killed. Other times, memories of Vietnam crept back in to his consciousness, forcing their way out of the shallow graves in his mind.
Like Bobby Ramirez.
Or Mai.
He needed sleep. That’s all it was. Some water, a hot shower and sleep.
As his breath slowed, he turned on the water in his front yard and drank from the hose. The city water had a slight metallic tang to it, but he took a deep draught before turning the spigot off.
Chisolm made his way up the short, concrete steps and removed his house key from his sock. Unlocking the door, he went inside, tossing the key on the kitchen table. A hot shower was calling to him.
As he walked past the refrigerator, a picture taped to the front caught his attention. An attractive, dark-haired woman stared out of the photograph at him. She had a smile on her face but her eyes were slightly sad. They’d always had that hint of sadness, as long as he’d known her.
Sylvia.
He’d intended to remove the photo over two years ago, but never remembered to do it. He didn’t bother with it now, reasoning that the shower was more pressing. He almost fooled himself into believing that as he walked out of the kitchen and toward the bathroom.
Thomas Chisolm refused to think of her, concentrating instead on what he had to accomplish after he woke up and before going to work tonight. If he opened up the door to memories, far too many would come unbidden. Especially in the mornings.