"Really?" Stella reached over to flick the bill of his baseball cap over his eyes. "And what are those little people you've got all over your shelves and your desk?"
"Those aren't dolls." Gavin looked as horrified as an eight-year-old boy could manage. "Those are
action figures. Come on, Mom."
"My mistake."
"We want to be Saturday slaves and build an arbor." Luke pulled on her hand and to get her attention. "Okay?"
"Saturday slaves?"
"I'm building an arbor tomorrow," Logan explained. "Could use some help, and I got these two volunteers. I hear they work for cheese sandwiches and Popsicles."
"Oh. Actually, I was planning to take them to work with me tomorrow."
"An arbor, Mom." Luke gazed up pleadingly, as if he'd been given the chance to build the space shuttle and then ride it to Pluto. "I never, ever built one before."
"Well..."
"Why don't we split it up?" Logan suggested. "You take them on in with you in the morning, and I'll swing by and get them around noon."
She felt her stomach knot. It sounded normal. Like parenting. Like family. Dimly, she heard her boys begging and pleading over the buzzing in her ears.
"That'll be fine," she managed. "If you're sure they won't be in your way."
He cocked his head at the strained and formal tone. "They get in it, I just kick them out again. Like now. Why don't you boys go find that dog and see what he's up to, so I can talk to your mama a minute?"
Gavin made a disgusted face. "Let's go, Luke. He's probably going to kiss her."
"Why, I'm transparent as glass to that boy," Logan said. He tipped her chin up with his fingers, laid his lips on hers, and watched her watch him. "Hello, Stella."
"Hello, Logan."
"Are you going to tell me what's going on in that head of yours, or do I have to guess?"
"A lot of things. And nothing much."
"You looked poleaxed when you came outside."
" 'Poleaxed.' Now there's a word you don't hear every day."
"Why don't you and I take a little walk?"
"All right."
"You want to know why I came by this afternoon?"
"To bring Lily a doll." She walked along one of the paths with him. She could hear her boys and the
dog, then the quick thwack of Luke's Wiffle bat. They'd be fine for a while.
"That, and to see if I could sponge a meal off Roz, which was a roundabout way of having a meal with you. I don't figure I'm going to be able to pry you too far away from the baby for a while yet."
She had to smile. "Apparently I'm transparent, too. It's so much fun having a baby in the house. If I manage to steal her away from Hayley for an hour—and win out over Roz—I can play with her like, well, a doll. All those adorable little clothes. Never having had a girl, I didn't realize how addicting all those little dresses can be."
"When I asked you if Lily made you want another, you panicked."
"I didn't panic."
"Clutched, let's say. Why is that?"
"It's not unusual for a woman of my age with two half-grown children to clutch, let's say, at the idea of another baby."
"Uh-huh. You clutched again when I said I wanted to take the kids to my place tomorrow."
"No, it's just that I'd already planned—"
"Don't bullshit me, Red."
"Things are moving so fast and in a direction I hadn't planned to go."
"If you're going to plan every damn thing, maybe I should draw you a frigging map."
"I can draw my own map, and there's no point in being annoyed. You asked." She stopped by a tower
of madly climbing passionflower. "I thought things were supposed to move slow in the south."
"You irritated me the first time I set eyes on you."
"Thanks so much."
"That should've given me a clue," he continued. "You were an itch between my shoulder blades. The
one in that spot you can't reach and scratch away no matter how you contort yourself. I'd've been happy to move slow. Generally, I don't see the point in rushing through something. But you know, Stella, you can't schedule how you're going to fall in love. And I fell in love with you."
"Logan."
"I can see that put the fear of God in you. I figure there's one of two reasons for that. One, you don't have feelings for me, and you're afraid you'll hurt me. Or you've got plenty of feelings for me, and they scare you."
He snapped off a passionflower with its white petals and long blue filaments, stuck it in the spiraling
curls of her hair. A carelessly romantic gesture at odds with the frustration in his voice. "I'm going with number two, not only because it suits me better, but because I know what happens to both of us when
I kiss you."
"That's attraction. It's chemistry."
"I know the frigging difference." He took her shoulders, held her still. "So do you. Because we've both been here before. We've both been in love before, so we know the difference."
"That may be right, that may be true. And it's part of why this is too much, too fast." She curled her hands on his forearms, felt solid strength, solid will. "I knew Kevin a full year before things got serious, and another year before we started talking about the future."
"I had about the same amount of time with Rae. And here we are, Stella. You through tragedy, me through circumstance. We both know there aren't any guarantees, no matter how long or how well
you plan it out beforehand."
"No, there aren't. But it's not just me now. I have more than myself to consider."
"You come as a package deal." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, then stepped away. "I'm
not dim, Stella. And I'm not above making friends with your boys to get you. But the fact is, I like them.
I enjoy having them around."
"I know that." She gave his arms a squeeze, then eased back. "I know that," she repeated. "I can tell when someone's faking. It's not you. It's me."
"That's the goddamnedest thing to say."
"You're right, but it's also true. I know what it's like to be a child and have my mother swing from man
to man. That's not what we're doing here," she said, lifting her hands palms out as fresh fury erupted on his face. "I know that, too. But the fact is, my life centers on those boys now. It has to."
"And you don't think mine can? If you don't think I can be a father to them because they didn't come
out of me, then it is you."
"I think it takes time to—"
"You know how you get a strong, healthy plant like this to increase, to fill out strong?" He jerked a thumb toward the passionflower vine. "You can layer it, and you end up with new fruit and flower. By hybridizing it, it gets stronger, maybe you get yourself a new variety out of it."
"Yes. But it takes time."
"You have to start. I don't love those boys the way you do. But I can see how I could, if you gave me
the chance. So I want the chance. I want to marry you."
"Oh, God. I can't—we don't—" She had to press the heel of her hand on her heart and gulp in air. But she couldn't seem to suck it all the way into her lungs. "Marriage. Logan. I can't get my breath."
"Good. That means you'll shut up for five minutes. I love you, and I want you and those boys in my life. If anybody had suggested to me, a few months ago, that I'd want to take on some fussy redhead and a couple of noisy kids, I'd've laughed my ass off. But there you go. I'd say we could live together for a while until you get used to it, but I know you wouldn't. So I don't see why we don't just do it and start living our lives."
"Just do it," she managed. "Like you just go out and buy a new truck?"
"A new truck's got a better warranty than marriage."
"All this romance is making me giddy."
"I could go buy a ring, get down on one knee. I figured that's how I'd deal with this, but I'm into it now. You love me, Stella."
"I'm beginning to wonder why."
"You've always wondered why. It wouldn't bother me if you keep right on wondering. We could make a good life together, you and me. For ourselves." He jerked his head in the direction of the smack of plastic bat on plastic ball. "For the boys. I can't be their daddy, but I could be a good father. I'd never hurt them, or you. Irritate, annoy, but I'd never hurt any of you."