“Oh, believe me, I know that. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I told the doctor I went to in California four times that she had made a mistake. I was in complete denial, then I moved to terrified, then angry at myself, and you, for what we did that night, then finally…finally it came. The peace, the joy, the anticipation, the bubble of pure happiness.”
“That I just burst.”
“Well, it was going to happen eventually.” Jennifer sighed. “Please believe me when I say I would never have kept the existence of your child from you, Evan. I wouldn’t have done that.”
“I know,” he said, his voice hushed. “I’m sorry I lashed out at you before, asked you if you intended to ever tell me.”
“Evan, look,” Jennifer said, leaning forward. “You need time to adjust to this just as I did. I’m not telling you what to do, but I’d like to suggest that you try to put this on hold until after the Gardner trial. You’re on mental overload already with that pending, hanging over you the way it is.
“I realize that it would be easier for you if I wasn’t around all the time, but I have to continue to be with you to film the documentary. We’re going to have to work together until the trial is over.
“It will be difficult, maybe even impossible, but do you think we could just put the existence of the baby in a special place and not address the issue, not discuss it or anything until after the trial? I don’t want this pregnancy to be the cause of your not being able to concentrate fully on what you must do to be victorious in that courtroom, or be unable to have a clear mind when you focus on the baby.”
“I could try, I suppose,” he said, lifting his head. “Heaven knows I need every ounce of mental energy I have to present the prosecution’s case.” He nodded. “What you’re saying is logical and wise. Whether or not I can do it remains to be seen.”
“I understand.”
“I care about you, Jenny. I’m worried about the fact that you fainted. You scared the hell out of me. Will you promise me that you’ll make an appointment with your doctor and tell him what happened? Then let me know what he says about it? I need to know that you’re all right, that the baby is all right. Will you go to the doctor as soon as possible?”
“Yes,” she whispered, feeling the ache of fresh tears in her throat.
Evan was being so kind, she thought. Kind. What a bland word. People were kind to old ladies who needed help crossing the street, kind to a puppy with a burr in its paw, kind to the person who needed a door opened for them because their arms were full of packages.
But they didn’t love that old lady, that puppy, that person. They were just there, allowing a momentary surge of kindness to rise to the fore. That’s what Evan had to offer her…kindness. It was better than his earlier anger, but still…
What was she to do with her feelings for him? The kernel of love for him within her that was steadily growing? How did she snuff it out, make certain that it no longer existed, didn’t have the power to cause her pain beyond measure? How did a woman stop falling in love with a man such as this one?
She didn’t know.
But somehow, somehow, that’s exactly what she was going to have to do.
“Jennifer?” Evan said, bringing her from her jumbled thoughts.
“Yes?”
“Will you be all right if I leave you here on your own?” Evan said, getting to his feet. “I…um…I need some time alone to… But I’ll stay if you feel dizzy or-”
“No, I’m fine,” Jennifer interrupted. “Really. I’m as good as new. I’m sorry I caused such a scene with my dramatic… Well, maybe it’s just as well that everything is out in the open. I just don’t want this to keep you from having total concentration on the trial.”
“And I want you to go to the doctor.”
“I will. I promise.”
“And I promise you that I’ll work very hard at focusing on the Gardner case…for now.” Evan paused. “Well, if you’re sure you’re okay, I’ll shove off. Don’t get up. I’ll let myself out.” He strode across the room to the door.
“Evan,” Jennifer said quickly, shifting on the sofa so she could see him.
Don’t go, her mind screamed. Don’t leave me alone. I want you here, with me. I need you, Evan. If you love me even a little bit, and I allowed the love I have for you to grow, nurtured it, we could have it all, don’t you see? A future together. You, me, our baby. We’d be a family. Husband, wife, child… Oh, Evan, please? I…
“Yes?” Evan said. “What is it, Jennifer?”
She drew a shaky breath, then dashed away an errant tear that spilled onto one cheek.
“Nothing,” she said.
Evan stared at her for a long moment, then left the apartment, closing the door behind him with a quiet click.
Chapter 5
L ate the next afternoon Jennifer approached Evan’s office and saw that Belinda had already left for the day. The door to Evan’s office was open and Jennifer stopped three feet away, gathering her courage to go farther.
Maybe she’d wait until tomorrow, she thought, to put the “we’re going to have to work together until the trial is over” bit into motion. Yes, that was a good idea. She and Evan had had a very emotional confrontation yesterday and a little time and distance would…
No, she was just postponing the inevitable and the longer she put it off, the more nervous she would become. It would be better to just march right in there and ask Evan if anything had transpired during his day that she needed to know about for the film.
Right, Jennifer thought, squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin. She was a mature woman and she could handle this. She was a mature, pregnant woman and her child’s mother was not a wuss.
Jennifer walked slowly, very slowly, toward the doorway of Evan’s office. She peered inside just as a loud sneeze echoed through the open door of the conference room beyond.
“Evan?” Jennifer called as she made her way toward the large room.
“In here, Jennifer,” he yelled.
Just as Jennifer entered the conference room, thunder rumbled and a bright flash of lightning zigzagged across the darkening sky beyond the bank of windows. The lights flickered, then steadied. Evan sneezed again.
“Bless you,” Jennifer said. “Did you get caught in that cold rain that’s been whipping about out there all day?” She glanced at the ceiling. “And is picking up force even as we speak?”
“Yes, I did,” Evan said. “I went out to lunch with the mayor and got drenched. I’ve been slogging around in a wet suit ever since.” He frowned. “We forgot the greetings. Hello, Jennifer, how are you? You should have gone on home where it’s dry and warm.”
“Hello, Evan. I’m dry and warm standing here because some of us have the good sense to carry an umbrella on a day like this. Please excuse my casual attire, but jeans and a sweatshirt are my fashion statement when I’m editing.”
“You look comfortable.” Evan rolled up the sleeves on his shirt, his damp suit coat already draped on a chair to dry. “Have you had dinner?”
“No, I came straight here from the studio. I’m eager to know how things went with your witnesses.”
“Why don’t I get a pizza delivered up here?” Evan said. “The witnesses I dealt with today are as prepared as they are going to be. What I’m going to tackle now is examining the jury pool applications. If you’re willing to keep it off the record, I’d appreciate your input. If you don’t mind. Of course, if you’d rather not, that’s fine, too.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jennifer said, then sighed. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, we sound like people reading lines in a play. I guess our working together is going to be more difficult than I thought, but it’s necessary. We’ve got to attempt to relax, just be ourselves.”
“That’s a tough assignment,” Evan said gruffly, “when there are so many unresolved issues between us.”