His expression clouded. “It created some challenges, mainly the discord with my brothers.”
“So they hate you because you’re a werewolf with sorcerer magic?”
“No, they hate me because I’m a constant reminder of their mother being killed and our father’s betrayal to her memory. They’re old enough to remember her. Ocean isn’t. And they see me as the outcome of their father’s fall from grace. No mated wolf male would ever sleep with another female as quickly as our father did. It’s disrespectful to their mother’s memory and what Paxton should have felt for her.”
“But your father only slept with Asuran because she looked like his mate. It was his deep grief that drove him to do it.”
“Try telling them that.” He shook his head, a hint of bitterness curling his lip. “It didn’t help that I grew up to be what I am. I’m stronger than them, more powerful, and they hate me for it.”
I made a sour face. “That’s ridiculous. You were an innocent child, even if you came from a female demon, and even if your father dishonored their mother by sleeping with that demon.”
He shrugged. “They’ll never listen to reason. I accepted that long ago.”
“But what about the rest of your pack? Ocean said they all dislike you.” From what I’d seen and heard yesterday, I believed her.
“They do. I’m an outsider. I always have been. To them, I’m the freak child of the alpha that they were forced to put up with, and of course”—his wicked smile returned—“it didn’t help that I wasn’t exactly a well-behaved child or teenager. Once I realized that it didn’t matter how much I tried to fit in or how much I tried to please them, I stopped trying. But not only that, I went in the opposite direction. I made it a point to inflict as much pain as I could on all of them.”
“By doing what?”
“Fighting. Stealing. Arson. You name it, I did it.”
“You were rebelling because no one would accept you. How could they not see that?”
“Maybe they didn’t want to.”
“But a lot of kids do stuff like that before they outgrow it. Why would your pack hold that kind of behavior against you?”
He shrugged. “You have to remember that I’m the youngest of my father’s children. Cameron was always in line to be the next alpha, and if he backed out, there was Gavin. There was never any doubt that one of them would rise to the top. So not only was I different from everybody else, but I was inconsequential. With no hope of me ever leading this pack, the pack followed my brothers’ lead. Since Cameron and Gavin hated me, everybody else did too, as you saw firsthand yesterday.”
“But how could they possibly think you’re inconsequential? You’re stronger than all of them. I saw that much in the fight. You weren’t even using half of what you’re capable of, not even at the end when you erupted into flames.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Perhaps.”
“So that means that you could challenge your father one day to be alpha of this pack. Surely, the others would have recognized that.”
“They did, eventually, but I didn’t come into my full powers until I was a teenager, and since I left when I was eighteen, there were only a few years where that fear came to light. But by then, the pack’s mind had already been made up. I wasn’t one of them. And since I showed no desire to lead them, my strength or power didn’t matter because I wanted nothing to do with this place. The second I hit eighteen, I left and never looked back.”
I sat silent for a moment, studying him again. He held eye contact, but his expression gave away nothing. It was tragic, really. He was the outcast of his pack, a unique supernatural that couldn’t identify with anybody, and then to ostracize himself from his family on top of it . . .
“You must feel so alone.” The declaration left my lips before I could stop it.
A small smile tilted his lips. “Don’t tell me this is going to turn into a therapy session.”
I chuckled, shaking myself out of my thoughts. “Hardly, it was just an observation. Do you though? Feel alone?”
His expression turned pensive, as though he were considering my words, almost as if he’d never truly thought about it. “If I was a full-blooded werewolf, I probably would, but I’m not, so no, I’m fine. I like leading my own life and not having the worry of turning rogue. And I’ve never felt the pull to this pack, or any pack. I am my own master. Nobody controls me.”
As I had come to see all too well. “So that’s why you’ve never turned rogue even though you don’t associate with a pack? It’s because of your demon blood and sorcerer magic?”
He nodded. “My demon blood is too strong. While I can shift into a wolf and can have werewolf tendencies at times, it doesn’t rule me. I could spend the rest of my life never seeing another werewolf, and I would never turn rogue.”
I nibbled on my lip, because his werewolf tendencies did rule him to some extent. How he felt about me was one hundred percent driven by his wolf side.
But I didn’t go there. “So that’s why your brother attacked you at your sister’s house. It was simply because he hates you.”
“Yeah. Cameron’s dislike for me runs deep.” He sneered. “Gavin followed suit, even though there was a time when I thought that maybe Gavin and I could—” He shook his head.
“Were your brothers ever kind to you?”
“Cameron never was. Gavin was initially but that stopped long ago.” His expression closed off, like a book snapping shut.
“Do you have any other siblings—half-demon siblings—from your mother’s side?”
“Not that I’m aware of. As far as I know, she hasn’t left the underworld again. Her venture to the fae lands, when she met my father and became impregnated, was her one and only dance outside of Lucifer’s gates.”
“Have you ever been curious to return to the underworld to meet her?”
He smiled humorlessly. “I tried once when I was a teenager and was feeling a bit sorry for myself. It’d been following a rather nasty encounter with my brothers and some other pack kids after school one day. That particular run-in didn’t end well, for me or them. My injuries took several hours to heal, but once they did, I decided to run away to the underworld, thinking maybe I could live with Asuran. But that wasn’t a good idea. I never even saw her. The other demons made sure of that, and it quickly became apparent that the underworld was no better than my pack.” He smirked. “I haven’t tried again to find her.”
He said it all matter-of-factly, as if it were no big deal to be beaten up regularly, bullied, and made to feel so alone that you ran away to the underworld in search of a better life. My heart broke at the thought of a young boy feeling so alone and then trying to reach out to the one parent that he hoped he could perhaps identify with and find a home with. “Is that why you help homeless kids?”
He frowned, and then his gaze found mine. “I suppose it is.”
“It makes sense. On some level, you identify with them.”
He shrugged. “I suppose I do.”
I was quiet for a moment, studying him, and then said, “You’re brave and resilient.”
He didn’t respond, but a golden flare lit his eyes.
My heart cracked, and a feeling gushed into it that felt a lot like . . . admiration, and something deeper. I quickly sat up straighter. “Your father seems to care for you. Why didn’t he put a stop to your brothers’ behavior?”
“He tried.” The hunter shrugged again. He looked away, and that emotion I’d seen in his eyes vanished. “You got a taste of that when he made an appearance at Ocean’s house, but there’s only so much he can do. Cameron and Gavin are headstrong, not surprising since they carry an alpha’s bloodline, and my father can only control them so much. If he completely dominated them, the pack would never respect them, and then his sons would never rise to the top. At best, he was able to stop some of my brothers’ malicious attacks. At worst, he never knew about them.”