She laughed a little as though it was a joke and he smiled, but it was the first time in the weeks they had been together that she had ever implied she was less than comfortable with their arrangement.
„Would you like to leave now?“ She held up her cloak.
He took it. The cloak was a light wool with a silk lining. The weave was fine, soft to the touch. He suspected it was as soft as her skin would be. As much as he might have liked to test the theory, he did no more than drop the cloak around her shoulders.
They found a crowd still on the stairs, and waited, Grace chatting with an acquaintance as he considered her comment about their „charade.“
If she was not entirely satisfied with their arrangement, then it showed they shared something beyond an appreciation of Garrick’s plays. He hated the constraints of his position, and attending the opera was the least of them.
For a man who had spent most of his life in charge, taking orders from a woman was a dramatic change. Yes, he had always had to obey orders as well, but he had never been so low in rank that there were not others to obey him. It made him realize that the chain of command was a salve to the self-worth of a man. Now he was in a position where he took orders from someone who was more comfortable holding a reticule than a sword.
Hardly onerous, yet still, at times, maddening. Especially the way she phrased things as though he had a choice. „Shall we leave?“ Or „Would you like some supper?“
Lindsay had watched her with the others she employed, and, as she was with him, she was unfailingly courteous. But probably like her other servants, he had learned to take her questions as they were intended: All that mattered was what she wanted to do, and when she wanted to do it.
How did the others handle fatigue that came with a teething baby? How did they handle worry about responsibilities that had nothing to do with employment but were what made it so necessary?
In the army he was focused on one thing only. His loyalties were not split between a family that wanted to know every detail of his life away from them and a woman who never asked about his life in the hours they were not together.
When it became unbearably irritating, like tonight, he would remind himself that in time he would sell his commission and leave her employ. It was an option that the others did not have.
He watched as she laughed at something and could not help but smile. He looked around and saw several others turn toward the sound. Her laughter was one of die most charming things about her. Always genuine and inviting, so that anyone who heard it wanted to be part of her party.
Her laughter and inquisitive mind were not the only things that made his employment bearable and, when he was less tired and frustrated, fair compensation for her maddening version of leadership. Grace Anderson found good almost everywhere. And if she could not see the good in something, she would wish for it. How many times had she said „I wish…“?
There was a long list of changes she would make if she had Poppy’s magic coin. The Prince Regent would be more attentive to his wife, the Luddites would end tiieir unrest, her aunt would let her son live his own life.
He watched as she complimented Mrs. Schuster on her earrings, truly the only item she wore that suited her. Which only proved his point that Grace could find good almost anywhere.
Satisfied that he had talked himself out of his ill humor, Lindsay moved to rejoin Grace.
„Fine Season for you, Lindsay. Eh?“
Fetters might be talking to him, but he was watching Grace with interest, and Lindsay could hardly miss his meaning. He decided to ignore the man.
„We could make a wager. Just between the two of us. A hundred guineas that you two are leg-shackled before Christmas.“
„Do you know how to say anything that does not begin or end with a wager?“ Lindsay kept his tone civil, but he trusted that his irritation was clear. „You are an embarrassment to society. Move out of my way.“
„Looking for a little fun, that’s all. All the young chits are paired up and the Season is only half over. It will be damn dull if I can’t stir things up a bit. No need to take offense. It’s a sure thing for you. You’re as close as two pistols in a gun case.“
„Fetters, I am not wasting money betting with you, not on anything.“
„It would be quite a coup for an army major to marry such a wealthy widow. No money problems ever again. If you don’t want to spare the blunt you could always wager that.“ He flicked a finger at the Waterloo medal.
He grabbed Fetters’ arm and squeezed so hard that the man gasped. „This medal represents something you will never understand, Fetters. Thousands of men died so that you can spend your life making ridiculous wagers. You can insult me all you want. But you will treat this medal and Lady Anderson with the respect they deserve.“
Finally he let go of the man. Grace was still talking to a group of women and had not seen their exchange. Several others had. Wonderful, he thought, praying the conversation would not find its way to the gossip sheets.
As he and Grace reached the lobby, they could see that a heavy rain was what had slowed the departures. Rain was common enough in London. In this case it was the cap on an evening that had been anything but perfect.
Grace turned to him. „Would you like to come to Norfolk Street with me? Then I can have the coachman take you home. It will save your uniform from the wet.“
He bent closer to her so that no one would overhear. „If they see us leave together then we will be the next bit of gossip.“
„Do you care what they think?“ she asked, then waited the barest of moments before turning to the door the porter was holding for them.
As usual she expected no answer from him, but it was all he could do not to give one anyway. No, madam, I am being well paid to not care what society thinks, but for once I would like to be the one making the decisions.
The ride to Norfolk Street was silent. The rain beating on the carriage roof made any but the most perfunctory conversation difficult, and Grace seemed lost in thought.
He watched her through half-closed eyes. There was some internal debate going on, and he did not have to ask to know that he was at the heart of it. As the carriage made the turn from North Audley to Green, she turned to him. „Would you like to come in for a brandy?“
This one was different from the usual question, tentative and uncertain.
„If that is what you would like, my lady.“ What exactly did she want? She had never offered such an invitation before. They had thoroughly dissected the play. What was there left to do this evening? He grimaced at his naivete.
„Major?“
He came back to the moment and realized that he had not heard her reply.
„What I wish,“ she repeated with some brusqueness, „what I wish is that you do what you wish.“
A choice? She was giving him a choice? He did not have to think. „Then no thank you, my lady. I am needed at home.“ It was a lie. He was saying no only because he could.
Completely mortified, Grace tried for a casual „Very well,“ and hoped that he could not feel her chagrin. She wanted nothing more than to be out of the carriage, away from him, but it was clear that Petkin had not heard their arrival. The coachman jumped down and hurried to the door to rouse the butler, or at least find an umbrella.
The silence grew, and Grace’s embarrassment gave way to a fury out of all proportion to his refusal. He was a complete and utter idiot. His instant „No“ seemed so instinctive that she could only assume he had taken a dislike of her. Now he was pretending she did not exist.
„Major.“
He was staring out the window, but with a slowly drawn breath he abandoned his study of the rain-soaked street and gave her his full attention.
„Perhaps you are bored with our arrangement. Shall we say good-bye as well as good night?“