“It would be very hard,” he said.
That was all he said but she knew what he meant.
“Terribly hard,” he continued. “It’s not easy to pick up the pieces and put them back together again. It’s harder than starting from scratch.”
“I know.”
He turned and looked at her. “I think it’s worth a try,” he said.
“So do I.”
“I can’t let you go now, Linda. I’m only beginning to realize how much I love you. I’m not going to let anything spoil it, not now.”
She couldn’t speak.
“Do you love me, Linda?”
“You know I do.”
“And I love you. I never told you that before, did I? I was afraid to say it. Maybe I didn’t even know it at the time — maybe that was part of it. But now I’ll say it. I love you, Linda.”
He put one hand under her chin and brought her face close to his. His lips touched hers and he kissed her.
“I love you,” he said.
“Oh Don—”
He kissed her again.
“I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen, Linda. But there are a few things that I do know. We’re both going to finish up here. You’re going to pass those exams of yours and I’m going to graduate and get that silly diploma they hand out to you after you’ve finished wasting the prescribed four years here.
“Then we’re going to pile into the car and drive to Pittsburgh. If the car gets that far — I don’t know if it will or not. Then you’re going to have your abortion and we’re going to stay in Pittsburgh until you’re well enough to travel.
“From Pittsburgh we’re heading to New York. I’m going to find a place to live and then get a job. You’re going to find a place to live—”
“The same place you find?”
He shook his head. “Not right away,” he said. “That’s got to wait until we’re both ready for it. There are too many things we’ve got to learn first, Linda. And we’re going to have loads of time — time to find out more about each other. Time to love each other.”
He was right.
“Then we’ll find you a college,” he went on. “You ought to be able to get into NYU without a hell of a lot of trouble. A year there and you’ll be a New York resident and you can go tuition free to CCNY. It’s a free school and it’s a hundred times better than this hole.”
He closed his eyes, then opened them again. “God only knows what’s going to happen after that. Maybe we’ll find out that we hate each other. Maybe we’ll quietly drift apart and never see each other again. Maybe what we’ve got will just disappear.
“There’s another possibility. Maybe we’ll find out that what we’ve got is worth keeping — worth keeping forever. It’s too early to even think about that yet, Linda. But it might happen.”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“We won’t make the same mistakes again.”
“No,” she said, “we won’t.”
She looked at him, loving him, needing him. But she loved him and needed him in a different way now. She wasn’t afraid of him or afraid of losing him, not now. She felt safe and sure of herself and sure of him. For a moment she felt terrible about all the other boys she had been with since that first time with him, but then she told herself that they didn’t matter, that they never really existed. They were a child’s substitute for the real thing. Now she had the real thing, and at the same time she was no longer a child, no longer the girl who had first come to Clifton.
He reached for her and drew her close to him. His finger touched her cheek and ran down her face to her chin. He kissed her lightly on the lips, then kissed her closed eyes and the tip of her nose.
He took a deep breath and held it. “I want you,” he said. “Christ, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But we’re going to wait for a while, anyhow.”
“Okay.”
He smiled. “Besides,” he added, “with a woman in your condition—”
He laughed when she started to blush. “You better go now,” he said. “You’ve got to lick that exam tomorrow and I’ve got one of my own to worry about. We’ll have plenty of time later.”
She stood up. “Plenty of time,” she said.
He kissed her once more. Then she left.
The walk back to her dorm was easy. She started studying immediately, sure of herself, sure that the exam would be no problem at all for her. There would be problems coming up, plenty of problems, but now she knew that she could handle anything that came her way.
She was a big girl now.
She wondered idly what it would all be like. NYU, CCNY, New York City, the whole thing.
She wondered what it would be like to be Mrs. Donald Gibbs.
Well, she would find out. She would learn all the answers and find out all that had to be found out.
There was plenty of time now, she thought.
Time for everything.