"Crissy, I—"
"It's all right, Tommy," she interrupted. "You don't have to say anything about it."
"But I want to," he said, taking her hands in his. "I'm so sorry, Crissy. You've got to believe that I wouldn't have hurt you for the world."
"I know that, Tommy."
"I realize now how much you love Philip Caxton. I should have seen it sooner, but I was too obsessed with my own feelings. When Caxton came here, I saw him only as a rival. But now I know you were never mine to have— you were always his. Tell him I'm sorry for what happened. He's still sleeping or I'd attempt to tell him myself."
"You can tell him later." ' "No, I won't be here. I'm leaving this morning."
"But where are you going?"
"I have decided to enter the military, as John did," Tommy said sheepishly.
"But what about your lands? Your father will need you," Christina said. But she could tell that Tommy had already made up his mind.
"My father is still a young man. There's nothing for me here. I'm like you were, Crissy, living all my life here. It's time I saw a bit of the world." He kissed her lightly on the cheek, his brown eyes warm with friendship. "I'll never find anyone like you, but perhaps there will be someone."
"I hope so, Tommy, I really do. And I wish you all the luck in the world."
Christina stood in the middle of the room for a long time after Tommy left. She felt very sad and lonely, as if a little piece of her heart had just been chipped away. The Tommy she'd just spoken to was the old Tommy, the Tommy she loved as a brother, and she would miss him sorely.
Chapter Thirty-five
PHILIP woke with a splitting headache. The sunlight streaming into the room didn't help matters any. He pressed his hands against his temples to ease the pain, but it didn't help. He glanced down at his fully clothed body, minus one shoe, and groaned slightly.
John had said last night that Christina had finally awakened. Or had he dreamed it all? Well, there was one way to find out. He stood up. A sharp pain shot through his head again, and he vowed he wouldn't touch another glass of whiskey for a long time. He splashed water liberally on his face, then stood there holding onto the dresser until the pain eased somewhat
After a while, Philip was able to kindle the fire that he hadn't bothered to light the night before. He shaved the stubble off his face and changed his clothes. He began to feel almost human again, and decided this was as good a time as any to see Christina.
He walked the few feet to her room and went in unannounced, to find her propped up in bed and wearing her black-velvet robe, of all things, over a white-lace nightdress. Her long hair was spread out on the pillow behind her framing her in a golden halo of beauty.
"Don't you ever knock?" she asked curtly.
"You would only tell me to come in, anyway, so why should I waste both your time and mine?" Philip closed the door and sat down in the chair that John had pulled up beside the bed. "So—you are finally awake. What the devil do you mean by sleeping three days, madam, and leaving my son to the mercy of a wet nurse?"
By the tone of his voice, Christina didn't know whether Philip was chaffing her or if he was serious. She chose the latter and became annoyed.
"I'm sorry if my delay in waking has upset you, but I have seen my son this morning. And he seems to have fared rather well. And since you appear to have a dislike for wet nurses, tell me, Philip, how would you have managed if I'd agreed to give you my son?"
"Damn it, woman!" he bellowed, then groaned at the sound of his own voice.
Christina realized what was the matter with him, and she started to giggle.
"What the hell is so damn funny?" He scowled at her through reddened eyes.
"You are," Christina said, repressing her laughter. "What could have possessed you to drown yourself in liquor three nights straight? I know you were upset about nearly losing Philip Junior, but is that any reason to make yourself sick? He wasn't harmed."
"You are up here in bed in an unconscious state, and I don't know if you are going to live or die—and you ask me what possessed me to drink!"
"What would it matter to you if I lived or died? I am sure that if I hadn't come through, John would have given you Philip Junior. You should have been quite happy at the prospect of getting what you wanted. I'm sorry I disappointed you."
Philip leaned back in the chair and stared at Christina. "I ought to tan your hide for that remark! Ah, hell— never mind. I shouldn't have come to see you this soon. I should have realized you'd be upset knowing your lover is in jail."
"He was not my lover, damn it!" Christina snapped angrily. "For the record, Mr. Caxton, you are the only lover I've ever had."
"You don't have to shout, damn it!" he shouted himself.
"Don't I? It would seem that is the only way I can reach you. And furthermore, Tommy is no longer in jail. He was—"
"Did I hear you correctly?" Philip cut her off, his green eyes turning a shade darker.
"You did," she replied, ignoring his rising anger. "Tommy was released last night—at my insistence."
"For the love of God!" Philip exploded, forgetting his headache. "After what he did to you, you turn him loose as if nothing happened?"
"He didn't mean to shoot me."
"I know! It was me he was aiming at. Did it occur to you, madam, that I might want to press charges?"
"I wish you wouldn't, Philip," Christina said quietly. "Tommy regrets what he did. He asked me to apologize to you. He—"
"You've talked to him already?" Philip interrupted.
"Yes. He came to see me this morning."
"And now you're pleading with me for his freedom." Philip leaned back in the chair as if a heavy weight pressed him against it. "You must really love him."
"I grew up with Tommy. We were close friends until he decided he loved me. But I didn't love him in the same way."
"But you were going to be wed?"
"He asked me to marry him the first day I came home and every day after that until I couldn't stand it anymore. I told him no, but he wouldn't give up. I went to Victory to get away from Tommy, but he started all over again when I returned home. I asked John to make Tommy leave me alone, but he took Tommy's side. I never expected to see you again, so I gave up. I agreed to marry Tommy because everyone wanted me to. We were friends and I loved him as a friend—I still do. When he came to say good-bye this morning, he was like his old self again."
"Good-bye?"
"Yes, he's gone to join the army. I'll miss him. When I broke off our engagement he went crazy from jealousy, but he's all right now. Do you still wish to press charges against him?"
"No. If he's gone, I wish him luck. So you only thought of him as a close friend?"
"Yes."
Philip laughed boisterously. He leaned forward in the chair.
"I'm going to tell you what I should have told you a long time ago. I love you, Tina, I always have. My life isn't worth living without you. I want to take you home with me—to Victory. I will understand if you say no, but I have to ask you. And if you agree, I won't press you for anything. I know you hate me for the misery I've caused you, but I can live with your hatred as long as I can live with you."
Christina started crying. She couldn't believe it.
"You don't have to give me an answer now, Tina."
She flew off the bed and knelt before him. Her arms circled his waist as if she would never let go. Philip lifted her face to his and stroked her hair gently, his eyes soft and searching.
"Does this mean you will come with me?"
"Philip, how could you think otherwise? How can you believe I hated you? I love you with all my being. I guess I have from the beginning, but I didn't realize it until Ali Hejaz stole me away from you. I would have stayed with you in Egypt forever if you hadn't sent me away. And when you did, I went through all the anguish of hell until I learned I was carrying your child. Philip Junior gave me a reason to go on living."